Friday, June 26, 2009

"I Love You..." 2!

(Forgive the lame pun, it was not intended... or was it?)

So as I said before, I want to continue the previous topic... I guess my new job has made me a little more impulsive than usual, but a few weeks ago I decided to join a new website... Tickle is gone, and this site has really interesting quizzes (and the only way to save your answers, is, duh, to sign up for the site!) I kind of forgot that the site is also [cough & blush] a dating site... Needless to say, I freaked out for the first few hours, but made sure to list that I was just there for the quizzes & maybe make a few new FRIENDS. It's been what, a few weeks tops, and I have at least 4 AIM screennames, 30 personal messages, a bunch of "winks," too many hits to keep track of, and apparently the site says that my quiz answers have "caused a commotion in the system" and I'm popular (though I'm sure that's just a marketing statement... ha! me, popular! & on a "dating site"...). Though (yay, ego boost!) 6 guys (most of them quite cute ^^") rated me as a 4 or 5 (out of 5) [pats self on back - good photography & random 3-am profile!] Enough about me though, back to the topic! (Oh, 1 more thing - enough of the 38-yr olds! EW! Old enough to be my father- I don't even want to think about that....)

So anyway, today I wanted to cover 3 topics - internet dating, v-cards, and fetishes. Yea, I know, HUGE jump from last week, but it's come up more than a few times in the past month, so... here we go!
So has anyone read the latest Cosmo??? The one with VIRGINS IN COSMO! on the cover? Guess which article I want to talk about... As I was reading through, I was kind of insulted by the way it was initially presented - in huge letters "VIRGINS IN COSMO! (We thought this day would never come!)" like it's something so rare (well, ok, it is. 20% of college graduates, by the stats listed in the article. But 20% is still a lot!) and mysterious.What's so horriffic about being a virgin at my age? Yes, it's rare nowadays, but what's so wrong about it that Cosmo has to pick on us? The first few paragraphs really made it seem like there's something wrong with it, like virgins shouldn't be reading Cosmo - until I continued reading. The article is an interesting read, and I'm actually glad they brought it up. In America, it really is rare to find virgins over the age of 19, even in many religious communities. Sex partners are so (well...) easily accessible, that anyone can get what they want. Abstaining is a choice, not an expectation or something to be frowned upon. (Yes, even "unattractive" people can "get laid," so quit your moping and find yourself some company if you want it!) For something still so taboo, sex has become such a major facet of our society- how we dress, how we interact, the foods we choose to eat, in our music/TV/books-- that sometimes we don't even notice it.

Most people are aware that, out of all of my female friends, I'm the last with a v-card and not likely to lose it anytime soon. Why? I'm not in the least bit religious, so scratch that out. I don't care either way about "waiting til marriage." I'm basically a (slightly more conservative) hippie - peace, free love, & all that jazz. And contrary to popular belief, I'm not a total prude (nor am I gay. Just putting that out there... since so many people, including my mother, seem to think otherwise -_-". Like I've said before, yuri just doesn't cut it for me.). So what sets me apart from everyone else?

I couldn't explain it at the time, but it really bothered me to be the last. I was worried that it would be like the dating conversations, where I would just be insanely annoyed, left out, or pressured to do the same. I wasn't planning on joining them any time soon, and I'm not really one to give into peer pressure. I figured I would simply be left out of conversations and activities - again. When talking with a liberal guy friend, I realized that I was just worried about what they would think about me. It was like high school all over again for me- I hadn't dealt with how I felt about it then, so I didn't know how to deal with it now (damn you psychology...).

Sometime a while back, two of my guy friends and I were talking about all of this. I consider them both to be really close friends, and we talk about a lot of things, so it wasn't too awkward to discuss this for once. One is really conservative, but I know that he's dated a few girls before. The other is pretty liberal, but also a v-card holder. When talking to the guys, I wasn't all too surprised to hear that they both had similar but completely opposite answers. Liberal guy is looking forward to it, conservative guy doesn't care either way. But overall, we kind of feel the same way. Like most of the girls interviewed in the Cosmo article, we're waiting for someone we think is worth it. I don't think it's all that special of an experience, but I would still rather experience it with someone I like and trust than some random, dirty guy I'll never talk to again. (Sorry, Virgo = germaphobe... Other people are dirty... Blech...) I don't want to regret it, or "get it over with," or whatever. It doesn't matter enough to me to have to think of it in that way, nor do I feel like it's something I "need to have" to be happy. I have more self-control than that-- though this is why I was so bothered to hear about everyone else. We were raised in similar circumstances, for the most part, and it's not like I've never been in a situation that would've lead to... [coughs - though I guess technically ANY situation can lead to sex... but again, self-control!] If I have self control, does that mean they don't? I don't know how to answer that...

Most people are surprised to learn that, although I'm a virgin, I'm into light BDSM (Wikipedia!) and will freely admit to that (LOL... Yes, virgins can have fetishes too! We may not always know for sure until we try it out, but I t believe it's important to have an opinion of such things BEFORE you get into those situations. I think the idea of it just sounds amusing... I must've been kidnapped as a child, haha. Damn you, Freud.) So what about other fetishes? What comes to mind when you hear the word? Chains? Schoolgirls? Defecation? Yea, not a big fan of that last one... But if someone suggested it to you, does that really make them a freak? In the psych world, many fetishes (or paraphilia, as they are known in the DSM), are considered to be serious disorders, requiring treatment (and let's just say you don't want to know what kind of treatment. Guys, please go cringe in a corner so the girls can talk... Believe me, you'll be grateful.) Then again, half the "disorders" in the DSM were made up by a bunch of old guys who tortured children and monkeys for a living, or were seriously fucked up in the head and thought everyone was like that. What was I talking about again?

Oh, right. It's interesting that these are considered to be "perversions," still considered immoral even in today's (more) liberal society. See the problem with that statement, though? "Immoral" - yes, many people are religious, but who the fuck gave them the right to judge others? If you're religious, you'd know that God/Allah/whomever-you-believe-in is the only one with that power.

Many types of fetish play sites and pornographies have been banned or discounted because they are thought to "normalize violence," especially against women. First of all, violence, unfortunately, is normal for most of us. Yes, some people are stupid enough to imitate what they see on TV. But here's the thing - serial killers and rapists aren't doing it for the sex. It's power and control that they seek. Stupid people who do it generally have some sort of mental issue to begin with. And it's possible that those who seek out violent porn have issues to begin with. Or not. Either way, limiting access to it and calling fetishists "perverts" isn't going to solve anything. Some people will get their fix any way they can, and if doing it in real life is what it takes, then... bring on the internet porn.

Anyway, whether you're into fetishes or not, at least respect others' interests. So your new guy is into furries. (Good luck with that!) Well, you'll never know until you try, right? As long as it's consentual (including rape-play! Even though that kind of defeats the purpose, lol...) then as far as I care, anything goes.

Ok, so I'm all over the place right now. I've been trapped in the world of Wikipedia for I don't even know how long, but I found something very interesting for my next post... I'm sure you'll find it amusing!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Confession Time - Gomen Nasai!

Confession time. Since honesty is something EXTREMELY important to me, I think it's time I cleared up a few things... I doubt this will make me or any of you feel any better (if anything, it'll just make me more anxious than usual-- which seems impossible, but who knows...) but I figured I should... (I wish I could say I'm wasted out of my mind, but we all know that would be a lie... So... Let's go with it anyway before I change my mind...)

So, sorry for another personal post... The next will be real, I swear.


@MN23 - I lied. For years... It's nothing major I suppose... I told you someday I would tell you what I lied about, so here it is. I realized (a few weeks ago! randomly...) that you thought he liked me but that I didn't like him back. I really thought you knew. I don't know if he knew (EVERYONE else knew... -_-" hence why I said I must've been a complete ditz... people who didn't know me knew... mostly his fault for things he did in class, I'm sure, but... gah...), but I really REALLY liked him back then... (It's kind of scary now that I think of it. Over the top, head-over-heels, ditzy... Kind of disgusting when I read my "diary", but it was a fun high while it lasted... like that glue that day at drama ^^") It's probably the one thing I regret most - not telling him, or anyone else for that matter- because I knew, for a while at least, it hurt him. That day at SF, I lied to you & Kerri in the bathroom too... & I was thinking of telling him that night, when we ran away, until... haha, I was so mad at you for that, back then... and for any other time you showed up or interfered... Every time I was about to say something, someone interrupted or the timing got all messed up... Plus, at one point (sometime around the summer after junior year... long story...) I didn't even know if he still liked me, plus I had no idea what I was doing & I was starting to get over it (especially once the little froshies got involved...) & ... (gah.. actually there's so much I've wanted to tell you, most not related to high school in particular, but here is definitely not the place...though apparently you knew certain things? Or I thought you knew... Though perhaps you know what I still don't...) Here we are today, huh... I just hate not knowing what would've happened if I hadn't listened to the "rules," or if I had the fucking guts to just say something... And I hate that people, including you, lied to me (lies of omission count too!). I was more upset about that than anything. Why can't I trust the only people I have left to trust? And why should everyone else get to break "the rules" when they're the ones enforcing them? Then I get pissed off because I feel so stupid for ever caring or thinking I... I dunno. I just wonder if I'll always be a stepping stone. (Or if I wasn't completely delusional back then... because that could mean I'm schizophrenic... and if I am, now is sooo the time to know...)

(Thank you, loving parents, for this wonderful inferiority complex, which would not be possible without your 21 years of negative comments and rejection... It's not my fault I exist, now is it. Sorry for the "analytical mind" that you hate so much.)

@EA - hm... I think there's a long list of things I'm sorry about, and I'm pretty sure you know them all. So, sorry in advance if I do any more stupid things...

@ _____ - I'm sorry I couldn't say it when you needed me to. I still do sometimes. I pushed you away so many times, even though I didn't want to. You were my first, but I don't want you to be my last, so... I'm really sorry... Now, I just want to forget you and move on.

@ Everyone else- Gomen nasai [bows]...

Forgive me, as I do you -

@MN23 - I can't say I'm completely over it. It really made me question your loyalty... that video especially. How much can I trust someone who will share my darkest secrets with anyone and everyone? (I never fully explained why I sent that email anyway... Let's just say it's something you don't want to know about, but should NEVER have been advertised, despite that one sentence...) Sometimes I wonder how and why things got this way, why we've even made it this far, despite all signs (a.k.a. EVERYONE) saying we should've ended it years ago. Just part of growing up, I guess. Either way, it's been16 years since we first met. I'm still trying, so I hope you are too. Here's to the years to come. Love you.

@EA - In the past few years, you've said some pretty mean things (and you know it! lol...) but that's just part of why I love you, nee-chan. Brutally honest (though sometimes you were wrong... just putting that out there lol...). Here's to 1 last, awesome semester (just a warning, I will be BAWLING in December. Be prepared...)

@ the many "men" in my life - So... Fine. We can't help who we fall in love with (though I still highly doubt any of you "love" the women you chose, especially not more than those you gave up), so for that, I will forgive you. However, you're still on my shitlist [raspberry].

To anyone else - the past is past, ok? Clean slates all around. (yes, I don't care that this is mid-year, what better time than the present...)

Anyway, as promised, next post - sex & fetishes, internet dating, & that damn Cosmo article!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

I hate Youtube (for reasons I don't see a need to explain) however, I came across these videos (while NOT on youtube.)... Check them out, they're pretty cool...

(Original Source)

"Erik, My Love!" - Souless $cam & My Summer Project

I've contemplated several billion times what I felt like talking about today. I originally had planned a continuation of the last topic, a dissection of what love is, plus a few comments about an article in the latest Cosmo. Maybe eventually I will get around to that, maybe not. I know I said that I didn't want to make this too personal, but I'm wondering now if I've already passed that stage... In terms of current events, nothing has happened that I've really found to be exceptionally interesting. So I guess it's time to introduce what was going to be my summer project, and a major point of this blog...

As some of you may know, I was looking for a job for this summer. I wasn't sure where to start, so I decided to post resumes on job sites like Monster and CareerBuilder. Throughout my search, I kept track of all companies that contacted me- real or not. Why? Well, think about it. So many people are looking for work right now, and it's hard to find a company that's hiring. People may be desperate for work, willing to take whatever they can get. What better time to take advantage of that than now? Since so much of job searching and applying has shifted to electronic media and the internet, it has opened up the perfect opportunites for scammers to swindle their way into our lives. I started this "project" about a month or so ago, and already I've received more fraudulent "job offers" than I can count! It's absolutely appalling. At the end of the summer, I will be posting a list of these companies, along with a detailed summary of the project, so that others can be aware of these b@$t@rd$.

Here are some examples of my replies to these companies (before I started ignoring the emails)
(Warning: I can be a bitch when I want to be... and no, I didn't really say that to her... in the final email ^^"):

Dear Ms. *********,

No. Thank you, but I must decline. I am well aware of your "company" and its reputation-- and the $500 "necessary" software. I'm sorry to hear that you are associated with such a company, because I would really like to think that you and your coworkers are nice people (though I've come to accept the fact that you're probably some old, wrinkly ihag intern desperate for money and willing to do anything short of prostitution- since you can't get that kind of work anyway- to pay the bills-- in which case I deeply sympathize [tear] and would like to let you know that I seriously could not care less about people like you, since you clearly have no soul). I must insist that you and your associates do not email me again. Any further emails will be blacklisted and deleted.

Also, since you have contacted me, I must tell you that I am currently writing an essay/article on job hunting in today's market, with a focus on internet scams and employment fraud. This essay is unlikely to be published anywhere except on my own personal blog, but I must inform you that I am including a list of all notorious or questionable "companies" that have personally contacted me during the course of my job search. Your company will appear on this list.
Please take note of the following [OMITTED, for length here, but same as below)


(Reply to an OBVIOUS scam - God, they didn't even try to hide it!)

Dearest Erik,
May I call you Erik? How about Love? Anyway, thanks for the prompt feedback. Your suggestion sounds amazing!...

Or, Not.
Pardon my prior sarcasm, but (in all seriousness) I wanted to thank you for participating in my independent research project. I did not expect to hear back from you.
Curiosity and boredom lead to interesting results. As I mentioned, I do a lot of online research, and (surprise!) never trust a psych major, because you never know what we're studying. In this case, I am researching online job applications and résumés, and focusing on the risk of scams and employment fraud. To do this, during my real summer job search, not only I am applying to ads that are obviously legitimate but also to ads that seem questionable, just to see what kind of response I receive. Over the next year or so, I will be compiling a list of all of the places that do not respond, give a scripted or standard response, or give me a questionable response, and of any relevant spam emails I receive, so that I may share such information with peers. Your reply is definately 'questionable.'

Please take note of the following:
- This personal project is independent of all associations.
- The results will NOT be formally published anywhere except on my private blog and in an article I am writing on internet scams, trust, and employment.
- All results are confidential (your name will not be mentioned), however I must flag your craigslist ad.
- Nor will there be legal action against any site (unless there is due cause-- i.e. identity theft or sharing/using my information).
- This project is not for profit or any benefit other than spreading social awareness and for personal use.
- This project will not directly affect the "businesses" in any way that they would not be otherwise subject to. (I am not the first, nor will I be the last, to make a list of potentially risky websites. I always do further research on all sites before posting them to the list to ensure that they are in fact "questionable." I do not wish to defame legitimate companies, only expose the false ones. Your reply has already been identified by others as a scam. Therefore, welcome to the list.)

I assure you this project will not affect your "business" in any way-- It only serves to help innocent people avoid being scammed in this time of economic crisis, and to provide resources for those who have fallen victim.

Again, thank you for your input.


As I wrote that at like 5 am, I'm surprised it's so coherent... Anyway, so there's your sneak peek into what I've been up to... I haven't replied to any other companies, and as I'm no longer actively searching for a job, it's all up to them now... I think I will still post on Cosmo/"Love" later, maybe tomorrow. I don't feel like myself right now (will explain that later, it's relevant...) Tonight, I think I'm just going to enjoy anime & my NEW CREDIT CARD!!! YAY!!! (It's my first, can you tell I'm excited?) WHOOO BIG LIMIT! (that i'm not going to EVER get even close to- not even 1/9 of it if I can help it!)

Sore Ja!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Mini-Post 2:Regarding Feedback

Ew, I used "parents" & "sex" in the same paragraph... Lovely little visual for you all! Excuse me while I gouge my eyes out...

Hey everyone! I'm glad to see/hear that so many are enjoying this so far! ^^" I really didn't expect that at all...

@Marve1gir1 - (Actually, I've also received feedback via phone, AIM, & Facebook...) & lol, none of the above.
(Though now I'm wondering where the hell some of those topics came from...I am so confused, lol... & wdum girls... What about "non-hetero" [Ultima-san, yea I totally couldn't wait to use that, lol...] guys! YAY YAOI!!! Yuri is no fun at all!)

I just want to remind everyone that this IS a public site, anything you say is visible to anyone and everyone, so be careful about what you want people to know. I don't censor. I will NEVER use names or publicly identifiable information, this is meant to be semi-anonymous fun (which is why the facebook links- from there to here- are public for 3 days only. After that, all links will be moved to a private page - "Kappa Delta Sigma" for those of you in it, or private myspace blog.)

As for the next "topic" - most likely will be posted Friday or Saturday night (days off... next week will be killer...) Ja, mata!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Mini-Post: Responses to Feedback

Yay! So far, feedback has been fairly awesome...

@TEA (o god, you need a new nickname here... bad YuGiOh reference, not that you would know what that means, lol... EA it is then.) - next one will (possibly) be shorter! Glad you found it amusing tho!

@Marve1gir1 - I don't actually talk about my dad at any point... Though I assume you're referring to a specific section - I wasn't thinking about him at all, just giving a general disclaimer. Parents are strictly forbidden in the blogging world as far as I'm concerned. Lol, & regarding the sex thing... uh... if the thought had actually crossed my mind at any point, it would be more like relieved than offended ^^" (love you, but not in that way... same to you EA!) so likewise, no offense... (And you beat me to my next mini topic I see...) & lol Nana 2 totally ruined Nana for me... the manga's ok though...

So anyway, as I said, next topic is... well, it's weird. Be prepared. Ja, mata ashita!