Saturday, December 31, 2011

The Pardon My Sarcasm Year in Review

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Goodbye 2011, hello election year. It's been one hell of a ride, but things are sure to be heating up in the upcoming months...

Things I learned this year:
  • Tumblr is amazing and I should never ever leave.
  • ;_; Hogwarts will forever be my home
  • People love me on the internet. (Not so much irl...?)
  • None of my closest friends have abandoned me because of my sexuality
  • which is good because I've kind of been a raging activist all year and no one hates me for it. Yet.
  • ... though I haven't decided if that's a good thing or not. Am I doing it right? I did lose a few ~friends because of it, so maybe?
  • how to be a better trans* ally. oh, and apparently I'm genderqueer. There's a name for it. Oh. Ok.

Things I've accomplished this year:
  • Um, that blog post about biphobia on Glee is pretty high up there. Like, REALLY high up there. That may even be my biggest accomplishment post college. And the fact that I continue to bitch about it and annoy the fuck out of my followers has helped me meet people I absolutely love *hugs*
The year in politics: ... I don't even want to go there. Honestly. But I will. [sigh]
  • - Gabby Giffords and 12 others shot in Arizona. Sparks a nationwide debate over self-censorship, inflammatory language, and responsibility.
  • - Half of the police force and a third of the firefighters laid off in the most dangerous city in the entire county-- Camden, NJ
  • - Keith Olbermann left MSNBC
  • - Global revolution, from Egpyt to Wall Street
  • - Ryan Murphy proves that he's a collossal monosexist douchebag
  • - Walk for Choice
  • - 8.9 magnitute Earthquake and Tsunami devastate the Pacific and parts of California
  • - the US attempts to tackle bullying - and in most cases, completely fails. NJ passes country's strongest anti-bullying laws
  • - President Obama releases his long form birth certificate to shut up the birthers. lol not even a map and a time machine to witness the birth firsthand would shut them up though.
  • - Osama bin Laden was caught and killed. I still do not think that is even remotely close to anything resembling justice, nor do I think it's something worth celebrating.
  • - New York legalizes same-sex marriage
  • - I got Tumblr-married <3
  • - London Riots. I still have no idea what happened there. It dropped off the face of the news...
  • - ;_; the final Harry Potter movie came out. This matters ok shut up. Hogwarts is my home.
  • - I declare war on Ryan Murphy, Dan Savage, and other biphobic asshats. Yes this is news.
  • - SOPA, S.978, and the Internet Blacklist bill are introduced (to the public?) -- mass riots ensue, and for good reason.
  • - Images of police brutality against OWS protesters at UC Davis make their way around the world. Pepper Spray Cop meme is created.
  • - The war in Iraq officially ended.
  • - President Obama signs into law the National Defense Authorization act that contains provions for infinite detention. (Everyone who keeps screaming about "that amendment wasn't passed!!!" is missing the big picture-- we were never talking about that amendment. I didn't even know about that amendment until it was brought up. We're talking about Section D which deals with detainees. Which is still totally there, as it was, and is and was never an amendment.)
That last one? Just this morning. Yeah, most likely not voting for you again, sir. I'm debating giving in and just voting for the socialist candidate. I didn't like last year's that much, but this new guy isn't too bad...

Anyway, long story short... I always thought this was just hyperbole, but I suppose it really is true. I'm not at all the same person I was last year, or the beginning of this year. Nor is this the same world it was before. And while tomorrow really is just another day, and the passing of a year from 11 to 12 is largely symbolic and has no real effect on how things change... let's hope 2012 can be better than the last. Even if it's an election year and all of the presidential candidates are utterly terrifying.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

So... Kelly Clarkson, huh... lmao

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I don't give a shit who she endorses. Whatever. I don't care. She can endorse Kim Jong Il for president for all I care. (Too soon? Well that was kind of the point. Nominate a deceased person. With "questionable" politics. Moving on...) But what I find EXTREMELY hilarious is the way people try to defend themselves... (and really, I was literally sobbing from laughing so hard at these comments. I'm not just being facetious when I say it's hilarious.)

Wait for it... "straight rights." Kelly, I love your music and I'm not ashamed to say that, but LMFAO @ STRAIGHT RIGHTS. Maybe you were just trying to show how "super-inclusive" you are (don't forget the air quotes!!), but I seriously fucking hate it when people think that listing random colors or talking about "straight people's rights" --which, by the way, is oh I don't know, all of 'em, if you were wondering-- somehow legitimizes their claims of being inclusive and supportive, when all it does is emphasize their privilege and erase actual minority groups. We are more than just the colors of our skin, and our struggles run deeper than your offhanded, defensive comments.

Your choice of a candidate is... questionable, at best. Not a Ron Paul fan, but again, whatever, that's your choice. Can't say I'm that surprised. (But yeah, technically speaking, others have a right to comment as well. They shouldn't be so rude, but "getting upset" as the media seems to put it is fair game.) But seriously, you should have stopped there, because now you actually sound stupid and mildly offensive. Straight rights my ass.

Oh, but the funniest thing I've heard tonight? "Ron Paul is the intellectual's choice for 2012." LOL NO.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Insert Mundane Holiday-ish Thing Here.

I feel unbearably trapped still... No internet. I have my phone, of course, but it's not the same. Crashy apps, and such... I doubt most people in my life would understand why internet access means so much to me, but I'm really not joking when I say that it's my life -- or rather, my main connection to the world outside my bedroom. Most of the people around don't care that I exist. I have friends online. And right now, I really hate being away from them. I can text some people, but not all... It's the anxiety that makes it feel a million times worse than it should. But with anxiety comes depression, and with that... drinking heavily in the afternoons to keep the blades at bay. (It doesn't really work, but I pretend it does.) I don't recognize my life anymore. I think I mostly just can't remember it. I don't think I want to. I used to be happy, I think... maybe.

Anyway... the holidays are here, and things have been rougher this year than last, despite the slight increase in pay. (Though now that I think of it, I'm pretty sure I earned more last December. Retail has its perks...) The choice in our house was electricity or cable/internet. Gifts this year were few, and relatively inexpensive. I probably bought the most expensive things, and they were simple, basic $20 sweaters for my mom. I still have bills to pay, but I've been putting them off again... I found out late last night that my mom's cousin and her children had next to nothing... No tree, or gifts, and little food...

Imagine my fury when I woke up to find little pre-teens whining about not getting an iphone this year. And hearing about a father who would actually rather see his children starve than pay child support. So forgive me if I seem a bit more subdued than usual. I already hate the "holiday season," but with everyone around me screaming about how we should "be merry and have cheer!!!", my main phrase this week is pretty much "shut the fuck up before I shove those fuzzy socks up your ass."

I know, just a bundle of joy, am I not? Anyway... This year was rather uneventful, compared to last. There was an awkward phone conversation with my father, first time I've heard his voice in months, but that was about it. I suppose he's learned not to drop by unnanounced and expect to wisk my siblings off to his manor for the week. That would be a first. But they're both over 18 now. He can't force them to do anything.

I'm debating whether starting the new year blitzed out of my mind is a new tradition worth starting. If I can't remember the fuck-ups of last year, surely I won't repeat them next? Sounds like a plan. I'll be alone in my bedroom either way, same as always. But this upcoming year I want to save money and travel - whether to California (where I might like to meet with a certain someone) or to Orlando to visit Hogwarts (because Hogwarts is my home). And hopefully STK will come along (willingly. Darling, I'd hate to have to kidnap you, but if I have to tell your boss you're leaving on a quest to find the grail and you suspect Lord Voldemort has hidden a bit of his soul in it, I will. I mean it. You're coming.)

Right, well I'm sure you've had enough of my rambling for one night. I suppose I have too. I need to do laundry, but I suppose I'll have to make do with what's already clean... [sigh] Goodnight then.

Monday, December 19, 2011

I'm sorry you're so poor. We're fighting poverty! So can I have $50?

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Cue mini-rant because I'm kind of just... incredulous:

That awkward moment when an activist group supporting the Occupy Wall Street protests and the 99% asks for a minimum $50 donation… for a bumper sticker. Donate $1,000 and get an autographed book

While I obviously understand why organizations need donations to continue their work, and while ultimately, those funds are (hopefully) going to actually help to resolve the issues, I have to wonder if they ever see the disconnect between what they do and what they ask of their supporters.

If I’m part of the 99%, why would I waste a needed $50 on something like that? If I HAD $50, why would I give it to you instead of spending it on groceries or things I actually need to survive? If I’m supposed to be protesting against wasteful and corrupt financial practices that have left OUR pockets and bank accounts empty, what makes you think I would even consider giving you my money too? I really want to know. I thought you already understood that most of us don't have it. What makes you think I have that much to spare? Or that we should at a time like this? Wouldn't you rather advocate that we save it, in that case? I would.

I could understand asking for maybe a $10 donation. And yes, I understand how asking for donations works. Door in the face technique, start with something high and work your way down, hoping someone will give at least something. But when your cause is something related to financial hardship, and your email is flippantly talking about money like it's nothing... If you're just babbling about how everyone should donate at least $50 if they really care, or how real activists should give thousands of dollars to the cause, it just comes off as insensitive and inconsiderate.

Alright, I have work to do... and I just found out some rather sad information and now I have to figure out how to deal with it. [sigh]

Thursday, December 15, 2011

So... yeah... Iraq...

If you haven't heard yet, the war in Iraq *officially* ended today, after 8 years... (fucking finally... though it's not the only war is it... We're still in Afghanistan. 10 fucking years of death and destruction. Ugh.) Though most of the news sites only care about the GOP debate. lol America... [sigh] Why do I live here again?

And still... after the war comes rebuilding... and trying to move on...

Edit: Tonight we say goodbye to Christopher Hitchens. Your intellect and eloquence will be sorely missed.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Why would you do that?

What kind of blogger would I be if I passed up this glorious opportunity? Don't answer that.!I'm currently being stalked by a silent cat, while lying on a friend's couch and reading Maxim. Yes, you read that right. Maxim.

Despite the obviously misogynistic tone, I have found certain parts to be somewhat interesting. An entire section on "lesbian sex." Oh, with mentions of bisexual women, but lol no we won't call them that because this article is about lesbians. But I digress...

Other than the "lesbians exist to please us men" bullshit, as well as the "two women will be annoyingly sensitive and need to talk about everything right away," the constant mention of the "awesomness" of online lesian porn, and monosexist bullshit in this article...
meh. Can't say I didn't learn anything. Nothing I'm willing to share, because that's more than a little personal, but um... yeah. Anyway, thank you, Maxim writer, for proving to me that even in what was meant to be an elightening
article, you and your cohorts still manage to be disrespectful douchebags. Thank you for meeting my expectations.

Now if you'll excuse me... I need to sleep.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

When a slash fic relies heavily on stereotyping and heterosexism/heteronormativity...

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a.k.a Why I Never Sleep

[TW for heterosexism and monosexism, and related topics.] oh, and a warning for possibly incoherent rambling. I'm exhausted.

Please excuse my bitchiness. I'm tired, sick (again), and irritated with fandom. And I'll be focusing on male/male relationships because, as always, everything is Drarry. But everything kind of hurts.

Ugh. Stop. Stop that. Yes, I'm about to tell you you're doing it wrong. (And I'm talking about the stories where it's obvious that the author feels a certain way and it's not just a how a character is supposed to think or feel because it's relevant to the plot. Or even just characterization. I'm talking about those stories where it's not intentionally inflammatory, where the AUTHOR'S ignorance is just so bloody obvious that you wonder how a romantic slash story can come off as so unbelievably fucking homophobic...)

Ok, we get it. The majority of people who write and enjoy slash are straight teenage girls. But would it kill you to think outside of stereotypes and tropes? I don't know what's worse sometimes, a fic's stereotyping or it's comments. So, writers and readers of all fandoms, take note:

A) Not all people who date one sex or gender and "suddenly" start dating another sex or gender are gay, or experimenting, or confused, or liars, or whatever other descriptors you've assigned them. And please for the love of all that is slashy, stop calling bi characters "sluts" and "whores" and "desperate." It gets old fast. Things to note here: DIVERSITY DAMMIT, and enough of the bashing. It just makes you look like an ass.

B) If I read one more fucking fic about how all gay men are effeminate "nancy boys/poofs/fairies" (oh yes, I am quoting. Narrator's POV. What are you doing.) and what it means to be a "proper, self-respecting gay man" who must always dress well and is a total manwhore blah blah blah "I'm not a girl!" and "be a real man!"--- seriously. It gets old. Same old stereotypes. No one cares. But hey, surprise! There are a ton of gay men out there who do not fit the stereotypes. And that's totally cool. Let's run that again. Effeminate gay guy? Totally cool. Stereotypically masculine gay guy? Totally cool. Everything in between and all around and here and there and (le gasp!) nonbinaries? Totally cool. You can just let them be themselves without drawing excessive attention to the fact that they're not stereotypes. It's slash. We get it. Dude's into other dudes. Enough of the pigeonholing and labeling and get to the good stuff already.

C) Speaking of girls - is it AT ALL possible for you to discuss male sexuality without bashing other genders or gender presentations? I mean really? Really? Thank you so much for referring to me as a weak, overemotional disgusting being no self-respecting queer man would touch with a ten foot pole. Really. I appreciate it. Long story short - sexist and transphobic comments? NOT. FUCKING. WELCOME.

D) Related to both B and C - There is no "guy" and "girl" of a slash relationship. Would you go up to a same-sex couple and ask who's the man and who's the woman? (Please don't answer that. It scares me to think of how many of you would.) There is no seme/uke dynamic in most real relationships. A seme/uke relationship, as it exists in the BL/Yaoi/slash world, is typically not one of equals. In most cases (though this is starting to change), it's a perpetuation of traditional gender roles with pretty boys (because they're the only ones who matter and make a pretty story, don'tcha know) and it isn't anything like the majority of same-sex couples. There isn't always one dominant super masculine ideal who ALWAYS tops, with a submissive effeminate bottom, like in those stupid quizzes: Do you prefer candy? or a SWORD RAWR. Um, no. Generally doesn't work like that.

Why do we continue to force characters into preconceived, socially mandated, gender roles? Why do we argue over who's a top and who's a bottom based on their personalities and body types? Do you have any idea how stupid that actually sounds, like someone can't enjoy a certain form/method of pleasure because they're bossy/assertive/short/quiet/[insert random adjective here]??? Does it really make you think that much less of person or character because they prefer one "role" over another? It's ok to have preferences -- but it's more than a little ridiculous to assume you can tell someone else's by the way they think or act. Ho-lee-crap. No, topping or bottoming does not have to correspond to someone's personality, or a gender role. (And yet no one seems to be willing to think outside of the seme/uke dynamic. Ever. I've developed a game, actually. For fics. I can, with 98% accuracy, guess which character is going to "top," based solely on how they've been written. Weak, submissive, effeminate stereotype? lol like he'd ever top. -_-" Stop that. C'mon, guys! Break free of gender roles and norms! Tear apart those stereotypes! Live a little! Show some diversity!!!) And don't even get me started on "straight acting" or bi stereotypes or anything else right now. I've gotten all of 3 hours sleep in the past 2 days and it's looking to be another long night.

I'm not saying that there isn't some truth to the stereotypes. Yes, a lot of people fit into them. And again, totally cool. You be you. But it's the over-generalizations and assumptions that are harmful. And seriously fucking annoying. Where's your creativity? Expose yourself to LGBTQ cultures before taking on a slash project, perhaps. Watch Queer as Folk, and compare and contrast the stereotypes there to what people actually talk about and do. THINK ABOUT YOUR CHARACTERS' ACTUAL PERSONALITIES BEFORE YOU SHOVE THEM INTO A BLOODY BOX. Would _______ actually act that way? Would _______ actually give a shit about blushing prettily and being *mecha kawaii~*~* for the big, strong, dominant macho man who's about to fuck him senseless? Maybe, maybe not. He doesn't have to fit into a neat little box. He doesn't have to fit an existing stereotype or gender role. Let him be himself without the added pressure of conforming to something he's not, just for the sake of fitting what YOU and the rest of the world think he should be because of his orientation. Enough of the fucking boxes. Enough. I take your box and I SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER.

And most importantly, ditch the leather pants and let's head back to my place, ok?

Saturday, November 19, 2011

You Need to Watch This. TW for Police Brutality #Occupy

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These are students at UC Davis. Notice what they are doing - sitting there quietly.

What the bloody fucking hell is up with the militarization of the police in this country? What the bloody fucking hell is going on with this country??? Just a normal week in the the good ol' USA with laws that try to censor the internet under the "admirable" guise of curbing piracy (in which case obviously I'm still against it) and  protesting peacefully is practically illegal and a punishable offense.

LOL, welcome to America, where:

Good times. Oh, but in other #occupy news, check out this Bank of America ad campaign!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Today is American Censorship Day. Protest SOPA and the Internet Blacklist Bill!

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More petitions. There's so much opposition to these bills already, but we cannot afford to take any chances. You never know.

Sign | every | last | petition | you | can | find. Write letters, call your representatives.
(I'll be adding more as I see them.) I think, that there's also some miscommunication about what SOPA and the Protect IP acts actually do, though. It's not that little censorship bars will suddenly rain from the sky, or that only "illegal" content will be affected. Here's an infographic representation of why these 2 bills are so dangerous. (click to see larger image)

Let your voice be heard.

Petitions, and Messy Glee Feelings - SOPA and "Cure the Gay"

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I'm bringing this up for a very good reason, and it's related to some other things going on right now, some of them personal actually, so bear with me? I just need to rant. Ignore what's after the cut if you want. It's long and windy and unorganized and Glee related.

Real world shit that matters - there are petitions going around about "cure the gay" clinics in South America. Here's one - Please sign!!!

~ Tell Ecuadorian President and to shut down anti- "Cure the gay" clinics NOW

~ And another huge concern - the widely opposed Stop Online Piracy Act aka the Internet Blacklist Bill. Backlash from around the globe against this bill has been PHENOMENAL, but we need every netizen's support. Sign | every | fucking | petition you can find, write letters, call. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. If this bill goes through tomorrow, the Department of Justice gets to decide which sites you visit and who gets priority. All they have to do is claim that a site infringing upon a copyright, and it's blocked. This includes your blogs. This includes Facebook, Tumblr, Twitter, Amazon, Youtube, TPB, every forum that ever existed. The internet does NOT need to fucking be censored. No government or private agency has the right to control the internet. Tonight, we fight. Protect your freedom of speech.  Join Google, Facebook, eBay, Mozilla, AOL, and others in preventing an internet blacklist. (P1r4735 - HOIST THE COLORS. WE ATTACK AT DAWN.)

One little offhand comment like that can ruin someone's life.

I am really frustrated right now... Long story short, there's been an ongoing feud between two of the characters. If you remember from my older Glee posts, there was an episode about Santana Lopez coming to terms with her sexuality. And the other character is the step-brother of "token gay kid" Kurt Hummel. His name is Finn Hudson. So anyway, Santana's back to being a bully this season, and she's been giving Finn a hard time with a constant stream of nasty insults. They duked it out in a crowded hallway... She went to walk away, and he made a rather loud comment about how she should just come out of the closet already.

There's video of this.

Ok, now that you've seen it for yourself... I don't entirely mind that Finn said this to her, because while he could have said something else or been a little more discreet about disclosing someone's deep, dark personal secrets, it is rather true; and it's understandable that he snapped and probably wasn't thinking. In a different setting, I think she could have benefited from hearing this, actually. I do entirely mind, however, that he said this in public and pretty much shouted it down a hall full of students, one of which used it as campaign fodder against one of the teachers. And I do entirely mind that there are people who think that she deserved to be publicly outed just because she's a bitch. I think they were both in the wrong, but the consequences she has to face are a hell of a lot worse. No one ever deserves to be outed. Yes, Santana deserves to be held accountable for the things she's said and done, and she absolutely has to stop bullying people (though it makes for wonderful drama and I'm sorry but I do actually find the character to be incredibly funny sometimes. I like insult comedy. I'm a bitch. Sue me.), but you have got to be fucking kidding me if you think that being outed is an appropriate punishment for anyone. How can we all agree that it was wrong for Blaine to do the same exact thing if suddenly it's totally ok because it's Santana and everyone hates her? (She's one of my favorite characters, as a "villain" type, but sometimes I really hate her too. It's same with Draco, so don't even give me that...) Even if we take Finn out of the picture and say it was an accident -- this girl's life could be at risk. She could lose her home. They live in a small, homophobic little town, in a school where kids are regularly bullied for all matter of reasons. She was not the worst of the bullies there, as cruel as she may be. She wasn't ready yet. And there is no reason whatsoever that anyone, ever, should deserve to be outed against their will. The asshat running for  Congress or whatever, the guy running the ad ON NATIONAL TV that outs her to the entire fucking country? The true douchebag of the episode for sure.

If you don't feel like reading all of that - yeah, she deserved to be told off for being a bully, and for using bullying as a shield to hide her secrets. She DID NOT deserve to be outed, and Finn should not have even mentioned any fucking thing about closets or coming out. Because guess what?  NO ONE has the fucking right to call someone a coward because they're not ready to come out yet. I know I've already discussed this topic, so I don't want to take up too much time on it. But this... I just can't. I think it's so cute how people are dismissing it, though, as humiliation. Because that's all this is, right? Being outed is humiliating, nothing more. Never mind she might not have a house to go home to later that night. Never mind she might not even make it back there to begin with. I don't think Finn even realizes just what he's done, what's happening because of what he chose to say. I think his words in the scene and at the end are a perfect example of just how little he realizes how big a deal it actually is. "Everyone at school knows..." "The whole school already knows." He thinks because he thinks everyone already knows that it's ok to just say in the open, fuck consequences because (hey! straight privilege!) he doesn't have to think about them! As far as he's concerned, there are none! Forget the fact that his own brother went through hell because he's gay.

I don't think ANYONE  realizes the magnitude of what he said versus what she did. Contrary to what everyone is insisting, Santana never actually outed Kurt or Dave. She made gay jokes about Kurt before he came out and she threatened to out Dave if he didn't agree to be her beard. That is a fact.

And a lot of my LGBTQ+ interwebz friends and I have been sort of talking about this, what it's like to be forced out, to lose that control of something that is purely yours (and can be dangerous to you). Intentional or not, what happened in that hallway was really upsetting for a lot of us. And what happened because of it, even more so. What COULD happen now that it's been broadcast to the entire town. How easy it must be for someone who's never had to live with that fear to say there's nothing wrong with being outed in a homophobic environment as a justification for insulting someone. When someone even brings up your sexuality or your status (closeted or out), as an argument against you, as a punishment, they're taking away your agency, and more than that. It's an attack. They're taking away your right to come out when you're ready and willing, and your right to privacy. It can be so fucking scary... Your entire life can be at stake. You don't know what will happen to you. And so long as this country, this world treats you like a second-class citizen or a criminal, odds are the shit that happens to you from here on out is up to you to deal with on your own. People cay say "it gets better" all they want; but this is the present, and this is real, and this is what matters right now. Better doesn't just happen. The promise of someday doesn't keep parents from kicking their children out of their homes; it doesn't keep a jerk from beating the crap out of someone; it doesn't keep the priests and the fundamentalists from condemning us to hell, sometimes violently; it doesn't keep the "cure the gay" and "lesbian rape therapy" from destroying lives NOW. (See the top of this post for a petition.)

Santana is a 17 or 18 year old high school student. She obviously still depends on her family for food and clothes and shelter; probably for college too. All of that is now up in the air. Her private life is now being shared with the entire country, against her will, and she hasn't even come out to her parents yet. How the fuck do you say that she was justified after she has to go through something like that? She did some seriously fucked up things in this episode alone, including pelting the tiny new kid with balls until he bled. But I just cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would wish that kind of pain on someone. Why anyone thinks that's a fair punishment. The Straight While Male calls the little Latina Lesbian a coward for being closeted and outs her in a public place (after which the details of said conversation are broadcast nationwide) literally putting her safety and livelihood at risk; but she totally had it coming because she's a self-identified bitch, so it's cool. You must be so fucking privileged. Sincerely, a fat, queer, pangendered-but-female-presenting-whatever-that-means person of color who has been bullied and mocked for all of the above.

And for the record, no I don't think she should have hit him. (And Cory-- the actor who plays Finn-- says that slap was 100% real. Ouch. That was HARD. I mean. OUCH.) I try my best not to condone violence as well. But I have to say, if I were her, I know I would have done the same thing too.

TL;DR - I think they were both wrong. They both went too far. But if I absolutely had to pick a side, I'm taking Santana's. They both went too far, but Finn went WAY too far. The consequences of Finn's comments are far worse and far more damaging. And I think he could have chosen a better way to make the same point, while being just as effective in calling her out on the bullying.

Honestly, I am so fucking done with the drama of Glee. The fandom. I love my Pirates, but this show... It's a comedy and/or a drama or some shit like that, it's dropping viewers like flies and why? Because it makes jokes out of rape and foster families and abuse, as well as sexuality and other serious issues. It tries so hard to be serious and hard-hitting while simultaneously trying to pass itself off as a light-hearted, fun musical comedy, which really does not work with the subject matter. The writing is sloppy and inconsistent, and it's really fucking obvious that it's become all about the ratings and money and not about the stories. Almost no one but the diehard fans are left.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Excuse me while I rave about the iPhone update.

Oh. My. Gods. So the new iTunes/iPhone updates are the greatest thing ever. (Warning- I say that about everything I like.) I usually push it off for ages, usually until it's so old the next update's already out. I have no idea when this one actually came out. I don't care. It's prettier, it's more useful, and (fuck everything else), it makes reading easier. I can save things to reading lists. SAVE TO READING LISTS. Do you hear me? Fuck bookmarking, I have a reading list!!! And an in-browser e-reader! To change font sizes into something manageable when I'm on those archive sites that don't allow or offer proper options! It's GLORIOUS I tell you!

All of that aside, I'm actually really pleased with the new features. A reminder list without downloading a billion extra apps? (Why the fuck didn't that come standard??) I can access the camera from the lockscreen and have a separate little group of brand new photos to play with. I can actually fucking organize my photos properly.

Remember the days where we had to hack our Apple products to get this kind of functionality?? That's the only reason I didn't jailbreak my iPhone. Massive improvements since the Touch. (And do not EVER call it an "itouch" in my presence. It is an iPod Touch. Not an "itouch.") Glad to see they're keeping up with them.

Thank you, Steve Jobs.

P.S. - just found an updated flashlight app with a GOOD strobe light. Showers just got more fun. (Yes, my iPhone goes pretty much everywhere with me.)

P.P.S - OH! The scrolly thing is back! The titles finally scroll properly again! OH! Ok, really going this time. It's Glee night, and while I'm currently ranting about the fandom on my Tumblr, I have to prepare. I think [spoiler alert, highlight to read: Santana's getting outed tonight. Or Rachel's getting kicked out. I can't remember which.]

Monday, November 14, 2011

This is actually a srs bns post tho, I promise - Politics, Penn State, Racism, etc.

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Content warnings for heterosexism, sex abuse (Penn State), Sad McCain, police brutality, and racism.

Movie time! NaNoWriMo is on hiatus for me til my head is clear enough to think. And I ca So I thought I'd share a few short videos and news story that might be of interest. And even if they aren't, watch them. Maybe you'll learn something.

The Right to Love: An American Family"

Synopsis (from youtube):
While the passionate debate over the legitimacy of Marriage Equality in the United States rages on, the LGBT community continues to fight for their slice of the American dream. Powered by media, religion and influential anti-gay organizations, the civil right of marriage continues to be held just out of reach for many LGBT citizens.

"The Right To Love: An American Family" chronicles one story of courage born out of the highly mediatized and controversial Prop 8 2008 election results in California. A private Californian married gay couple and their two adopted children fight back against discrimination, ignorance and hate through home videos posted on their YouTube channel, 'Gay Family Values'. As they pursue their American Dream, the opposing political, social and religious opinions that pervade society attempts to strip it from them.
You have no idea how hard it is for me to not post the new Hunger Games trailer here right now. Anyway... Next order of business- Penn State. Yeah, this movie isn't as nice as the last one.

I haven't really been following this story (or anything in the news, to be perfectly honest) because thinking about it makes me nauseous, and I get enough of that from actually being sick... But it's pretty fucking awful.

News from the political world - John McCain's learned how to use twitter. And has said something we can agree with. He would know, anyway... But the GOP in this election... holy fuck. You know you've got a slew of asshats running when even McCain steps in to chastise (and half of Tumblr would rather vote for him than consider any of them...)

... i forgot what i was going to put here... so have this random amusing website instead Apparently I'll survive with 1st degree burns but I'll get cancer. What is this and why does it exist? Well, click on it to find out what it is. (SFW, unless your boss has a thing against Google Maps) Why? You can never be too prepared in the event of a global thermonuclear war, that's why.

Other things going on:
  • Hermain Cain. Why. Just... why.
  • Michele Bachmann apparently thinks the ACLU runs the CIA...
  • President Obama's healthcare law heads to the Supreme Court. (Seeing as yesterday's visit to the clinic was actually affordable for me for once and there's no way I would have been able to afford it if the law hadn't passed, I'm going to sit here and continue to hope that it stays in place or is improved. My prescription was $1.28 for antibiotics. $1.28!!! Can you even believe that???) This bill may not be even close to perfect; but for the 26 and under crowd, it's what many of us needed. So the way I see this... if it stays, great. We can focus on improving it. If it has to go... We get angry. We get enthused. We push for something bigger and better and we make it happen.
  • latest PETA scandal (sometimes they really just... the fuck even... Can you focus on shit that matters and actually do it right for once? I'm not a fan of how they operate. Have I mentioned that? Well now I have.)
  • Sinterklaas. Wait what.
What the bloody fucking hell is this, Netherlands? "Black Pete"??!! (Content Warning for Racism and Police Brutality) Maybe I don't want to live there anymore.

To summarize - as a part of the Sinterklaas celebration (a children's holiday in the Netherlands; similar to the American Santa Claus, which is based on Sinterklaas), people dress up as the equivalent of elves or gnomes -- Santa's helpers. Oh, you know, except Santa's helpers just happen to be North African slaves. They call it Zwarte Piet. We call it racist "black face."

Why yes, silly American girls, every year we participate in a racist caricature of the slave trade. Oh, what fun. And we even have candy and cookies with gratuitous usage of the n-word in their names! That's the holiday spirit! What? You want us to change? But think of the children! It's tradition!!!

Now if you'll excuse me... I just took some medicine and I feel like I'm dying a slow painful death. (... there's no way I'm allergic, am I? [nervous glance] I feel worse than I did before I took it...)

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Monday, October 24, 2011

R.I.P. #lgbt

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... Before I head to bed... I just... Can I talk about something for a moment?

It's National Coming Out Month. I live in a country where we're supposed to be "free" to pursue the things that make us happy and free to be who we are. So tell me then... why is it that we're not? Why is it that every single day we're still fighting for our right to live our lives the way we're meant to? To be treated as equal human beings, regardless of the things we cannot change? The things that never should have mattered in the first place... And I'm told -- we're told-- that things will get better. All around the world, things will get better. And we try to make them better, but...

So many lives are lost because others can't accept us for who we are. Whether it's by our own hands, after years of bullying or abuse, like Tyler and Jamey and all the others, or... or by the violent hands of others.

Stuart Walker. Beaten and burned to death. He was 28. 
Jamey Hubley, 15
Jamey Rodemeyer, 14

Rest in Peace.

#S978, Elections, and Getting Back to Business

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I do my best thinking at about 3 AM, but I don't have the luxury of time for that tonight. Election season has begun, and with NaNo starting in a week (!!!), it's time to get serious. [starts singing Mulan... whoops...]

OK! 2 hours later. Yeah, I went on a singing spree... Anyway. Time to get serious. It's election season, half my neighborhood is campaigning for someone I definitely do not want to win, and my mind is stuck in Drarry-land where everything is Drarry and smut and nothing hurts. I need to remember how to be a snarky, cynical bitch again. Good luck with that.

So. Tumblr's all a buzz - apparently it really IS all the rage these days. Guess who's 2012 campaign just kicked off there today? Yeah, that's right - President Barack Obama now has a Tumblr. Well, his campaign people do. I still haven't decided if I'll be (unofficially) joining them this year. I'm utterly thrilled about some things, while disappointed about others... What else is new. Do I believe he has potential? Yes. So much of it. Do I adore the guy? Totally. He's awesome and funny and inspiring. The real question is can he do it... This has been an era of LGBTQ+ strides for sure. But we've taken some pretty big hits to immigration policy and obviously the improvement of economy over the past few years... I suppose now would be a fantastic time to do a political report card. Ok then. I'll get on that.

Til then - new petition - As if we didn't have enough reasons to hate the RIAA and MPAA, apparently there's a new bill on the table (Bill S.978) that would prohibit people from posting videos containing music they didn't make themselves. So that funny Youtube video of you singing along to Christina Aguilera? Fined. Want to do a play-through of Metal Gear Solid? Nope. Give a review of it? HA. Made up a dance to Party Rock Anthem and you want to show it off? Or perhaps you've finally learned that new song on the guitar? LOL NO BITCH. Want to watch anime or JDrama that doesn't air in your country? Whoops. Go directly to jail, do not pass go. (Well, it's probably not going to get THAT extreme, but I'm sure you get my point.) Maybe this isn't something that you think concerns you, but it's kind of a huge deal to many who make a living off of game reviews; or to the aspiring singer/actor looking to get signed to a record label or The Glee Project (true fact-- that's how they audition); or to the every day netizen who enjoys posting silly videos for their friends on Tumblr. If you care, please sign here and pass it on!

And don't forget to #Occupy!

Sunday, October 23, 2011

More stupid shit.

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Not that anyone would know (or care) about this, but I haven't been posting as often as I wanted to due to some  personal stuff. And odds are, I won't be until I can get my head back in order. Sick relatives and acquaintances, utterly confusing *feelings* and such, intolerable mood swings and depression, and spending far too much time anxious and terrified of everything -- yeah, kind of not a good time for me right now. Honestly, I think I just need to get out more, but... well, that's kind of a big part of the problem.

And then I see the headlines in the news... and I wonder if the hopelessness really is just all me or if I'm just seeing the world as it is again. "Pennsylvania Man Set Ablaze by Friends for Being Gay" is the latest I've seen. And I hear that the war is finally coming to an end? A) I'll believe it when I see it; B) it's about fucking time; C) it never should have been started to begin with. 

I keep reminding myself that there's still something good in the world, keep listing all the things I still love-- I love my fandoms, I love my wifey, I love Halloween, I love my ships, I love the friends I think I still have (these days, I'm not always so sure...)-- just to keep from slipping, but... I wonder if that will ever be enough.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

"No one is immune from criticism." Especially not Dan Fucking Savage. #LGBT

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Yo. I know right, two posts in two days! What's the world coming to?? Anyway, I'm getting annoyed with myself for writing up all these ranty things and never publishing them, so for a while I'll queue up some things... starting with this. Long story short, I kind of got into a... an argument with someone I sort of considered a "friend" over something a prominent asshat said, and I needed to rage. And I couldn't share it here because that person would have seen it. So instead of publishing it anywhere, I talked it over with Wifey... Anyway, it's been a few months, I no longer give a shit what that person thinks of me (because they haven't the first clue about who I am), and what I said is still relevant. And probably angry, because this is a subject I talk about often...

I mentioned the Dan Savage thing already, right? That's what this is about. Or rather, that's what started this.

Here goes:

This is a rant. Just need/want to get it out. I would typically keep this to my regular blog, but due to various circumstances...

"Dan, when it comes to bisexuality, you are wrong. You are wrong about bisexuals, you are wrong to treat us the way you do and you are certainly wrong to treat our outrage as some sort of childish tantrum." -- [via]
"People who have a problem with bisexuals do not get to define whether or not their actions are biphobic. " [same article, same author,  from his comment here]

Now that I'm a little bit calmer than last night (and I say a little bit because the more I think about this, the more annoyed I get) -

This part is directed at a personal conversation. Not on Tumblr, but I just want to get it out instead of getting into a public fight about it. 
[Who the fucking hell are you to tell me how to live, or tell me who I can or can't dislike for the things they continue to say about "people like me"? If you agree with them, whatever, that's your deal, but I don't. And there are thousands more who agree with me. And I will continue to fucking fight their idiotic, bigoted ideas whenever the fucking hell I please. Stick up for them if you want to, it's always up for debate, but do NOT fucking tell me that my views are invalid because you think you know my life story. You know nothing about me or what I think or how I feel.
You do not get to dictate how I live, how any person gets to live their life. You are not the authority on LGBT issues, or bisexuality. Just because YOU can live a certain way does NOT mean we all have to "follow [your] shining example." And Dan Savage does not fucking know shit.]

For someone who created the It Gets Better campaign, you would really think he'd know better. "It Gets Better - for everyone but you, whiny butthurt bisexuals. Until you come out as gay or straight." -- to paraphrase.

Yes, Dan does GREAT things for the LGBT community. Even if it's mostly the G part. No one is denying that. But the biggest problem is, he's supposed to be a high-profile "expert," the advocate, and "enlightened mentor." Prominent, influential LEADER. People refer to him as a LEADER in the LGBT community and rights movement. That's what he TRIES to be. He has authority, he has a voice. THIS is why these things piss me off so much. He is in a position of power - he has the audience, the means, the clout, the ability to reach a large audience and influence thousands (if not more). He is someone who speaks for the community. And for someone who claims to support equality to constantly belittle and mock and bastardize LGBT+ groups, especially in a public forum, is just plain hypocritical and wrong. As someone said about this issue, you're either for equality or you aren't.

tl;dr - Dan Savage is a condescending, privileged asshat with a history of ignorant, biphobic, trans-phobic, anti-asexual, fat-phobic, sexist, sometimes racist, bigoted, self-important remarks, who claims to be super supportive and all for equality and tolerance but clearly is not. Yeah, he's done a lot of good, but he does A LOT of harm as well. And I have every fucking right to call him out on it. He's taken a personal grudge against a bi ex and generalized it into a mini-vendetta against all multisexuals. And people believe he's right. It's exactly because of the crap he says that makes it so hard for people to accept us, and makes it harder for us to come out. Maybe I should reword that - he is perpetuating the harmful stereotypes and slurs that

I love the IGB project (even though I do also think that it's not entirely perfect either), but at this point it's pretty much all done by everyday people anyway, not him. So no, I will not fucking sing the praises of Dan Savage. I do not think he's someone to be unquestioningly admired or put up on a pedestal the way he has been. He's human and flawed just like the rest of us. He does NOT always know what he's talking about. His word is NOT law. He's a glorified advice columnist, not an actual expert. Again, I'm not denying that he's done quite a lot of good. But he's also been an unapologetic bully, and to deny that does just as much harm as the bullshit he says.  It's never too late to change. So Dan, I'll be waiting for the day when you realize just how wrong you are and how wrong you've been, and apologize to the many people you've truly hurt. Because unlike you apparently, I believe in forgiveness, and acceptance. Oh, and not assuming that my experiences and worldview are the center of the universe.

Dan - There's a huge fucking difference between being snarky and being an asshat. Learn it.

In addition to all of that -: Do you know who it is that benefits the most from Dan Savage and things like the It Gets Better Project? Do you have any idea who organizations like HRC and GLAAD, and their campaigns like marriage equality and adoption tout and promote and benefit the most? White cis monosexual upper middle class, for the most part. Privilege.

It's not as easy as they would like to think. Maybe some people can afford to move to neighborhoods where they'll be accepted. Maybe some people can afford to risk losing their job and livelihood by coming out. Maybe some people can risk being kicked out of their homes because they can support themselves or find help if they need it. Not everyone is that lucky, or privileged. To shrug it all of with an "It gets better, so just sit tight," or  is actually pretty awful advice that gives the pretense of caring without ever actually having to do anything. Are you REALLY that oblivious and self-centered that you don't or can't realize that not everyone's life will be like yours? Guess what - for some people, it DOESN'T get better. And for some people, being closeted is a sucky option but it's the best. Not everyone has a life of sunshine and rainbows and never-ending wealth to fall back on when everything falls to shit. Pressuring others to come out because YOU think it's the "cool" thing to do, because YOU think everything will be perfect in someone else's life, is utterly selfish, rude, presumptuous. You are not an authority on anyone's life but your own, so please shut the fuck up and mind your own business.

All I can say to those on the other side of this - when you're ready. Not when someone else is ready for you to be. Fuck them. This isn't about them and what they want; this is about YOU. No one knows your life better than you do.

So while we all fight for those marriage equality and other middle class issues, never forget the DREAM Act, and ENDA, and other things that, I'm sorry to say it [this way], matter so much more to so many more right now.

Friday, September 30, 2011

What the hell, #BoA???

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(I'm all over the place today because I can't really talk right now and I'm trying to get as much down as possible, as quickly as possible...)
So. Bank of America. Way to piss me off yet again. If this goes through, you can guarantee that you'll lose many customers, myself included. (Yeah, label this post Woes of the Yuppie/Yippie. [sigh]) Just... what the hell are you thinking? A MONTHLY FEE? Charging your existing customers a monthly fee for what was once a free service, without any choice in the matter? Of COURSE we're getting the hell out of there. I can't afford to lose $5 a month for services I don't even get or care about, for a student checking account, when I have free accounts that won't charge me at all-- and are with more reliable, and more trustworthy, institutions.

Thankfully, there is plenty of outrage over this from all "sides of the aisle." And the Consumer's Union has outlined this lovely little guide to Moving Your Money. (Which reminds me - I have $2.66 in a bank that has since changed names and owners at least twice. I should probably close that account. Haven't used it in at least a decade... Do I get interest? No? Ok... Oh look, and that bank's about to start charging fees too. Am I going to owe them now? Fuck that.)

Anyway, why am I bringing this up, other than the fact that I'm pissed and I want to rant at them? Occupy Wall Street. Doesn't this seem EXACTLY like the kind of thing we're all fighting? And maybe this seems like a small amount of money to some-- but you have the luxury and privilege to think that way. Do not deny that it's privilege; do not even think for a second that it's not. Being able to GET to an ATM? Can definitely be privilege. Having access to a computer or even a phone to transfer funds to a bank that doesn't charge fees? Privilege. (Having a bank account with the option of online access? Yeah, I'd say that's privilege too, though I wonder)  Oh, and guess what? This is only for "regular" customers -- not the wealthiest top 2 tiers. (College students will also be exempt.) Isn't that exciting and different?

$5 a month  = $60 a year. That's $60 a year that should have gone towards bills, or food, or clothes or school tuition. Oh, but that's not just it - that's $60 extra BECAUSE money went towards those things, and because someone couldn't get to a Bank of America ATM or did not have enough cash on hand. And if they had used any other ATM? $3.00 fee from BoA, plus whatever fees the other bank charges - which is likely to be another $3-5. And sometimes there are fees on top of that too-- I'm lucky enough to not have monthly fees because I opened a student account, but many of the other checking accounts have a $12/month fee...

Do they have ANY idea of the consequences fees like this have on lower income individuals? Believe me, sometimes that $5 is everything. That $5 determined whether or not I ate for a few days. Maybe I should start with my experience. There are no BoA ATMs within walking distance. There are really no ATMs within walking distance that are associated with one of the bigger banks, and definitely none without usage fees. So my debit card is pretty much my ONLY connection to my money. All of my student loan bills? Directly from my bank account. Using my debit card if I'm late or I have to call the bill in. And no, it doesn't count as "online bill pay." Debit card. All online shopping? Debit card. Yes, I'm making more money now, but $5 a month just to use what always has been and should be a standard part of a checking account?? It's like paying $5 a month to use a key.

So - bad business practice? I certainly think so. Discouraging customers from using a service you provide? LOL no really. Try again.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Life and Other Things. (Trigger Warning - see below for details)

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This contains sensitive and personal subjects, including but not limited to suicide and self harm, and may be triggering. Proceed with caution.

Fucking pigs... #OccupyWallStreet

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What the fucking hell. I would be remiss if I didn't at least briefly mention this -- Occupy Wall Street.
(Did I say brief? Cuz I meant it.)

For starters - Great list of news articles here.
And for personal stories: We are the 99 Percent

I seem to have misplaced my anger at the moment, due to an excruciating headache and lack of sleep (see next post for why), but OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL. NYPD. Attacking peaceful protesters in the middle of the street like they're some sort of fucking heroes saving New York from... from what exactly? A bunch of people standing around, doing nothing worth getting upset and arresting them let alone forcefully throwing them to the ground... Bullshit. It's fucking disgusting. (And it brings me back to my psych student days... As to why they acted that way... [smh]...)

Though can I also say... While I support this movement and what it stands for, I'm not sure that it will be effective. It's not enough. Not yet. But I think this will be the start of something big-- if we can build up momentum and KEEP it. Stretch across the entire country.

Anyway, I really need to get some sleep. I've had a really rough weekend, and yes, I do want to talk about it. So yeah, next post.

#Glee's Quinn Fabray and Shelby Corcoran on the Adoption of Beth

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I'm cross-posting this from Tumblr, because I feel like there are points made there that are kind of relevant to "everyday life"... This is about tonight's (er, last night's... Tuesday night's) episode of Glee. So SPOILER ALERT if you care about that kind of thing. What this has to do with: Adoption, rights, and families.

(Background: in Season 1, Quinn Fabray was pressured into sleeping with Noah Puckerman. 4 episodes in, we found out she was pregnant. After a long, messy thing I don't feel like explaining, Quinn decides she's giving the baby up for adoption. To whom is irrelevant right now. Anyway, we meet Shelby, who is the head vocal coach of a rival show choir and the birth mother of the "main character" Rachel Berry [Lea Michele]. Shelby regretted giving Rachel up for adoption, but realized that she missed her chance to see Rachel grow up. Quinn and Puck's daughter Beth is born at the end of the season, and Shelby adopts her. Beth wasn't really mentioned during Season 2. Now, Episode 2 of Season 3, we see Quinn dealing with it all, now that Shelby -- and Beth-- are back in Lima, and Shelby wants Quinn to be involved.)

What I said during the liveblogging: "That's not fair at all. Neither what Shelby said OR what Quinn said. This is why I really didn't want them to bring up Beth again." I don't see this ending well. Complicated subject/situation, so...

tl;dr - It feels like: Shelby's forcing Quinn to deal with what I've dubbed "the Beth situation" because Shelby has her own issues (re: giving up Rachel) and she's deciding to force them onto Quinn. And it feels like Quinn thinks that since she's the Birth Mother, she somehow has the right to take Beth away from her mom just because she regrets the adoption. A year later. And somehow I'm supposed to believe that all of this is ok and "zomg creys forever she just wants her baby back" when I just want to shake them both and scream STOP THAT!!! It's all sad, yeah... but kind of offensive too.

I'm REALLY  hoping that THAT is where they're going with this... They're both in the wrong, and this entire situation is ridiculous. (Realistic, but infuriating nonetheless)

Quinn/Shelby/Beth pissed me off... I don't like it when A) someone tries to shame a birth mother for giving up their child, or tells them they did the wrong thing and that they should or that they have to be a part of that child's life -- "You'll regret it."; and B) when the birth mother thinks or acts like they have more of a right to be in the child's life than the adoptive mother. Everything between them just felt like all kids of wrong... IT WAS AN ADOPTION. Quinn GAVE UP full custody and rights to Beth when she signed those papers. Yeah, if Shelby wants, Quinn can be a part of Beth's life, but it's like... It felt like she was crossing too many lines. It seemed overly rude, and hurtful, and... Just because Quinn regrets what happened doesn't mean it can just go away and go back to the way it "should have been" or whatever she thinks is going to be like. It's not that simple, and I really hope she learns that. She made a choice, for the sake of her daughter, and for herself and her future. She wanted to give Beth a better life than she could have. Beth isn't yours anymore, Quinn. You've given birth to her, but you're not her mother anymore. You cannot have Beth back. "Full custody"??? That's not how it works.

Shelby, stop rubbing it in her face like she made some massive mistake and ruined her life or something, the way you think you did. Second chances are second chances-- for the BOTH of you. Quinn thought giving up Beth would guarantee getting her old life back, and when that didn't work, she decided she wanted Beth back? That's what this feels like... I guess that's what it is. And as much as it pains me to see Quinn upset again, I just... I can't. She's gone through a lot in 3 seasons, but she does need to grow up if she thinks "full custody" is an option at this point just because she has regrets. This feels like a huge step backwards in terms of maturity... Beth is a child, a living being, not a football. You don't just get her back because you want her and you think you're responsible enough now to take care of her. She has a new family now, and to take her from that, for these reasons, is selfish. This is the real world. Adult situations, adult consequences. ... It probably sounds kind of heartless, but... I'm pretty sure we'll be around to see the massive shock she gets when she finally realizes just how true this is...

I know Quinn has a lot of regrets around the entire Beth situation, and I know it would probably make her really happy to have Beth in her life again. What I didn't like was the way this played out... So again, yeah, I really hope that there's a bigger point to this... I made another post a while back about this whole thing, back at the beginning of the hiatus. (Feels sooo long ago, doesn't it...) If Quinn doesn't want to think about her biological daughter, she doesn't have to; and it's not right to make her feel like she's a bad person because she gave Beth up or because she doesn't want to think about something that's obviously painful for her. I see that so often, and it just really makes me sad.

I feel like I can't say this enough. No one who has given up a child should ever be made to feel that way, to feel ashamed for what they did. No one should ever be told that they're supposed to think about that child every single day and never try to move on. (No, I haven't been through it, but I can imagine. I know people who have been there. And working where I do now - I know teen parents [who have given up kids], and adoptive parents, who are all working their asses off and sacrificing everything to do the best they can for their children; and it pisses me off to no end that ANYONE thinks they have the right to tell these people that they're not trying hard enough or that they've fucked up.) You think it's easy, doing something like that, giving up your child? You think it's easy making those kinds of choices, especially for teen moms?  Maybe it is easy for some people, and you know what, that's perfectly ok too- the point is, that child will have a better life with a loving family. That is the ENTIRE point.

Sorry, I'm starting to rant again... Clearly, I have a lot of feelings about this.

Oh, and speaking of adoption and families - foster kids. Stabbing. Oh my god what the fuck even... I know this show plays off of stereotypes and all, but that, and the Asperger's... Wow. Offensive things can be funny sometimes, but that was not funny; just offensive.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Birthday Countdowns and GOP Idiots on TV.

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10 minutes til my 23rd birthday and I'm sitting here listening to Michele Bachmann prattle on about the evils of Gardasil. You know what, just for this I'd go get the damn shot. (I'm adamantly against it. For myself. If you want it, whatever, but there's no fucking way I'm getting that shot, and there's not a single thing anyone can do to make me [blows raspberry]...  And no, the entire scientific and medical community is not supporting it, Stephen. Still, Bachmann is an idiot. And like she really gives a shit about letting girls have choices...)

ANYWAY. Usually I do a personal post recapping my year and how I've changed, or some shit like that, but as the post I typed up was lost in a random BSOD (because I was also doing something I shouldn't have been doing...), it'll have to wait til I get home from work tomorrow.

Oh hey, new Michael Moore book... Hmm... Watching the Colbert Report for the first time in what feels like a decade. Oh, how I've missed this show... I'm slowly getting back to the real world, back to politics and activism. I'm working on a big post still, doing some research for it and such. LGBT+ things. I'm sure I've mentioned this already... Anyway, I want to finish cleaning off my bed and I only have 5 minutes left, so...

Yeah. Happy 23rd Birthday, Me. :-P

Monday, September 12, 2011

"The 90s Kid"

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Now that I've gotten myself on this little rant...

90s kids are not kids born in the 1990s, contrary to what seems to be popular belief on sites like Tumblr. It's not that simple. I don't know who decided this, but it's not really the way it works, is it... And I say all of this because I'm rather sick of all of these posts on my dash saying "asfhypsf reblob if u wer born between 1990-1999! yay 90s kids1!1!!!1 everyone else is stupid and has no sense! if you weren't born in this decade you're not a 90s kid so shut up!" It's like nonstop ageism on this site! I get that the main demographic tends to be younger people in their mid to late teens, and those of my age group are apparently a minority or something, but it's a little ridiculous, don't you think? (There are a few of the "bigger" 90s culture blogs that are perpetuating this and have been mocking those not born in the 90s decade, insisting that we cannot possibly call ourselves 90s kids. THAT is why I'm writing this.)

Yeah. No... Not only is that incredibly rude, but it's inaccurate. 90s kids, from a sociological standpoint, are children who grew up with the predominant [pop] culture of the early to mid-late 1990s. Generally this includes children born from 1985-ish to 1995. Technically we all also belong to the generation loosely defined as Generation Y, Millennials, or Echo Boomers - 1982 to 1995, if I remember correctly, though the range tends to vary between sources. Some start in the late 70s, some end with 2000, but I think children born in 2000 have probably experienced a very different world than those of us born much earlier. Things change too quickly... Anyway, back to the 90s kid thing. It's a technicality, perhaps, but in misidentifying "90s kid" as one solely born between 1990 and 1999, you're excluding many of us who do identify with that culture, perpetuated that culture, (and in some ways, created that culture). Just because you were born within a certain decade does not mean you experienced the culture of that decade. Again - it's not about when you were BORN, it's when you GREW UP. Your childhood. A lot of things do get passed down, and we share tradition and oral culture via playground games, etc, but it's not quite the same as living it. Remember how cool Windows 95 was when it first came out? (And how infuriatingly SLOOOOOW AOL 2.0 was when you got your first email address in 1994. [Oh yeah, but that was Windows 3.1. Wasn't that a blast...] And I still have that same exact one, at 23.) And remember when Carmen Sandiego was a game show? And jellies and Baby Sitter's Club and Oregon Trail -- in 8 bit, on the old Macintosh that only had green on a black screen? My sisters were born in the early 90s and some of that they don't even know about.

Anyway, I'm going to leave before I feel stupid for even pointing this out in the first place, because I really hate to be *that girl* who tells someone they're not a part of something, like they don't belong. I really don't want to be like that, and I worry that's exactly how I've come across right now. I don't want to try to re-label or redefine people-- which I'm sure I have, and I apologize for that... I just... I want to ask how others define "the 90s kid" and why? I'm curious to know how and why the definitions have changed over time...

and if there's some sort of reason why some believe that being born within a certain decade somehow makes you better, or more worthy of a label, than others. What even is that. Stop that.

tl;dr - it's not about when you were born, it's about what you've experienced, which is mostly determined by when you grew up. It's about your childhood and the culture around you, not your birth year.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

10 Years Later...

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10 years...

I couldn't sleep. I feel like I'm 12 again: just days before my 13th birthday, struggling to make sense of the world -- and my place in it. Again, I don't know what to say. It's one of those days where I know I'm going to feel sick and I want to say things I can't. No politics. Same as last year, same as every year before. But without that shield, without that defense mechanism... 

10 years marked by so much pain.
 And incompetence. And racism. And religious intolerance. And war. And so much death.

And sometimes I wonder if we do forget that those are causes of this pain too. Not just the attacks themselves and those we lost, but the reasons for it. Why it happened. I don't think we understand. I'm not sure we ever could. But I think, in order for us to move forward, as a nation, we need to make a greater effort to try. I think that would be a greater justice to those who have died, in the attacks and in the 2 resulting wars, than blind hatred and more death and destruction. I know... I know he wouldn't have wanted that.

They may be gone, but we never forget them. We never forget what they mean to us. And we never forget what humans are capable of doing-- ourselves included. Work for peace, not just for justice.

RIP. We miss you.

Saturday, September 10, 2011


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I'm not in a good place right now. I was up until an hour ago, but some things happened and I just feel... nauseous. Anyway, I've been off doing research for a post (yes, a REAL post!) while trying to catch up with friends and work and... I think people are avoiding me again. Which is... weird. I dunno. I've noticed it doesn't really faze me anymore. I've spent the last year being ignored by my own family members for something I had nothing to do with, and the past 22 23 years being ignored for just being me. So on that front, I'm in kind of a "fuck everyone, inocurr" kind of mood about it all. But I suppose that's part of why I feel so sick... My birthday's coming up. I hate my birthday... and that no one ever really cares or remembers... I'm wondering if he even will.

With tomorrow being what it is, I'll be back to say a few words. I don't know what, as I'm trying hard not to think about it, and about just how much has changed in the world because of it, but I'll be here.

I could really use a hug today.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Fuck Logic. And using complete sentences. And having a point.

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I feel like this is the part of the evening when I'm supposed to say something profound. Or rant about the insanity that is growing up in a hostile, heteronormative, cissexist, classist, racist fucking world where I'm supposed to believe that "things will get better but lol fuck logic just sit tight and wait for it." And I could talk about how I feel so utterly fucked up right now and how I don't even remember who I'm supposed to be anymore because it changes every second of every day... and Slytherin Yuppie Kiely is back with a vengeance. Elitist snob. (Well, really, when have I ever been anything but? The Dark Angel of Death. That's how it started. Princess of Hell itself... I wanted to master Death, then. I wanted more than anything to belong to Death, to make Death belong to me. There was a demon, a devil. My father. It was the strangest of nightmares, but I think I understand it better now that he's gone... Really. All of this started from some crazy dream I had during my parents' divorce. Well, just before it. My father's pretty much always been an abusive fucking bastard. And Kiely [pronounced like Kylie, not Keely] is an Irish/Celtic name, typically a surname but obviously also a first name too. Though I use an Australian transcription for pronunciation... I don't really want to go into all of my reasons for picking that name, mostly because I'm not entirely sure what they are, but yeah. So there, you have the story of my pseudonym and alter ego. Nightmare of a suicidal, depressed, and somewhat delusional, lonely teenager.) Still, I was raised to be a princess of sorts, and apparently somewhere on my mother's side is "royal blood," so...) anyway, I digress from my utter lack of a point. Seems a tad redundant, I know. Or something like that.

You'll have to forgive me. I haven't been sleeping well. I haven't had anything to drink tonight, or all week if I remember, but I still feel... fucked up. Out of my head. Better out of it than in it, I suppose...Which, if you were wondering, is why I spend so much time on Tumblr instead of dealing with the real world, or even writing here. It's almost like a support group. Well, in a lot of ways it is one... And even when I have absolutely nothing to say, I don't have to worry about not having anything to share. I just reblog. And boom, connections are made. Though then you also have days when you feel like shit because no one cares and you KNOW that no one cares, but whatever. What else is new. I'm having an interesting time reconnecting with old friends anyway. At least, the ones who have always mattered... and in some ways I'd like to think I've always mattered to them too.

Speaking of Tumblr, Hunger Games. I'd rather spend a million nights reading about dystopian societies than living one more day in this fucked up world. We are the Capitol. If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about, I'd seriously suggest reading this trilogy. (Despite what you may have heard, it is not anything like fucking Twilight, it is NOT about a love triangle though yes there is one in it, and it is ABSOLUTELY NOT about some weak little girl who cries over boys who don't love her the way she wants them to. Katniss is amazing and a worthy heroine. Katniss is INCREDIBLE. But ANYWAY...) Once you get around to it... The Capitol.  Everything we shouldn't be. Everything we are. Why are we so utterly fucked up? Or is it just me?

You know what I was thinking earlier? About all of this supposed brilliance I'm told I have. Where the fuck is it hiding now, that I can't think straight enough to write anymore. I don't think it ever really existed. But my biggest problem yet - I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know. And it's fucking me up. I just... exist.

Fuck logic.