Monday, November 23, 2009

Rules of Attraction - Class Rules

So I'm not exactly thrilled that I'm turning this into a "relationships" blog, because there are so many of them & it's such a subjective experience, but... You do what you can. And I can't say that my class isn't contributing to this - apparently "dating & relationships" is the current stage of my life. It's like everything revolves around it, from my conversations with friends to my phone calls to my classes... Everything.

Anyway, I had a point to make before I started rambling. (What else is new?) I'm in the midst of doing a dating survey for class, and the answers I'm getting (you know, provided people ever get back to me lol...) are interesting so far. But the general consensus I'm getting from everyone & that I'm realizing myself - it's so complicated to even define. What does any of this even mean? Why do we do it? And these stupid rules we have - why do they exist? They just make things more complicated than they need to be. Here's where I come in - I'm the n00b when it comes to this. Yes, I did swear off men (even though somehow I still ended up falling in love and leaving heartbroken... Somewhere in that is a major fail. Where I don't know. Probably the letting myself be in love but unable to act on it... Yea, let's go with that.) and I'm realizing now that was probably a stupid move on my part because I'm "behind" the curve on that (though I prefer to do things at my own pace. I will forever be a "child," thank you. Fuck you and your stupid norms :-D) So in the last (yikes) month, I've been chatting with one person in particular, & it's really made me question myself yet again. I don't know the rules of how this works, but what I've been doing so far seems to be ok (until he asked a really stupid question). But just the fact that I brought that up makes me wonder. My own personal rules, as compared to others' rules - what's the point? Where did these rules even come from? It seems like it's all about how we look to everyone else - the appearance of not seeming too desperate, too slutty, too... The list goes on forever.

And then there's Social Theory - the class that makes me realize just how much of a stuck up upper middle class bitch I really am. And that is where I will always be, because it is the lifestyle I am accustomed to, the life I've been prepared to lead. How has that played a role in my own dating behaviors? I realize now that it's been a huge factor in everything I've ever done. I see the guys who are enrolled at a community college, and I cringe. My mother would have KILLED me had I not gotten into a "decent" school - I wasn't allowed to not go to college either. I would never get a good job otherwise (her words, not mine. I don't want a career. I would be great at it, I'm sure, but miserable.) Community college has such a negative stigma, yet many of my friends went to one after high school. Why does my father's salary (which is really what it was) control who I befriend and who I later choose to marry? We like who we're used to. I grew up with the upper middle class, therefore I've been taught that it's where I belong... What sense does that make???

Friday, November 20, 2009

I want a kid like this...

Will Phillips, I am sooo proud of you!!!

^^" Fight the mindless sheep! REAL Freedom for all!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


So anyone who knows me knows all too well how stubborn I can be, especially when it comes to fads and the latest trends. If I like it, it's all well and good, but if I don't... Expect all hell to break loose. I was into the eco-friendly thing long before the current Green Movement. It drives me insane (mostly because of all the lies... Stupid capitalism turned something good into a money-making scheme of lies... as always...) I was hacking and downloading on the internet before I even knew what it was (I was like 6 at the time. I just really wanted access to something and nothing was going to stop me. I'm still stubborn and impatient like that ^^") When Harry Potter came out, and the Dan Brown books, I had started them prior to the major social boom, so I ended up being a part of the fad. O well, they were seriously worth it. If I'm addicted to something the first time I see it, then whatever, I like what I like. But now... It's scary to see how mindless people become. I wonder, was I like that? Fads are terrifying. No one has a mind of their own anymore. No one has their own opinions, likes or dislikes - dislike and you're out of the club. And we all know how important it is to feel like you belong.... (Damn you, Maslow!!!)

I react in a very strange way to fads now. The psychological term is reactance - a strong emotional response in opposition to something perceived as a threat, to put it simply. (It's how reverse psychology works. I tell you not to do something, you want to do it more.) I see something that threatens my individuality or my right to an opinion, I hate it. If everyone else is doing it, I want to do it even less. I don't want to like it either. It's not even about not being like everyone else. Non-conformity is a painfully unavoidable type of conformity...

I'm just sick of it all. Youtube (I didn't have an account for like 2 years after it all started. I preferred Veoh. Still do for the most part - it has full length movies that I often can't find anywhere else...); Twitter (a stupid site for Twits as we say here at uni), vampires (seriously, one fucking shitty book and the whole world goes crazy. Harry Potter was an international phenomenon, but the rest of the world didn't feel the need to turn everything into magical series... Have we no individuality in this country???), I could go on forever... (And you all know well and good I could very well do so, LOL...). It's so annoying - like everyone's vocabularies shrinks to 4 or 5 words. There are so many other things in this world!!! Yes, I dare to say it - there's more to life than Twilight!!!

I hate fads for the same reason I was agnostic all through high school (& now an atheist) - I want to find the truth for myself, not because someone told me what & how to believe. So it is with a heavy heart and open mind that I will torture myself for 2 hours and watch the goddamn movie -_-"

...Maybe. Probably not though.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Random Musings...

Studying was going well until i got distracted by Wikipedia (what else is new...)

I'm kind of freaked out now... What if I wake up & this is all some big dream? a mixed guy for president (whoo! represent! :-D) who won the Nobel Peace Prize (for... something.... he doesn't even know, LOL...) & so on & so forth... This world just gets weirder every day... But I shudder to think that Bush is still president (not that I blame him entirely. I don't think anyone should - that's just stupid. That's not the way the government works either. Everyone around him already knew he wasn't that intelligent and he was stubborn as hell. C'mon - C students who joined frats for the parties & cheer-lead on the weekends don't become president and declare war on random countries on their own. He couldn't possibly have done all of this on his own. No human can, no matter how powerful they are. As evil as Hitler was, he didn't do it alone. One can't be a leader without followers...)

Moral of the story - don't mind me, I'm just coloring my toes with a Sharpie ^^"