Monday, November 23, 2009

Rules of Attraction - Class Rules

So I'm not exactly thrilled that I'm turning this into a "relationships" blog, because there are so many of them & it's such a subjective experience, but... You do what you can. And I can't say that my class isn't contributing to this - apparently "dating & relationships" is the current stage of my life. It's like everything revolves around it, from my conversations with friends to my phone calls to my classes... Everything.

Anyway, I had a point to make before I started rambling. (What else is new?) I'm in the midst of doing a dating survey for class, and the answers I'm getting (you know, provided people ever get back to me lol...) are interesting so far. But the general consensus I'm getting from everyone & that I'm realizing myself - it's so complicated to even define. What does any of this even mean? Why do we do it? And these stupid rules we have - why do they exist? They just make things more complicated than they need to be. Here's where I come in - I'm the n00b when it comes to this. Yes, I did swear off men (even though somehow I still ended up falling in love and leaving heartbroken... Somewhere in that is a major fail. Where I don't know. Probably the letting myself be in love but unable to act on it... Yea, let's go with that.) and I'm realizing now that was probably a stupid move on my part because I'm "behind" the curve on that (though I prefer to do things at my own pace. I will forever be a "child," thank you. Fuck you and your stupid norms :-D) So in the last (yikes) month, I've been chatting with one person in particular, & it's really made me question myself yet again. I don't know the rules of how this works, but what I've been doing so far seems to be ok (until he asked a really stupid question). But just the fact that I brought that up makes me wonder. My own personal rules, as compared to others' rules - what's the point? Where did these rules even come from? It seems like it's all about how we look to everyone else - the appearance of not seeming too desperate, too slutty, too... The list goes on forever.

And then there's Social Theory - the class that makes me realize just how much of a stuck up upper middle class bitch I really am. And that is where I will always be, because it is the lifestyle I am accustomed to, the life I've been prepared to lead. How has that played a role in my own dating behaviors? I realize now that it's been a huge factor in everything I've ever done. I see the guys who are enrolled at a community college, and I cringe. My mother would have KILLED me had I not gotten into a "decent" school - I wasn't allowed to not go to college either. I would never get a good job otherwise (her words, not mine. I don't want a career. I would be great at it, I'm sure, but miserable.) Community college has such a negative stigma, yet many of my friends went to one after high school. Why does my father's salary (which is really what it was) control who I befriend and who I later choose to marry? We like who we're used to. I grew up with the upper middle class, therefore I've been taught that it's where I belong... What sense does that make???

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