Apparently, it did post (the second time). Anyway, so I just wanted to elaborate on this really fast. Not to put a damper on that last post (the guest post), but this is far from over...
There are still 2 more trials (well, appeal & then trial) to go regarding the California case, and many politicians are reluctant to make this the big issue we need it to be. We haven't heard all that much from proponents of Prop 8 since the first trial ended. Why? Speculators suggest that issues such as the economy and immigration are enough of a distraction for conservative voters. (In which case, maybe it'd be a good idea to get DOMA & DADT repealed now ;-) Quick, before they pay attention again!) All I've personally seen are comments from reporters and pundits that the judge is biased because he is gay. I don't know if that's true, and frankly, I don't know if we should care. I think it's probably just a The question is, does it matter if a gay judge rules on a gay rights trial? Does it make a difference? [EDIT: Turns out it is possibly true. but not proven (SFGate. Very Questionable source), but was considered a non-issue. We shall have to see if it matters in the appeal... supposedly the lawyers have not yet decided (HuffPost) whether it will be of concern.]
I don't believe that his orientation should have any bearing whatsoever on his ability to give an impartial ruling, especially if you were to consider it as any other characteristic - gender, ethnicity/race, age, etc. It's just another trait at the end of the day. (By that same logic, "people of color" (as we have been called, much to my dismay) shouldn't be allowed to rule on issues of "race." Since that's just as much of a bullshit argument as orientation, I think it's safe to say that this will play out in our favor...) And I do believe his record (what little I've read of it, I'll admit) does indeed show that he keeps his personal ideology outside of the courtroom. The "smear campaign" against him is pretty weak... However, we do have to consider that it's very possible that no matter how "liberal" the 9th Circuit court is assumed to be, they could very well throw out the ruling on the grounds of a (at this point assumed) conflict of interest or other bias. For all we know, it could all be true. Should it matter? Of course not. Will it? We don't know. And for that reason alone, perhaps we should keep this in the back of our minds...
All of that aside, I've seen some evidence that the Supreme Court is already reluctant to take on this case. If the appellate court somehow rules to overturn the verdict, then the case will never make it to the Supreme Court... And even if the court also deems it unconstitutional, the Supreme Court can refuse to take the case, regarding it as a "state problem" or simply a California issue.
In terms of the case itself-- it was a seriously crappy defense, & based on that alone, yes, the ruling makes sense. And Judge Walker did an amazing job-- to make a long story short, he went above and beyond the requirements. It is highly unlikely that new evidence will be admissible during the appeal. It's possible, but very rare. (There's a lot of legal jargon that I don't feel like trying to rewrite, but basically, I believe the defense will have to prove that they were unable to provide the evidence because of some unforeseeable circumstance.) Based on that alone, I think the ruling will likely hold, at least in California. That was a court case based on the California Constitution, if I'm not mistaken. What about the rest of the country? Again, that's just California, & it's not the only case regarding same-sex marriage. I think it's vital that this case get to the Supreme Court, if only in the hopes of setting some sort of legal precedent that trumps any state laws. We already know that most of the justices on the supreme court already think that a ban is constitutional, by their own "research," including Ms. Kagan. They argue that it's a "state thing." At least 30 states have already banned same-sex marriage, whether by statute or constitution (& several have had multiple court rulings that upheld the ban). So it's have the Supreme Court interpret the Constitution to mean that the ban is itself unconstitutional, and/or push ahead to try to get an amendment passed. (Scholars argue there isn't much of a difference. Either the interpretation changes, or we change the document itself...) And to change the federal Constitution itself with an amendment takes 2/3 of the states - 35 out of 50 need to agree, and as only 5 out of 50 so far have agreed... This case is just a first step towards equality. It's nowhere near over... whether or not that ruling will be considered/applied universally, or if it will be argued that the ruling can only be based on that particular defense and applied only to that particular state... or thrown out altogether. It can still be overturned before it gets to the Supreme Court... & then the Supreme never has to get involved. (Though I have no doubt whatsoever that we'll keep fighting until we've achieved equal rights for everyone, no matter how long it takes.)
Still celebrating, in my own way. (I'll be waiting for that wedding invite someday!!!)
The appeal has yet to be scheduled. In the meantime, let's whisper amongst ourselves... :-D
(This post/story is now a few weeks old, but it took me a really long time to get to a shareable point, so... Here it is.)
It's stories like this that renew my hope for humanity...
The title of this post is the message on one of the church members' signs. While I can't really speak for the church group, or even vouch for their validity, I can identify with some of their messages. I haven't always been a gay rights supporter... In fact, it took me a long time to even realize there were disparities. What's that word they keep throwing around regarding teaching children principles that they will never be allowed to question or doubt... Indoctrination. Typical. Catholic schools (which we often lovingly referred to as our "fascist oppressors...") only teach children that homosexuality is evil and a sin that would send you straight to hell. We barely even discussed it in grammar school, and when we did it was something dirty and shameful... A slur, an insult... I remember one day, a bunch of us were sitting in the back of the bus, and one kid was going on about how the Church must be mixed up, because all women are gay and all men are lesbians... Let's just say real information was scarce. My high school was a bit more liberal, there was a grand total of 2 openly gay students that I got to know, and for the first time we began to talk about these things in class in a way that involved actual information from sources other than the Vatican. These new teachers taught that while, engaging in homosexual behavior was against the Church's official teachings, the Bible doesn't condemn love-- just sex-- & what happens in private between 2 people may be sinful according to the Church, but it's no one else's business. It's very embarrassing to admit that less than 10 years ago I used to join in on the bashing. I would get very uncomfortable when anyone used any sort of slur, but I rarely said anything about it. I wrote in a fanfic once when I was about 14 about how disgusting yaoi was, ran around quoting the bible, and volunteered for a debate against allowing gay marriage. (I'm horrifically embarrassed and ashamed ... Now I'm so in love with yaoi that hetero couples bore the hell out of me & I find myself leaving a show mid episode to find some good slash to make it all better ... Sorry, Topanga, but Shawn & Cory are just totally meant for each other and you know it! Just like House/Wilson, Kyle/Cartman [yea, I know that's messed up, but Cartman sooo has a thing for Stan... Explains EVERYTHING.], Chuck/Nate, or even Chuck/Dan. I mean, yea, ChuckXBlair was good & all, but Chuck/Nate??? Why didn't I think of this sooner?! Oh yea, socialization.) It was all just too far out of my little conservative comfort zone. I find it odd now that we were learning about these things at the same time as Brown vs. Board, Jewish & Japanese internment in the 30s-40s, the Civil Rights Movement, Native American and Aboriginal rights, yet there was such a disconnect between the fact that discrimination and inequality is wrong, and that we continue to discriminate against so many and it's somehow "ok" because "the Bible says so." (Despite the fact that separation of Church & State should be enough of a barrier to keep religious groups from getting laws passed to favor their own beliefs... I have yet to come across a legitimate argument against same-sex marriage that isn't entirely based on religion or illogical reasoning...)
Even up until college I had some doubts about everything. (These were the end of my "I'm smack-dab in the center" days. I've always been more of a centrist than a radical, and I've been a "socialist" since I was 15, but never really embraced the entirety of the concept until I was 18.) By then I had learned enough to know that is, learned more in my sociology and psych classes, and all of my doubts went away... We're all human. Our behaviors aren't naturally moral or immoral, and just because one group says something wrong because a book or mystical cloud-person "says so" doesn't make it true. Why should I or anyone else tell people how to live and love?? Religious beliefs should never be forced on others... I regret that I ever bought into anything that hurt others, or participated in fear- and "morality" based derogation. And for that, I am truly very sorry.
I've since renounced my formal brainwashing. I guess you can call this "new me," and my advocacy/activism on gender and sexuality issues, my penance. (The "rebel" teen years were the best thing I could've done.) I'm a humanist-- I no longer call myself a Christian (as I can't get past that whole believing in a "God" thing), although I do believe that the man called Jesus (if he existed) was someone to be admired and respected, just as Gandhi should. Jesus preached love and acceptance, Catholicism preaches hate and discrimination... and denounces hypocrisy?! (Wasn't there something about glass houses, or people without "sin" casting the first stones?) If there is anything positive that I have learned from Catholicism and Christianity, it's that every creature deserves to be loved and respected for who they are, and we should strive to be accepting. (I won't use tolerant, because it's literally impossible to be tolerant of everything. We shouldn't be tolerant of racism/sexism/classism and bigotry... Plus I believe that we should truly strive for more than tolerance.) I'm trying to work now as an ally and advocate, because as much as the words "I'm sorry" have meaning, it's not enough. I fully support equality of all people, but words are stronger in action. I even have my little "I <3 <3: I support Gay Marriage" bumper sticker from Credo in here (right next to my NO SB1070 sticker, and my Liberal definition t-shirt... Still waiting for my Greenpeace anti-drilling sticker... Ordered that one in April, didn't I? The well's been stopped-- for now. Still against drilling, always have been and always will be, but I kinda want my sticker too... And where's my Marriage is So Gay t-shirt? Ordered that weeks ago too! :-D)
What will you do to show your support? For more info, or to learn what you can do to help, check out some of these sites: Straight for Equality PFLAG MarriageIsSoGay.com (They have cute American-made, sweat-shop free t-shirts & donate a portion of proceeds to organizations that support marriage equality. Each shirt has it's own unique number. I've ordered mine, 6 months later, now that I have money again lol...) Human Rights Campaign I bet we can find 1,000,000 People who Support Same Sex Marriage FB group (which actually has over 2.2 million members...)
Edit: DOMA has been declared unconstitutional, which is a major win. Argentina is the first Latin-American country to legalize same-sex marriage with all the same rights and privileges as every other marriage. DADT is on it's way towards repeal (hopefully). We're getting there! Keep up the fight for equal rights for everyone!!
Lol, ok, so I missed writing about things other than politics, and I've been meaning to finish a post on romance for like ever. (Please forgive this paragraph, I promise I won't be talking like this the whole time!) Before I delve into the specifics of the sex and dating survey I did last year, I thought I would try to answer some of those questions myself, since I chose not to formally submit my own survey...
Demographics: - 21 yr old, Upper Middle Class, Multi-ethnic female, (mostly) heterosexual (to be honest, I score about a 2.5-3 on the Kinsey scale, actually... Right smack dab in the middle. Mostly because I don't really care, I'm just not that interested.) and not in a committed relationship. - Currently single, & the line "she says she doesn't want a boyfriend; she's better off with friends" is exactly how I feel about that. Really wouldn't mind either way, but I'm just fine without one.) - Not in a relationship of any sort Why? Because I tried getting into thinking about that whole "dating" thing, both offline and on, and it's just not for me. Couldn't stay interested long enough, and I guess I just don't like people. :-D (No, I'm just picky about who I associate with... I can tell within a minute or two of talking to someone whether or not we'll get along or if I want to get to know them. A lot of my closest friends are the same way... So very weird.) - What is dating? Let's not go there again. I think it could be an event or a state/process. Just don't get me started on stupid societal norms... (I know, I know, there's a reason for it and all, but I don't see why there has to be so much pressure on people to date and get married... It's not that big of a deal anymore, being married or not... Oh look, I answered 3 more questions already.)
Alright, that's enough of that.
Those who know me may know 2 things about me- 1. I don't trust anyone; and 2. I don't want to fall in love. I'd say even fewer really know why. (Contrary to popular belief, it's not because of things that happened in the past. Well, not directly or entirely. Has some influence on how I go about things, but other than that, it doesn't mean anything anymore.) It's a combination of feelings for me, this "love" thing -- at first, happiness... then feeling so stupid for feeling happy or even having such thoughts... I've put so much emphasis on keeping my mind in control. It's complicated... I hear the songs and see the places that remind me of everything and anything, including recent experiences, media, and how I'm told things are "supposed" to be. And I don't know how to feel anymore. It's dizzying, like I don't know what to think or like anymore, because the confusion and feelings are so overwhelming that I get lost trying to fight back memories and impositions on the way I live my life. So yes, I resist "love" and things related to it (with the exception of infatuation... That never goes anywhere anyway.) I've been reading all these stories over the years, in various books and manga. Though one particularly stood out to me... It was about two 15 yr olds, a boy and a girl, who grew up together. I'm sure you can guess where it was going. As I was reading, I couldn't help but think how awkward it must be - how awkward it was. To wake up one morning and the boy you always thought of as a brother suddenly looks... different. You're suddenly jealous when you see him talking to other girls, even though he's been friends with them as long as you have. Your hands accidentally brush together, and you both blush. Suddenly you care if he sees you in your bathing suit. Your parent's brush it off as "adolescence" and "teenage hormones." You don't know what it is. Your heart beats faster, your breath catches in your throat... It certainly seems like something weird is going on. Your friends tell it you it's just "love."
(EDIT: On second thought, I think it's best that this story dies tonight... Fate is scary as hell. I'd like for things like this to stop happening, thanks. The Cosmos likes to play cruel jokes on me...)
I've been told that love is not a feeling, but an action. I don't actually agree with that, to be honest. It's more of... an interpretation of feelings. I think it's about feelings of attachment and connection. I think that the things we do may be out of love, or because we love someone, but the actions themselves are not love. Expressions of love, but not love. Chemical changes in the brain cause various psychological and physiological reactions that we interpret as emotion. How we feel influences how we act. I said last time I discussed this stuff that I don't really believe in dating-- the initial stages, at least. It's not something I would be interested in pursuing at this time in my life... I guess it just doesn't seem as natural as relationships should be. I believe in logic and lust and attachment, not so much heart-throbbing passion. In evolution, there's no need for "love," so is it even real? Isn't it more likely to be an offshoot of lust, empathy, attachment? It's so confusing- both in definition and in experience.
It turns out, I'm not the only one who has trouble defining love or dating. The actual paper is insanely long, but I created a shorter version for you. If you participated, I want to thank you again for helping me out! It was really fun, actually... And learning about this side of my friends was quite interesting. We don't talk about these things often. So here they are, the results of my dating & sex survey! (If you want to download a copy, see me for a different link.)
So I'm not exactly thrilled that I'm turning this into a "relationships" blog, because there are so many of them & it's such a subjective experience, but... You do what you can. And I can't say that my class isn't contributing to this - apparently "dating & relationships" is the current stage of my life. It's like everything revolves around it, from my conversations with friends to my phone calls to my classes... Everything.
Anyway, I had a point to make before I started rambling. (What else is new?) I'm in the midst of doing a dating survey for class, and the answers I'm getting (you know, provided people ever get back to me lol...) are interesting so far. But the general consensus I'm getting from everyone & that I'm realizing myself - it's so complicated to even define. What does any of this even mean? Why do we do it? And these stupid rules we have - why do they exist? They just make things more complicated than they need to be. Here's where I come in - I'm the n00b when it comes to this. Yes, I did swear off men (even though somehow I still ended up falling in love and leaving heartbroken... Somewhere in that is a major fail. Where I don't know. Probably the letting myself be in love but unable to act on it... Yea, let's go with that.) and I'm realizing now that was probably a stupid move on my part because I'm "behind" the curve on that (though I prefer to do things at my own pace. I will forever be a "child," thank you. Fuck you and your stupid norms :-D) So in the last (yikes) month, I've been chatting with one person in particular, & it's really made me question myself yet again. I don't know the rules of how this works, but what I've been doing so far seems to be ok (until he asked a really stupid question). But just the fact that I brought that up makes me wonder. My own personal rules, as compared to others' rules - what's the point? Where did these rules even come from? It seems like it's all about how we look to everyone else - the appearance of not seeming too desperate, too slutty, too... The list goes on forever.
And then there's Social Theory - the class that makes me realize just how much of a stuck up upper middle class bitch I really am. And that is where I will always be, because it is the lifestyle I am accustomed to, the life I've been prepared to lead. How has that played a role in my own dating behaviors? I realize now that it's been a huge factor in everything I've ever done. I see the guys who are enrolled at a community college, and I cringe. My mother would have KILLED me had I not gotten into a "decent" school - I wasn't allowed to not go to college either. I would never get a good job otherwise (her words, not mine. I don't want a career. I would be great at it, I'm sure, but miserable.) Community college has such a negative stigma, yet many of my friends went to one after high school. Why does my father's salary (which is really what it was) control who I befriend and who I later choose to marry? We like who we're used to. I grew up with the upper middle class, therefore I've been taught that it's where I belong... What sense does that make???
Warning - I don't really do short, now do I. THIS IS LONG (if you couldn't already tell). This is the short version too - I could go on FOREVER... Anyway:
I can't say this doesn't feel silly. Anyway, while I'm sure no one actually wants to hear me ramble on about some stupid crap, I will continue on. I will be completing my projects and posting final results, however there will be more information on that later.
Right now, the topic that's been on my mind (and friends' minds...) is apparently "romance." I figured this week I would present a few different takes on the situation.
Tonight- Single life. I want to present a… well, a personal argument, that shows another side of dating- the non-existent side, that is, and some reasons for it.
I chose to present this as a more personal entry in natural voice, as I believe this to be something that is unique and personal to everyone. (There is some [cough] “mild” language.)
In American society, so much emphasis is placed on "finding the right person" and "falling in love." In fact, Western cultures are quite unique in this aspect - some other cultures don't even have words to describe "love, " and very, very few even have similar concepts of love. Why is it that it is so important to us? Why is it so engrained in our society (besides occurring as a result of our religious background as a country...)? Time Magazine recently rated eHarmony, the infamous dating website, to be the most depressing site of the year (sorry, Google it, I lost the source). America has the highest rate for divorce in the ENTIRE WORLD (see here for very basic, probably less-official list: http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_div_rat-people-divorce-rate). It can’t all be that much of a coincidence, can it?
What about those of us who are less interested in currently finding romantic love, for whatever reason? It's sometimes hard for others to understand exactly why dating and romance are more difficult or are different for some of us. Everyone is different, and it is the same for “love”. Most are aware of the different types of love, but does anyone really think about the different types of "romantic" love? Why should it be the same for everyone? Yes, in the end, we are all human, social beings who need “love” to thrive. However, we pride ourselves on being unique and distinctive. Shouldn't our marriages, romances, relationships, etc. be just as unique and special as we are? Shouldn't they be a reflection of who we are as individuals?
There’s only one good thing about being single in America- having single friends (who aren’t obsessed with “finding someone”) to hang out with. There’s no point if you're the only one, because then all you can think about is “finding someone” too. It seems paradoxical. Or a trap.
Newly “Twitterpated” friends keep telling me "we have to find you a man!" over and over again (Odd how many of them there suddenly are. I would say at least 3 or 4 people, this past semester alone. And no, “twitterpated” doesn’t have a damn thing to do with micro-blogging! Watch Bambi for gods-sake!).
My reply? "What the hell would I do with one?" Don't get me wrong, I’m not so naive, prudish, or "holier-than-thou" to completely ignore the reality of the situation. Nor am I the type that hates men, or hates the idea of a steady relationship or does not want a husband and family (or just a wedding, I think I can deal with it if there's just a big, fancy, cake and dress wedding with a groom and dancing and a beach...). I just don't see the point in investing so much time and energy into finding (let alone keeping...) someone who is actually interested in me or my life. I find it to be too daunting a prospect, an impossibility, especially considering the rates of failure for normal couples. I’ve realized in the past few years that I’ve completely forgotten how to interact in such a way, and relearning seems to me impossible. Despite all of this, don't tell people that they’re only single because they want to be. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. I am so sick of hearing that. It’s such bullshit. Given the choice (and I mean immediate choice, as in: here is a guy/girl, are you single or not?), most of us probably wouldn't be. If it were easier and only relied on our own individual efforts and not someone else's aesthetic/personal choice, then absolutely. However, that is not the case, and therefore it is not as easy as "find one you like." There's no H&M for boys (Though could you imagine... ;-D).
Another thing I’ve noticed- once single friends are no longer single, they tend to disappear! When you do actually see them, it's always "my boyfriend this" or "when are you going to find someone?" (It’s ok the first few times, but when you start hearing this for YEARS, it really gets old fast.) Suddenly, going out to clubs is a lot less fun, and you find yourself staying out late at night, alone, in random places because your roommate is with her boyfriend and a) is "busy" in the bedroom and kicked you out, or b) it's just too lonely there without her... And when you bring it up with another friend, their advice? "Why don't you find someone too?" That's what I hate most about people who are dating- they expect everyone else to want to do it too! Grr… What’s great for you just stresses me out to no end.
So to remedy my new lonely situation, I tried to seek out other people to hang out with. That didn’t really work out too well…So I searched online for stuff for single people to do- except I meant single in the literal sense. Of course, the only things that came up were "find the right person for you!" kinds of crap. Seriously? Because I couldn't possibly just want some information about things to do by myself? No, please, advertise to me about finding my true love, because apparently that's what you think I should be doing instead of spending some quality me time. I even searched around for some new friends to chat with online in my usual forums... Oops, forgot I’m too shy to actually talk to people. Needless to say, that didn’t really go too well either. I did find a lot of stuff to keep me busy though.... I learned a billion new recipes, a bunch of new songs on the guitar AND the piano, bought new video games, planned my costumes for Otakon. I’ve been wondering why the semester seemed so empty this year. I’ve been so incredibly busy with school work, to keep my mind off of life. I just wanted to spend time with my friends... (Not that I’m blaming them or anything, if that’s how it sounds… Again, their choice, their lives… I just miss them!) I miss the days when it wasn't about finding romance but just... living. Why does growing older have to be about careers and marriage? What happened to life? Enjoying a cool breeze, the fuzziness of a dandelion, the feeling of mud between your toes? Why must we make things so complicated?
I wonder sometimes if I’m normal... (Yes, I googled that too. I had way too much time on my hands one night, and when there's no one to talk to... well, what else is there to do?) I think the answer is yes and no. The sad thing about “normal” is that it’s based solely on the majority, and it has incredible capacity to change. The majority isn’t always right, and what’s right for some or most isn’t necessarily right for all. However, apparently there are a lot of people who feel the same way I do, or are my age and have never truly dated. There’s just so much peer pressure for certain age groups, and it’s starting even younger now. Since when were 10 year olds so concerned with dating? I’m pretty sure I was still playing with Barbies at 10. The idea probably never even crossed my mind until…13 maybe.
I remember a few years ago (freshman year!), my friend invited her boyfriend’s friend to go to this big dance, with me (as a friend, of course). It was awkward, but a lot of fun. We even ended up talking a bit later on in the semester. I can’t say much for his side of things, but from the moment he agreed to go, all of my friends jumped into “matchmaker” mode. It was unbearable. By the time I was actually supposed to meet him, I was too nervous to even say hi! And afterwards… “You two got along so well! You have so much in common! Do you like him? What’s going to happen next?” before I even got my shoes off. They even started badgering him to say what he thought of me! Semi-mature young adults, acting like little middle schoolers over something as silly as a dance… It’s amazing how crucial it became to the rest of the evening’s activities… One friend said that everyone just wanted to see me try dating someone for once. They said it was the normal thing to do, that I should try it because I might like it. I replied that no one had actually asked me my opinion about dating beforehand. No one bothered to ask me why I didn’t want to date. And since when is my private life their business, anyway?
It’s not like I don't feel anything for anyone. I have many crushes; I just don't do anything about them. I suppose my shyness and fear of rejection (damn you social phobia!!!) play a role in that., however I do have my (legitimate) reasons. I’m not so anti-social that I won't talk to someone... or perhaps I’m just too traditional when it comes to this. Either way, does it matter that I don't believe in dating? I think it's ridiculous, to be perfectly honest. I mean the "I like you, let's go have dinner and see a movie" type of crap kids do nowadays (again, I’m guessing here. I wouldn’t exactly know, now would I). What’s the point? Awkward conversation followed by awkward silence followed by 2 hours of fidgeting in a seat next to them followed by... I don't even know. I would be so bored by the end of dinner... can you really get to know someone like that? I really don't think so. I wouldn't know what to talk about to begin with, nor would I really want to talk about myself and divulge my life's story like that. It’s such a silly concept, really. I can understand why many people do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone.
My first thought (and a warning from other friends), when confronted with all of these ideas, was the risk of a self-fulfilling prophecy- to make it as simple as I possibly can, it means something will come true because I unintentionally made it the result. Setting yourself up for failure. If I believe I’ll never fall in love, I won’t be able to. If I believe I'll get hurt, I will. How depressing is that. And since I'm a fatalist, it seems even more depressing, because it means that it was always meant to be. For me, it’s not at all that I believe romantic love doesn’t exist, or that I’ll never find it (again?), but that it comes with a slew of unwanted attachments and so many other problems. For one, I’m kind of looking for something that’s long lasting, not short-term. The idea of a summer fling is absolutely appalling, because I become very emotionally attached to people very easily- a typical problem for a lot of people, surprisingly. Short-term relationships can be more painful than they’re worth. (I don’t care how many people I meet in life. I prefer quality over quantity.)
Being in love has its perks, but I’ve also found it to be… well, annoying at times. (I was a complete ditz -_-“) It’s impractical, fickle, and unpredictable, and overall focuses far too much on the “heart” over the mind—all the things I (a Virgo) can’t stand. That’s where marriage comes in- a practical solution to an impractical problem. Marriage, in its most basic form, is a social and economic arrangement designed to create and foster a stable society. Love is actually quite irrelevant, but we like to believe that it strengthens the bonds. And it might. Or not. Depends on the type of love, really. Companionship vs. passion? You can’t really build a future on passion. Sorry… It’s fun while it lasts though.
So what about other people? Friends with benefits? Eh, why not. When there is no love or need for it, it’s purely instinctual, fulfilling a basic need. A lot of people seem to find it weird that I’m ok with this and 1-night stands (not to say that I would ever engage in either, but I won’t judge you if you do/would. Your choice, your life, live it while you can. Just be safe about it.) Again, who said sex and love have to be related? (Answer: religion! I’m trying to keep this as secular as possible, so if what I’m saying goes against your personal religion, remember that this is my personal opinion and I am basically an atheist, so I really don’t care about religious opinions. They are IRRELEVANT right now.) As someone once said to me, if you can’t have the real thing [love], why not something that’s like “practice.” Humans, men in particular, are not wired for monogamy. It’s actually detrimental to the evolution and genetic viability of the species. (DO NOT TAKE THIS AS AN EXCUSE FOR CHEATING!!! If you make a commitment to someone, be a man/woman and keep it. While technically it is the basic reason a lot of people cheat [though they don’t actively process it as “for the good of the species.” It comes out more as a “Ooo! Pretty! Must mate with it!”], that doesn’t mean they aren’t responsible for their actions! Seriously, this is where I must advocate self-control, and the only reason for that is because when emotions are involved, sex can be a weapon and a burden. What right do you have to hurt someone else because you can’t control yourself? So pathetic...
I also think it’s kind of pathetic the way we throw around words like “I love you.” Those words have lost so much meaning, so if that's the case, why even bother saying it? There are a few people in this world (and one in particular that my sub-conscious will not let me forget -_-“) that I never said those words to, and I will always regret that fact because I will never have another chance. But to those I say it to now – I mean it with all of my heart. To me, love is not something to be taken lightly. When I say it, I want it to mean something. I want it to be the special feeling/event that I’ve been told it should be- & something that can never be taken back.There are a few of us who would like to believe that true, pure love, if it exists, is worth the sacrifice and the patience. The question is, how and where is it found?
My point? The obvious. Love and romance can be complicated, and pressuring people to find it can have serious consequences that you don’t even realize. Serious psychological issues that can be triggered or “started” as a result of romantic interaction – depression, sexual dysfunction/disorders, obsessions. How else could “couple’s therapy” be such a flourishing business? Everyone is striving to become a picture perfect couple – there’s no such thing! From a young age, girls are taught to dream of marriage—to perfect princes who will sweep us off our feet. We’ll live happily ever after, a perfect life with a perfect family and a perfect husband. Everything about life is romanticized, from birth til dying beside our “one true love,” our soulmate. The fact is, that is not reality, and it can be a painful road to that reality.
Wow, you’ve read this far… Thanks and Congrats. I guess I should also say that I’m working on a novel right now (or should I say still…) that kind of works through all of this- or should I say that the main character is trying to work through her definitions of “love” and relationships to find out for herself what it’s really all about. It’s (hopefully) not as stupid as that last statement made it sound. I’m trying to represent a more realistic romance I suppose (sort of a romance novel but, not. I hate romance novels… most of the time.) If it’s any good, I may try to get it published as an e-book or something (it’s really not as bad as I’ve probably made it sound…). Wish me luck!
P.S. - Anyone "mentioned" here- I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! ^^"
Comments have been re-enabled. We will no longer feed the trolls. If you have something to say, go right ahead, but I will be moderating comments. I'm really not one for censorship, but if you can't disagree without being disagreeable, find somewhere else to post your vitriol. You can still email me here.
... Now I'm so in love with yaoi that hetero couples bore the hell out of me & I find myself leaving a show mid episode to find some good slash to make it all better 
... Sorry, Topanga, but Shawn & Cory are just totally meant for each other and you know it! Just like House/Wilson, Kyle/Cartman [yea, I know that's messed up, but Cartman sooo has a thing for Stan... Explains EVERYTHING.], Chuck/Nate, or even Chuck/Dan. I mean, yea, ChuckXBlair was good & all, but Chuck/Nate??? 
Why didn't I think of this sooner?! Oh yea, socialization.) It was all just too far out of my little conservative comfort zone. I find it odd now that we were learning about these things at the same time as Brown vs. Board, Jewish & Japanese internment in the 30s-40s, the Civil Rights Movement, Native American and Aboriginal rights, yet there was such a disconnect between the fact that discrimination and inequality is wrong, and that we continue to discriminate against so many and it's somehow "ok" because "the Bible says so." (Despite the fact that separation of Church & State should be enough of a barrier to keep religious groups from getting laws passed to favor their own beliefs... I have yet to come across a legitimate argument against same-sex marriage that isn't entirely based on religion or illogical reasoning...)