Monday, November 23, 2009

Rules of Attraction - Class Rules

So I'm not exactly thrilled that I'm turning this into a "relationships" blog, because there are so many of them & it's such a subjective experience, but... You do what you can. And I can't say that my class isn't contributing to this - apparently "dating & relationships" is the current stage of my life. It's like everything revolves around it, from my conversations with friends to my phone calls to my classes... Everything.

Anyway, I had a point to make before I started rambling. (What else is new?) I'm in the midst of doing a dating survey for class, and the answers I'm getting (you know, provided people ever get back to me lol...) are interesting so far. But the general consensus I'm getting from everyone & that I'm realizing myself - it's so complicated to even define. What does any of this even mean? Why do we do it? And these stupid rules we have - why do they exist? They just make things more complicated than they need to be. Here's where I come in - I'm the n00b when it comes to this. Yes, I did swear off men (even though somehow I still ended up falling in love and leaving heartbroken... Somewhere in that is a major fail. Where I don't know. Probably the letting myself be in love but unable to act on it... Yea, let's go with that.) and I'm realizing now that was probably a stupid move on my part because I'm "behind" the curve on that (though I prefer to do things at my own pace. I will forever be a "child," thank you. Fuck you and your stupid norms :-D) So in the last (yikes) month, I've been chatting with one person in particular, & it's really made me question myself yet again. I don't know the rules of how this works, but what I've been doing so far seems to be ok (until he asked a really stupid question). But just the fact that I brought that up makes me wonder. My own personal rules, as compared to others' rules - what's the point? Where did these rules even come from? It seems like it's all about how we look to everyone else - the appearance of not seeming too desperate, too slutty, too... The list goes on forever.

And then there's Social Theory - the class that makes me realize just how much of a stuck up upper middle class bitch I really am. And that is where I will always be, because it is the lifestyle I am accustomed to, the life I've been prepared to lead. How has that played a role in my own dating behaviors? I realize now that it's been a huge factor in everything I've ever done. I see the guys who are enrolled at a community college, and I cringe. My mother would have KILLED me had I not gotten into a "decent" school - I wasn't allowed to not go to college either. I would never get a good job otherwise (her words, not mine. I don't want a career. I would be great at it, I'm sure, but miserable.) Community college has such a negative stigma, yet many of my friends went to one after high school. Why does my father's salary (which is really what it was) control who I befriend and who I later choose to marry? We like who we're used to. I grew up with the upper middle class, therefore I've been taught that it's where I belong... What sense does that make???

Friday, November 20, 2009

I want a kid like this...

Will Phillips, I am sooo proud of you!!!

^^" Fight the mindless sheep! REAL Freedom for all!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2009


So anyone who knows me knows all too well how stubborn I can be, especially when it comes to fads and the latest trends. If I like it, it's all well and good, but if I don't... Expect all hell to break loose. I was into the eco-friendly thing long before the current Green Movement. It drives me insane (mostly because of all the lies... Stupid capitalism turned something good into a money-making scheme of lies... as always...) I was hacking and downloading on the internet before I even knew what it was (I was like 6 at the time. I just really wanted access to something and nothing was going to stop me. I'm still stubborn and impatient like that ^^") When Harry Potter came out, and the Dan Brown books, I had started them prior to the major social boom, so I ended up being a part of the fad. O well, they were seriously worth it. If I'm addicted to something the first time I see it, then whatever, I like what I like. But now... It's scary to see how mindless people become. I wonder, was I like that? Fads are terrifying. No one has a mind of their own anymore. No one has their own opinions, likes or dislikes - dislike and you're out of the club. And we all know how important it is to feel like you belong.... (Damn you, Maslow!!!)

I react in a very strange way to fads now. The psychological term is reactance - a strong emotional response in opposition to something perceived as a threat, to put it simply. (It's how reverse psychology works. I tell you not to do something, you want to do it more.) I see something that threatens my individuality or my right to an opinion, I hate it. If everyone else is doing it, I want to do it even less. I don't want to like it either. It's not even about not being like everyone else. Non-conformity is a painfully unavoidable type of conformity...

I'm just sick of it all. Youtube (I didn't have an account for like 2 years after it all started. I preferred Veoh. Still do for the most part - it has full length movies that I often can't find anywhere else...); Twitter (a stupid site for Twits as we say here at uni), vampires (seriously, one fucking shitty book and the whole world goes crazy. Harry Potter was an international phenomenon, but the rest of the world didn't feel the need to turn everything into magical series... Have we no individuality in this country???), I could go on forever... (And you all know well and good I could very well do so, LOL...). It's so annoying - like everyone's vocabularies shrinks to 4 or 5 words. There are so many other things in this world!!! Yes, I dare to say it - there's more to life than Twilight!!!

I hate fads for the same reason I was agnostic all through high school (& now an atheist) - I want to find the truth for myself, not because someone told me what & how to believe. So it is with a heavy heart and open mind that I will torture myself for 2 hours and watch the goddamn movie -_-"

...Maybe. Probably not though.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Random Musings...

Studying was going well until i got distracted by Wikipedia (what else is new...)

I'm kind of freaked out now... What if I wake up & this is all some big dream? a mixed guy for president (whoo! represent! :-D) who won the Nobel Peace Prize (for... something.... he doesn't even know, LOL...) & so on & so forth... This world just gets weirder every day... But I shudder to think that Bush is still president (not that I blame him entirely. I don't think anyone should - that's just stupid. That's not the way the government works either. Everyone around him already knew he wasn't that intelligent and he was stubborn as hell. C'mon - C students who joined frats for the parties & cheer-lead on the weekends don't become president and declare war on random countries on their own. He couldn't possibly have done all of this on his own. No human can, no matter how powerful they are. As evil as Hitler was, he didn't do it alone. One can't be a leader without followers...)

Moral of the story - don't mind me, I'm just coloring my toes with a Sharpie ^^"

Sunday, October 11, 2009

SMS to RTF in 5 steps... Wow.

Just a hint - this program is amazing. ^^"

I just transferred an ENTIRE text conversation in 3 clicks... I am in love.
And to make this even geekier, I used cmd to create a batch file & shortcut (seriously, easiest thing in the world. Can't believe I was about to make a complete .exe... baka...) - I can run it all with 1 click on my desktop!

Tuesday, October 6, 2009


I am about to prove my ultimate geekiness. In the next few weeks, I will be sending out a survey - I'm doing a study on friendship & such... I can't say much more than that, but if you're reading this, I hope you'll participate. It's completely anonymous & probably a little less than totally scientific ^^"...

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


Somehow I ended up here, in the midst of completing my Social Theory Paper - yet all I can think about are the Twits (a new "pet name" for Twitter users... seriously, why???) and how communication in America has fallen to a new low... I was IMing with a guy from that site I'm on... We were just talking about who-knows-what, when he brings up meeting IRL (they all do... I wasn't too surprised about that...) It got me thinking -the idea of intentionally meeting someone who is (essentially) a complete stranger- or are they? How well can you know someone you meet online? Is the internet just a way to schedule a future liaison? Do we truly communicate over the internet? I took a Sociology of Cyberspace class my freshman year of college. I should know better than to question these things now... Yes, we can communicate quite well over the internet... At least, we used to. While browsing through the site, I noticed several patterns. I would get annoyed if a person did not post a picture, or only had 1 not-so-great one. I rely so heavily on body language, that I simply could not get a feel for their personality without a picture. How are they standing, what are they wearing, how are they wearing it, where are they looking, what are they doing, who are they with-- Words can't be trusted alone. Even in the age of webcams - who are you when the camera's on, when it's your face on the screen? Who are you when you're alone? Is this the same person you present to the world?

If I met you in person, would I stop to say hi, or just pass you by? Would our conversation really begin with "hi, how are you today?" If I converse with you online, for months, would I ever really know the real you? I used to think it was possible. Now, I'm not so sure.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

I wonder if this blog simply makes me sound arrogant...

Happy 21.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

The Single Greatest Invention of the 21st Century

This has to be the single greatest invention of the 21st century. (Seriously, it puts everything we've done so far to shame- literally.)

The Slingshot

Need I say more? No, but you know I will anyway. Just a little. While here in the U.S. our biggest dilemma is generally "bottled or tap?," there are countries where clean, drinkable water is a scarce commodity. WHO and the UN estimate there to be 1.1 billion people in the world without access to safe drinking water.

Each year, 1.62 million children under 5 die from diarrhea caused by unsafe water*; 1.17 million children under 5 die from malaria.
2/3 of these children are in Asia.

And just how many children in the U.S. die from diarrhea? Googled it, since no one really seems to know-- because it's practically unheard of. Let me put it this way: I found the stats on some random medical website; they were "Not Applicable." The most recent one they had for the U.S. was 3,100 people in 1985**. And WHOSIS (WHO Statistical Information System) doesn't even have an option for it in the U.S.

Help contribute to sustainable water projects! Support WaterPartnersInternational and World Water Day 2010! Also, WHOSIS is interesting to mess around with. Take a look for yourself.

P.S. - Tap water in America is generally better than bottled water- it must pass higher standards. Buy a filter and a reusable bottle. It's considerably cheaper in the long run.

* WHO Facts and Figures Updated November 2004 - These figures above were figured out by me! (It's basic math. 90% of total. Just letting you know.)
** Wrong Diagnosis. Best I could find - and that's really saying something... There were a few journal articles, but they stop at 1987.

Friday, September 11, 2009


Those "Things to Ponder" on the side of this blog have thoroughly distracted me from whatever I was about to say...

Other things going through my mind:
Why are all of my favorite songs so sneakily religious? How can an atheist love so much Christian rock? (Is it because I was brainwashed in catholic school??? Is my subconscious still deluded??? I want to think for myself!!!)

Why are the Roanoke settlers still considered missing if someone found their boats on another island and noticed that the Native American population on that island looked oddly European?
(Am I the only one noticing the patterns there?)

Is there anything more insulting to a senior in college than making them take science and math classes a 3rd grader would ace??? (Seriously, I think I lose brain cells every time I attend. I haven't been there since. Maybe I'll show up for the test.)

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

(not the same article I originally read, but the same exact story)

Ok, for the first time in a while, I really don't know how I feel about this. Well, that's not entirely true. I'm horrified, disgusted, and appalled. Either way, the article did its job. I am very uncomfortable right now, and I didn't even get past the first minute of the video.

Even "cage-free" and organic eggs contribute to this massacre- possibly even small, private farms as well. I've been leaning towards going vegan, but this article (& the subsequent research, with more reliable sources...) is definitely a good push. Do what you want, but I'm grossed out (again!). So for anyone else interested in making a few changes in their life, some helpful tips for cooking:

Egg-Free Baking Tips
- Vinegar and Baking Soda: For a rising or lightening effect in cakes, cupcakes and breads, combine 1 teaspoon of baking soda with 1 tablespoon of vinegar.

- Ground Flaxseed: Rich in essential omega-3 fatty acids, 1 tablespoon of ground flaxseed whisked with 3 tablespoons of water in a blender or food processor will replace one egg. Flaxseed works best in nutty, grainy items like pancakes, waffles, bran muffins and oatmeal cookies.

- Bananas: For its binding abilities, half of a potassium and magnesium rich mashed or pureed banana will generally replace one or two eggs in breads, muffins, cakes and pancakes.

- Applesauce: Full of fiber and vitamin C, unsweetened applesauce offers the binding and moisture needed in baked goods. 1/4 cup equals one egg. Applesauce works best when you want the results to be moist, as in brownies.

- Silken Tofu: Rich in protein and fiber, but without the cholesterol and little, if any, saturated fat, this soy-based ingredient works best in dense, moist cakes and brownies. One egg can be replaced with 1/4 cup of tofu whipped in a blender or food processor.

- ENER-G Egg Replacer: Available in a handy box in most food stores, this nonperishable powdered product works well in baking, but is best in cookies.

Adapted by Rhode Island Vegan Awareness from The Joy of Vegan Baking: The Compassionate Cooks’ Traditional Treats and Sinful Sweets, by Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, 2007.


Sunday, September 6, 2009

Finally, The Bill Itself

Ok, to put all of this healthcare stuff in perspective - I finally found a proper copy of one of the bills (HR 3200. So hard to find amongst the news articles and conservative "no way!" bullshit...) so I will be posting a link to the pdf copy here, as well as a general summary/comments for those who actually wish to understand what it says (though so far, it's pretty straightforward). Summary will be as impartial as I can get it, but of course, my comments are my own. Also, I just want to point out that I am neither a Republican or a Democrat. I am independent - people and actual situations matter more than outdated, irrelevant political ideologies. So yes, I will be pointing out the good AND the bad. It's a 1017 page bill, so this may take a while...

Seriously, I kind of liked McCain-- until he picked a VP that even a brain-dead, female-chauvinist monkey wouldn't hire. (You know he only chose her because she's a woman, right? A very stupid one, at that... Makes us all look stupid... ugh...) I just know better than to use my religion (or lack thereof) as an excuse to make decisions for other people's lives. They have a right to believe whatever they want too, you know...

Monday, August 31, 2009

Rebuttal- Health Care

Ok, in response to the comment on my healthcare post - (Can you tell it's been awhile since I've had a good debate? K, "serious, bossy know-it-all face" is on... hehehe...)

Also, may I stress that I'm not talking specifically about Obama's plan (which I still need to reread a few times, since it's written in governmentese), but the general idea of a UHC system (which, yes, is likely to suck under American government control, because our government fucks up everything it touches; However, it's better to at least attempt change for the better than to leave things as they are.)

This is meant to be reform, not replacement. My little plan in particular does not replace current private insurance companies/policies but expands the national ones. Obama's proposed plan (what I've read and understood so far) was pretty much the same. It was also (as far as I recall) completely optional- you can choose the new plan or stick with your own private (or supplemental) insurance company. The point is to expand services to citizens who can not afford them on their own. (Besides, my dad works for a healthcare company... They're reducing their corruption, but that doesn't mean they're still not overcharging and bribing their way around the world. I've said it before - whether or not we get a UHC system in this country, something has to change... What this type plan means exactly for the workers, I'm honestly not all that sure, but then again, this is all still a work-in-progress and it's a team effort.)

Everything anyone has ever heard about only being limited to certain doctors and no options - of course possible, but not necessarily true. In Canada, they do often have problems with this, but you also have to consider other factors- shortage of practitioners and equipment, and reluctance of practitioners to accept the insurance program, for example. These are other issues that must be addressed, especially regarding malpractice insurance and salaries. In the majority of countries with UHC (see Europe), citizens can see any doctor they want to (also shown in Sicko). Unless the plan is mandatory (and the odds of that passing are probably close to zip), there will always be options. *Also, in Australia, we discussed this in a few of my classes. Not one single person said they were (or knew anyone who was) limited to certain doctors because of UHC.)

I did some research regarding Hawaii. Hawaii is just one state, and it certainly does not have the same level of funding or resources as an entire country. This kind of plan requires time, a much larger budget, and more equipment than what one state can provide. This has to be a gradual process - it's not something that we can set up overnight and expect to be perfect in the morning. Instant is bad. Also, it isn't meant to be a complete charity, either. We're still putting something in. Fundamentally, UHC is reform, not replacement, that should be prepared to cover basic care for the majority (whether or not it needs to). Medicaid & Medicare programs leave too many stuck in the middle - those who earn too much for the government programs but too little for private insurance- primarily the lower middle class and lower classes who are still living above the poverty line.

How do those countries suck? (What news were you watching, too?) The media is always biased. This blog is obviously biased against the biased media. [See side panel]. Fox new is biased [EXTREMELY conservative], MSNBC & ABC are biased [EXTREMELY liberal]. If I watch the news, it's CNN or CSPAN. Sometimes leans, but is generally bland as hell, which is how news should be. Regardless of source, it's still a good idea to be a skeptical about what one hears without doing research...)

I'm sorry, but I really must quote Karl Rove (I know, I know, hold your nausea) on this one "If Democrats enact a public-option health-insurance program, America is on the way to becoming a European-style welfare state." Ok, what the fuck is everyone's problem with Europe? Statistically speaking, the standard of life is significantly better there than here (I have WHO stats in front of me, as well as world rankings for quality of life.) Our overall health is lower, our literacy is lower, we have more waste and pollution than most industrialized countries (and we're not doing all that much about it either, compared to them). The Scandinavian countries are well known for their quality of life - they are supposed to be the best in terms of equality, health, and politics, especially for women. And the UN rated Iceland, Norway, and Australia to be the top 3 countries in the world (2005)- ALL have UHC systems that work. The idea of UHC is absolutely viable and has been proven to work. The American plan of course will need tweaking to fit our economy and society-- but it can work.

(& birth control really isn't that bad... everyone I know who is on it, who had similar symptoms to you- they love it... some companies even make special pills just for really bad symptoms... hell, you could probably have a special combo created just for you... the only other treatments shown to be relatively effective are acupuncture; TENS - which I personally think is a horrific idea - and [the collective] all of the things you already do... a hysterectomy might not actually fix everything, as technically the hormones/whatever else may still be around to do who knows what, plus the regular surgery does not generally include the ovaries, so... again, without knowing exactly where the issue lies, it's possible that wouldn't completely fix the problem... plus a whole bunch of other things I know you wouldn't want to experience... you'd get to deal with the joys of menopause... that can't be fun...)

IQ and Standardized Testing - GREs...

So I totally feel like an idiot right now - I just took an IQ test (after spending I don't even know how many hours randomly browsing Wikipedia for the hell of it... I don't know why I'm still awake. My mind just jumps from one topic to another, & the site really just... Well, it doesn't help!) and somehow I got a score of 156. While previous tests ("legit," as in "official"...) confirm the same thing (well, a few points higher... solid 160 at one point...), I do not for a second believe this to be my true intelligence. 130 is the minimum cutoff for "superior intelligence" or the "genius" level as we used to call it. I am not a genius - I won't pretend to be one for a second. I've always been in the "well above average" range, in the honors programs, and I can't deny that-- but genius? Absolutely not. No fucking way. It's simply not possible. (-_-" Though an Occupational IQ Scale says that I fall into the range of Research Scientist... That is what I've been trained to be, and where I'm "supposed" to go, so I guess it's not that far off... ugh...) My PSAT and SAT scores were high, but not that high. I completely bombed the first (and only) GRE practice test I ever took. I am a disaster when it comes to standardized testing - I don't fit into their little box, and I never have.

As hard as they've tried, standardized tests will ALWAYS be biased. Take the GRE verbal section for example. Truck is to tunnel as boat is to:
a) river
b) bridge
c) bathtub
d) ocean

Now is it just me, or does that not make any damn sense whatsoever? The "trick" to analogies is making a sentence for them - "A truck travels through the tunnel... So a boat travels through..." Technically speaking, you can make up a fucking relationship between boat and any of those words... It's completely relative! Of course, there's supposed to be a right answer there (& since I don't remember what 4 options there really were to begin with... I think maybe canal was there instead of bridge, & I think boat may have actually been apple, but I'm probably making that up just so it all makes sense... Either way, it's beside the point...) but the only people who are aware of that "right answer" are the people who made up the stupid question in the first place. And if you don't know what any of those words mean - you're royally screwed- and believe me, those words are impossible-- even for me, the self-proclaimed Linguist and Grammar Fanatic who spent a lot of her childhood memorizing the dictionary because she ran out of books to read (yes, seriously... I'm a speed reader, & I literally couldn't sleep unless I read something, and Merriam Webster was the only thing I hadn't finished...)

I took one look at the practice book & started bawling. Yes, it's that scary. And for what? A number that determines how the rest of my life will go. A number that either says I'm not smart enough for a better life - that I'm only allowed my little bachelor's degree and a lower salary than someone who could afford a private tutor; Or that says I am smart enough to go to graduate school - that I know enough million-dollar words that I will NEVER use, that I remember math formulas I learned in 7th grade and never used again, that I am knowledgeable about the 2 month existence of the South Venezuelan 4th Parliamentary Hiatus (I'm making this up, but the essay question was really somewhere along these lines...)--!! It's simply ridiculous to expect everyone to be the same. We're not all the same, and we shouldn't have to be! We go to different colleges for a reason - generally they play to our strengths. We choose different programs for a reason. I'm a psych major. I have to be good with statistics, sociology, and basic bio & chem, but I don't have to know much of calculus anymore. So why is it on the GRE (& no calculator!!!)??? Even your personal statement, the 1 item that is supposed to tell grad schools who you are and explain your life's purpose (well ok, in the form of your career goals...), is basically scripted.

Your entire life, from birth til death, must follow a basic pattern. Your intelligence, or at least the "basic," useless knowledge you attain, must follow a pattern. You are expected to be just as efficient, exactly the same, as everyone else your age - even though you are different, your experiences are different, your life is different.

"Is this the life that you lead?
Or the life that's led for you?
Will you take the road that's been laid out before you?" ("Paper Wings," Rise Against)

Or will you make your own? Go read some Robert Frost... Be different, and love it. You only have 1 chance at this life, so make it count.

(I'll get around to replies to HC post later this week- there's an article I want to find.)

Monday, August 24, 2009

Privacy Please...

It's scary how easily that which empowers us imprisons us as well... What a scary world indeed... What Google Knows About You.

I think we all have good reason to be afraid of Big Brother... well, ok, maybe not quite afraid, but seriously pissed off. My private life has never been private, OL & IRL. From the moment someone finds out you exist, someone is studying you and keeping records. The day you join the rest of the world, the first time you walk, your first words, your first day at school, your first kiss... Somebody knows where you've been, what you've done. And you can never escape that. You think you're alone, but they're just watching over your shoulder... It's no wonder everyone I know has become more paranoid... We joke about the FBI reading our IMs - we throw in random words, to "attract their attention" & then start rambling about random things, just to confuse them... We joke, but we know that it's a real possibility.

Might I recommend to you an incredible story that has inspired me to buy an XBox just for the sake of hacking it? (Well, ok, it's inspired me to do other things as well... but I plan to do that soon too...) Cory Doctorow's Little Brother. (It's like a modern version of 1984, a book that you MUST read at some point in your life - it's that good.) I got the free e-book (which comes in like 500 different formats, & you can upload your own version), but you can also buy a hard copy on Amazon or ebay, & the audiobook on the "official" site. Share it with the world (wooo DRM-free! Creative Commons License!!!)

Sunday, August 23, 2009

"If you can't say something nice..." --Say Whatever the Fuck You Want To.

Just Don't trust ____ to Protect Your Ass.

Again!! On this very site! (sorry this is a little old, I saved but didn't post...)

"Outed Blogger Who Trashed Model is Angry at Google"

Seriously, is there anyone who believes in freedom of speech anymore? Come on, really... Court order or not, bad move, Google. In another article: "Model Liskula Cohen's lawyer says she does not deserve to be called a 'skank' or a 'ho' in anyone's anonymous blog." Ok, here's what's wrong with that statement: true, it sucks to be called names like that in public, regardless of how true it may be; it's possible that it is true and therefore does not constitute defamation/libel; and 3, does that mean if the blog wasn't anonymous it would be ok?

Update - they used to be friends!

"Defamatory" = "I was offended. My ex-friend talked about me behind my back." Sorry, but get over it. No need to be a bitch over something so lame. So a sincere thanks, from all bloggers, Face/Spacers, & anyone else who's ever said anything about anybody, for dropping the lawsuit-- that never should have existed.

Rosemary - damn... As I said in a previous post, while I may not agree with what you said (nor care, honestly) I will defend your right to say it - and Google should have, too! For new bloggers, here are links to this website's relevant privacy and defamation policies. Google, come on. We don't share your names and addresses with the world. This site is as personal as WE make it - if we want our real names out there, we'll put them there ourselves, thank you.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Healthcare - Part 2

So what's my point? Why should we too have a socialized health care system? Because the proposed plan will help us in the following ways:
- An electronic database will allow all practitioners to maintain more accurate files - which ensures better safety for you! Doctors will be less likely to miss important information, and can update your medical records instantly- allowing for better communication between practitioners as well insurance companies (which may or may not be eliminated all-together.)
- A wider range of coverage.
- More affordable prescriptions.
- Prevention programs so we can AVOID problems before they start!
- Lower patient costs
- More research, less waste.

Opposition to this plan seems rather weak to me. For example, some worry that electronic records mean the government will be spying on our every move, that it means less privacy and less security (black hat--"bad" hackers - but really - "Oh no! Now he knows I liked about my broken leg!" Hi, my name is Encryption. Use me. Have a nice day.). Believe me, I hate the idea of Big Brother as much as the next person. That Patriot Act bullshit was the worst thing I've ever heard. But electronic records are a considerably better option, especially considering that the alternative (that was and I believe still is being discussed) could be implanted microchips - you know, the same ones people have been putting in their dogs to track them? There are some seriously considering putting the RFIDS in children! Your credit cards and passports already have RFIDS, so why not your children too? Imagine, every fucking aspect of your life tracked by government satellites! Now doesn't that database sound just a little bit better? Just think of it as an online bank account. No matter where you go, all of your information is a few clicks and a password away. Switching doctors? No problem at all. The only real concern I have with this system is the supermarket card- if they should connect the systems. Over the past few years there has also been talk of insurance companies monitoring the food we buy in order to decide who to insure. As if there weren't enough reasons to be paranoid in this country, now even buying a box of Cap'n Crunch every once in a while can have disastrous effects on our life. Yay. Go America. It's not the fault of the poor that all of the food they can afford is full of sugar and fat and preservatives - we all do the best we can with what we can. I shop at Whole Foods (although they're really no better than Pathmark or Acme... they just have a wider variety of "natural" foods than most stores) when I can afford to, buy organic when I can. But yes, on a Friday night, don't be surprised if I'm sitting at home in front of the TV with a 99 cent bag of potato chips and a $3 frozen pizza. But really, I digress.

For more information, do some research, or leave a comment requesting my sources. I did an extensive (read "graduate level") research project on this, so I have plenty of data, including a comprehensive Powerpoint overview. My project presents a reformed healthcare system, based on the Obama health-care plan and the systems of 5-10 other countries (I don't remember how many actually made it into the Powerpoint itself...), and also includes various aspects not addressed by Obama or other American socialist groups, as well as amendments and areas for improvement. I also outline a full budget for the plan that takes into consideration current spending and taxation - and guess what else? My plan requires NO TAX HIKE. IT CAN BE DONE!!! (I'm not an expert, apparently just an overly pretentious college student, but once you see my plan and my sources, you'll understand that it really is a plausible and feasible plan.) Also, Michael Moore's fim Sicko (while all too clearly biased) is a good starting point for anyone completely unfamiliar with the issues presented here.

A personal note: My mother was uninsured for quite some time over the last few years. She finally found a plan (with a VERY well known company) that she could afford. Last summer, my mother had to have surgery to fix torn cartilage in her knee. She had only had her new insurance plan for a few weeks, but the company assured her that the surgery was completely covered and that everything, including post-surgical rehab would be taken care of - so she went through with it. A few weeks later, a bill arrived for over $20,000 - the insurance company had decided AFTER the surgery that it was a pre-existing condition and would not be covered. Now my mother is again without insurance and owes $20,000 for a minor surgery. What a wonderful world we live in. A reminder - this affects us ALL.

And really, wouldn't you want your tax dollars spent on something useful for a change???

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

"But Mom, All the Cool Countries Are Doing It.!!!" Part 1

Ok, so with all the hubbub over Obama's healthcare plan, I figured now is as good a time as any to discuss it. Regardless of how you feel about a universal health care system, you cannot deny that our system needs reform. Yes, I am a socialist through and through. I fully support a universal health care (See Wikipedia for basics) system. However, I still don't think the U.S. is ready for one yet. (This government is far too incompetent, as we saw with our last [cough] leader. He tried. Failed horribly-- but that's what we get for putting a frat boy on top and giving him the most idiotic groupies we could find to decide what he should do.)

Everyone is entitled to the same healthcare. Should a rich frat boy who partied his liver into hell be more entitled to a liver transplant than a poor little girl born with a genetic disorder, simply because he can pay for it? It is not her fault she was born into poverty, nor his that he was born into wealth. However, there is all too obviously an unequal distribution of wealth - so why shouldn't our government be responsible? You know that little word in the Constitution? The one that comes after "promote the general"? You know - "welfare"? The one that refers to the general well-being of all Americans-- regardless of creed, status, "race,", etc-- and is part of the basis of our entire government system? Yea, that one. Guess what? Being healthy is a welfare concern!I am not denying that there are problems with such a system - especially in a capitalist nation. However, it has been done, it can be done, and it can work.

Let's take a look at the facts, shall we?
- In ALL industrialized countries except for the US-- ALL of the best healthcare systems in the world (see Denmark, Sweden, hell even China.) are universal systems. And guess what? THEY WORK! [gasp!] China has the largest population in the world, yet they strive to provide health care to every single citizen and make the best use out of what they have. Why don't we?
- Medicare & Medicaid suck. (This includes the CHIP program, They cover a small percentage from a large population, and barely cover any procedures or medications (The prescription plan is VERY limited.)
- Insurance companies really only want healthy people - it's how they make their money! (Just like how banks want us in debt, these companies feed off of the money we put in, while minimizing the money they put out.) The same goes for hospitals - sick and dying people are a liability.
- Over 3 million Americans are currently without health insurance (and I will soon be among those numbers.) A vast majority of college graduates are without insurance.
- Many health issues Americans face (including obesity, heart disease, and certain cancers) can be avoided or at least reduced through prevention programs.
- Most insurance companies do not cover mental illness - which can be just as serious as physical illness, and can sometimes be treated with medical procedures.
- Lack of insurance costs the American people and the healthcare system much more than if those people were insured.

I truly believe that the system has lost sight of its priorities. Since when has healthcare been about the money? I really was under the impression that it was about caring for and treating those with physical and mental ailments, not about making $4 million a year so you can afford your 4th summer home in Greece. When the sick and dying are left in the middle of nowhere because hospitals decided a taxi to hell was cheaper than treating an uninsured person-- we have a problem. When the poor die from simple infections because they can't even afford to buy a few doses of penicillin - we have a problem. We as a people have a problem. This (for once) is not about "survival of the fittest" (being poor doesn't have a damn thing to do with genes, and even evolution can't save us from all sickness. In fact, it's what keeps us sick - mutation of bacteria into resistant super-bugs.) or charity work - it's about taking care of our own!

(Stay tuned for a continuation in Part 2.)

Monday, August 10, 2009


I can't get over my new laptop ^^"... I seriously love (most of) it. It's an HP G60-441... 16 inches is a little bigger than I initially wanted, with a little less RAM, but it's widescreen, which really helps when editing videos. Plus it has a built-in webcam with pretty cool software. I'm even kind of liking Vista, now that I've gotten a chance to really get into it. (I've had this laptop for less than 4 hours, mind you.) Without those irritating popups, it's actually fairly decent... I'm kind of shocked. I've only had 1 software error, and it's pretty stable so I can tell where the problem is occurring... So at the moment, I'm blogging on one laptop, downloading on the other, & surfing on both (trying to update the new with my fave add-ons from the old.)

I have a few posts ready to go, so expect updates all week! (Haha, I think I'm talking to myself at this point... Oh well [shrugs])

I'm (almost) 21, I'm a modern liberal hippie, & I'm STILL a PC (and no one even paid me to say it!!!) LOL, ja mata ne!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it!"

Ok, so for a million and one reasons I hate Twitter (a site dedicated to the status update? Seriously??? How lame can you get?), but I'm becoming very concerned about all of these lawsuits. Who do these people think they are??? Apparently the other day some NFL player was sued for complaining about bad food. ?! If he wants to complain about something, let him. He's allowed to say whatever he wants - or does that whole "freedom of speech" thing not apply anymore?

Can it really be legal for a company to control employees' expressions of opinion when that control directly infringes upon constitutional rights? Yes, that employee is a also representative of that company, however above that, they are an American citizen. Last I checked, in this country, constitutional rights endorsed by the federal government kind of take precedence over your boss's hatred of Face/Space (old slang for Facebook and Myspace, for those of you over 30). And what about privacy??? Since when is it anyone else's fucking business???

Regardless of who it offends, I will say what I want, when I want to. Being "polite" and civil is MY choice, no one else's. So don't you ever forget that. Language is, at it's core, merely sounds and symbols we use to communicate. Sounds are simply the results of moving air. And really - how can you command the wind?

(Quote - Voltaire.)

Friday, July 31, 2009

Random - Secrets

Ever feel so stupid about something you can never change? [Sigh] Random flashback moment... A depressing play + Skittles + "Lemon!" + "Strawberry first. I'll wait for you to love me... (before the lemon...)" = very unhappy me right now... (and potentially delusional- however I found extensive evidence that I'm not; I've just been lied to, either then or now... Either way, I feel pretty stupid...)

Sometimes the only way to defeat your enemies is to get all secrets out in the open - they have nothing more to use against you, and you also leave them completely vulnerable to attack. (Word of warning - you don't want to get on my bad side. I can hold a grudge when appropriate, and I don't "play nice.") And if you haven't guessed, I'm a big fan of the Gossip Girl TV series (surprise surprise... but Ed Westwick is too cute!!!) I'm not sure what secrets I have that could be of any interest to anyone, but for the entire month of August, I'll answer any question... It's something I used to do for someone... Every month, he could ask me any 3 questions he wanted, and I had to answer honestly... Haha, he just never asked the right question though... ("I'm sorry. My responses are limited. You must ask the right questions..." Sorry, that just popped into my head...)

I should really be sleeping now...

Friday, July 24, 2009

HAHA!!! Check this out - Apple Asked Microsoft to End 'Laptop Hunter' Ads?

Apparently someone's still good at marketing... (but come on, they're so right. I wanted a Mac until I saw the price... and complete lack of useful features ^^" Sorry, but they seriously suck in terms of hardware... weak... I'd break it in a week tops... This Dell, however, although in pieces on the outside, actually still works incredibly well for being dropped 300+ times ^"...)

Apple Asked Microsoft to End 'Laptop Hunter' Ads?

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Thursday, July 23, 2009

"Stupid People Are Social Problems" (Darwin Help Us...)

I can't sleep, so I thought I might update this (for once...) There's so much annoying me right now... With school coming up, and the tuition and loan bills coming in... I never thought I would be the type to constantly worry about money. I never used to. Now, even when I have it, I'm panicking that I don't have enough. I've been sucked in to this horrific world of money... this stupid capitalistic society... Thank you, college. Really.
For some reason or another, I don't think either of my parents can get any more loans (which is a BIG problem, because my sister is about to start college next year!) and I can't get a decent one without a cosigner, since I have no credit (well, maybe now I do, but it's not good... not yet) nor do I even remember how many loans I currently have... (it's a lot...) Financially, things are not at all well at home. It's times like this that I wonder just how exactly anyone would go about trying to "fix" this damn economy. I HATE capitalism with a passion, for just this reason - we are a nation obsessed with wealth, ignoring the state of the common people's welfare for the sake of acquiring more wealth. It's always about money. It's disgusting. But as it is now vital to our system, we kind of need it to work.

I hear so many people constantly complaining about stores like Walmart, Starbucks, and Costco, saying that they are destroying American values and neighborhoods and damaging small business. While I used to (semi-) agree with statements like that, I'm not stupid. Walmart is the NUMBER ONE employer in THE ENTIRE COUNTRY. OVER 1.1 MILLION people have jobs because of one little family business that started in Hicksville, USA (sorry, but my friend is from AR and even she says it's in the middle of nowhere...) Maybe they are underpaid, but let's say the company goes under overnight. That's literally a million-plus people without jobs, not even including Sam's Club employees (if you didn't know, they're owned by the same company...), corporate jobs, truck drivers, manufacturers, etc etc. I'm not trying to defend everything they stand for, or deny that they aren't exactly the best employer to work for, but seriously, shut the fuck up. Some of us actually do like inexpensive shopping trips at stores that have what we're looking for. Yes, I generally prefer Target over Walmart (which was basically all they've tried to do- be cleaner than Walmart...) but if I want a $10 waffle iron at 3 am, guess where the fuck I'm going! If you don't want to shop there, that's your problem, but don't complain about it if I'm going.

So, to propose a solution to all of our problems - annex Mexico and/or build a giant Walmart (or several...) along the Mexican border. They get the jobs and better lives they seek, and our economy is stimulated. We get more land, hardworking people with good values (unlike the lazy "All-American" bastards we have here...), and more jobs!

Anyway, I promised an interesting topic, so here it is - while randomly surfing Wikipedia, I came across a very interesting article about a group of people so ridiculous, Darwin would be proud of himself. The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, aka VHMENT (, has been around for about 18 years now (seems like they're failing...) and promotes the belief that the world is better off without humans. While I've been saying things like that for a looong time now (global warming - first "natural disaster" directly caused by a single species. Enough said.), I never thought anyone would be so stupid as to actually try to do it. "Volunteers" and "Supporters" of the movement may believe it immoral or unjustifiable to "create" more humans - i.e. will not reproduce-- believing that eventually, humans will simply die out. I'm sorry, but does anyone else see a major flaw in this plan? Like, oh I don't know, how damaging it is to destroy an entire species (believe me, if there were no effects whatsoever I would so be all for taking out several species that have a few too many legs...)? I mean really, talk about hardcore environmentalism. Oh well, Darwinism at it's finest!!!Yes, the world's (well, ok, China's...) population needs to be reduced for the sake of others and the environment, however killing people off doesn't exactly seem to be the way to do it, and that "population control" by restricting births is just working oh so fucking well, now isn't it?... (And the plan from the new Death Note movie, while eerie and disgustingly frightening to think about as an actual government suggestion, would definitely be worse than they think it will...) Yes, I TOTALLY think there should be a test you have to pass in order to have children (only intelligent people should be allowed to pass on their genes! I'm sorry, but really, how many more stupid people do we need in this world? Ugh, the more I read the VHMENT website, the more stupid statements I find... Yes, really, by all means - be the first to go, please. I beg you, go see the site. It's just... go. It's hilarious... though I don't think it's supposed to be. I agree with some things they say, but they're just too extreme... Besides, I eventually want kids [someday]. I'm adopting at least one, but that doesn't mean I can't have my own, too.) I think the biggest issue is not so much population control in terms of numbers but control in terms of lifestyles and over our environmental impact. Having a big family is not a good thing anymore. Learn to love the extended family! Also, the issues with world hunger (and poverty...) aren't exactly related to lack of food or overpopulation, but moreso the inequalities in the distribution of resources/food and wealth...

[sigh] At least something good has come out of this summer - I think I finally decided what I will do with my life, if I really have to be a part of this vile capitalist world... I'll go into human resources, specifically regarding management and training in corporate retail... After working where I am for the past month or so, I see so many areas for improvement that I could actually fix, if people would just listen to me... Some people don't like change... I, for one, am so ready for it... Please, Barack H. Obama - you're in a position to do what so many of us can't. Bring on the socialist ideals that could save our sorry asses. (And make it worth my vote - I "gave up" 65% Nader for 32% you!!! Then again, anyone is better than that idiot Palin... Oh Darwin [shudders] How much longer does this earth have to put up with that moron???)

Friday, June 26, 2009

"I Love You..." 2!

(Forgive the lame pun, it was not intended... or was it?)

So as I said before, I want to continue the previous topic... I guess my new job has made me a little more impulsive than usual, but a few weeks ago I decided to join a new website... Tickle is gone, and this site has really interesting quizzes (and the only way to save your answers, is, duh, to sign up for the site!) I kind of forgot that the site is also [cough & blush] a dating site... Needless to say, I freaked out for the first few hours, but made sure to list that I was just there for the quizzes & maybe make a few new FRIENDS. It's been what, a few weeks tops, and I have at least 4 AIM screennames, 30 personal messages, a bunch of "winks," too many hits to keep track of, and apparently the site says that my quiz answers have "caused a commotion in the system" and I'm popular (though I'm sure that's just a marketing statement... ha! me, popular! & on a "dating site"...). Though (yay, ego boost!) 6 guys (most of them quite cute ^^") rated me as a 4 or 5 (out of 5) [pats self on back - good photography & random 3-am profile!] Enough about me though, back to the topic! (Oh, 1 more thing - enough of the 38-yr olds! EW! Old enough to be my father- I don't even want to think about that....)

So anyway, today I wanted to cover 3 topics - internet dating, v-cards, and fetishes. Yea, I know, HUGE jump from last week, but it's come up more than a few times in the past month, so... here we go!
So has anyone read the latest Cosmo??? The one with VIRGINS IN COSMO! on the cover? Guess which article I want to talk about... As I was reading through, I was kind of insulted by the way it was initially presented - in huge letters "VIRGINS IN COSMO! (We thought this day would never come!)" like it's something so rare (well, ok, it is. 20% of college graduates, by the stats listed in the article. But 20% is still a lot!) and mysterious.What's so horriffic about being a virgin at my age? Yes, it's rare nowadays, but what's so wrong about it that Cosmo has to pick on us? The first few paragraphs really made it seem like there's something wrong with it, like virgins shouldn't be reading Cosmo - until I continued reading. The article is an interesting read, and I'm actually glad they brought it up. In America, it really is rare to find virgins over the age of 19, even in many religious communities. Sex partners are so (well...) easily accessible, that anyone can get what they want. Abstaining is a choice, not an expectation or something to be frowned upon. (Yes, even "unattractive" people can "get laid," so quit your moping and find yourself some company if you want it!) For something still so taboo, sex has become such a major facet of our society- how we dress, how we interact, the foods we choose to eat, in our music/TV/books-- that sometimes we don't even notice it.

Most people are aware that, out of all of my female friends, I'm the last with a v-card and not likely to lose it anytime soon. Why? I'm not in the least bit religious, so scratch that out. I don't care either way about "waiting til marriage." I'm basically a (slightly more conservative) hippie - peace, free love, & all that jazz. And contrary to popular belief, I'm not a total prude (nor am I gay. Just putting that out there... since so many people, including my mother, seem to think otherwise -_-". Like I've said before, yuri just doesn't cut it for me.). So what sets me apart from everyone else?

I couldn't explain it at the time, but it really bothered me to be the last. I was worried that it would be like the dating conversations, where I would just be insanely annoyed, left out, or pressured to do the same. I wasn't planning on joining them any time soon, and I'm not really one to give into peer pressure. I figured I would simply be left out of conversations and activities - again. When talking with a liberal guy friend, I realized that I was just worried about what they would think about me. It was like high school all over again for me- I hadn't dealt with how I felt about it then, so I didn't know how to deal with it now (damn you psychology...).

Sometime a while back, two of my guy friends and I were talking about all of this. I consider them both to be really close friends, and we talk about a lot of things, so it wasn't too awkward to discuss this for once. One is really conservative, but I know that he's dated a few girls before. The other is pretty liberal, but also a v-card holder. When talking to the guys, I wasn't all too surprised to hear that they both had similar but completely opposite answers. Liberal guy is looking forward to it, conservative guy doesn't care either way. But overall, we kind of feel the same way. Like most of the girls interviewed in the Cosmo article, we're waiting for someone we think is worth it. I don't think it's all that special of an experience, but I would still rather experience it with someone I like and trust than some random, dirty guy I'll never talk to again. (Sorry, Virgo = germaphobe... Other people are dirty... Blech...) I don't want to regret it, or "get it over with," or whatever. It doesn't matter enough to me to have to think of it in that way, nor do I feel like it's something I "need to have" to be happy. I have more self-control than that-- though this is why I was so bothered to hear about everyone else. We were raised in similar circumstances, for the most part, and it's not like I've never been in a situation that would've lead to... [coughs - though I guess technically ANY situation can lead to sex... but again, self-control!] If I have self control, does that mean they don't? I don't know how to answer that...

Most people are surprised to learn that, although I'm a virgin, I'm into light BDSM (Wikipedia!) and will freely admit to that (LOL... Yes, virgins can have fetishes too! We may not always know for sure until we try it out, but I t believe it's important to have an opinion of such things BEFORE you get into those situations. I think the idea of it just sounds amusing... I must've been kidnapped as a child, haha. Damn you, Freud.) So what about other fetishes? What comes to mind when you hear the word? Chains? Schoolgirls? Defecation? Yea, not a big fan of that last one... But if someone suggested it to you, does that really make them a freak? In the psych world, many fetishes (or paraphilia, as they are known in the DSM), are considered to be serious disorders, requiring treatment (and let's just say you don't want to know what kind of treatment. Guys, please go cringe in a corner so the girls can talk... Believe me, you'll be grateful.) Then again, half the "disorders" in the DSM were made up by a bunch of old guys who tortured children and monkeys for a living, or were seriously fucked up in the head and thought everyone was like that. What was I talking about again?

Oh, right. It's interesting that these are considered to be "perversions," still considered immoral even in today's (more) liberal society. See the problem with that statement, though? "Immoral" - yes, many people are religious, but who the fuck gave them the right to judge others? If you're religious, you'd know that God/Allah/whomever-you-believe-in is the only one with that power.

Many types of fetish play sites and pornographies have been banned or discounted because they are thought to "normalize violence," especially against women. First of all, violence, unfortunately, is normal for most of us. Yes, some people are stupid enough to imitate what they see on TV. But here's the thing - serial killers and rapists aren't doing it for the sex. It's power and control that they seek. Stupid people who do it generally have some sort of mental issue to begin with. And it's possible that those who seek out violent porn have issues to begin with. Or not. Either way, limiting access to it and calling fetishists "perverts" isn't going to solve anything. Some people will get their fix any way they can, and if doing it in real life is what it takes, then... bring on the internet porn.

Anyway, whether you're into fetishes or not, at least respect others' interests. So your new guy is into furries. (Good luck with that!) Well, you'll never know until you try, right? As long as it's consentual (including rape-play! Even though that kind of defeats the purpose, lol...) then as far as I care, anything goes.

Ok, so I'm all over the place right now. I've been trapped in the world of Wikipedia for I don't even know how long, but I found something very interesting for my next post... I'm sure you'll find it amusing!

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Confession Time - Gomen Nasai!

Confession time. Since honesty is something EXTREMELY important to me, I think it's time I cleared up a few things... I doubt this will make me or any of you feel any better (if anything, it'll just make me more anxious than usual-- which seems impossible, but who knows...) but I figured I should... (I wish I could say I'm wasted out of my mind, but we all know that would be a lie... So... Let's go with it anyway before I change my mind...)

So, sorry for another personal post... The next will be real, I swear.


@MN23 - I lied. For years... It's nothing major I suppose... I told you someday I would tell you what I lied about, so here it is. I realized (a few weeks ago! randomly...) that you thought he liked me but that I didn't like him back. I really thought you knew. I don't know if he knew (EVERYONE else knew... -_-" hence why I said I must've been a complete ditz... people who didn't know me knew... mostly his fault for things he did in class, I'm sure, but... gah...), but I really REALLY liked him back then... (It's kind of scary now that I think of it. Over the top, head-over-heels, ditzy... Kind of disgusting when I read my "diary", but it was a fun high while it lasted... like that glue that day at drama ^^") It's probably the one thing I regret most - not telling him, or anyone else for that matter- because I knew, for a while at least, it hurt him. That day at SF, I lied to you & Kerri in the bathroom too... & I was thinking of telling him that night, when we ran away, until... haha, I was so mad at you for that, back then... and for any other time you showed up or interfered... Every time I was about to say something, someone interrupted or the timing got all messed up... Plus, at one point (sometime around the summer after junior year... long story...) I didn't even know if he still liked me, plus I had no idea what I was doing & I was starting to get over it (especially once the little froshies got involved...) & ... (gah.. actually there's so much I've wanted to tell you, most not related to high school in particular, but here is definitely not the place...though apparently you knew certain things? Or I thought you knew... Though perhaps you know what I still don't...) Here we are today, huh... I just hate not knowing what would've happened if I hadn't listened to the "rules," or if I had the fucking guts to just say something... And I hate that people, including you, lied to me (lies of omission count too!). I was more upset about that than anything. Why can't I trust the only people I have left to trust? And why should everyone else get to break "the rules" when they're the ones enforcing them? Then I get pissed off because I feel so stupid for ever caring or thinking I... I dunno. I just wonder if I'll always be a stepping stone. (Or if I wasn't completely delusional back then... because that could mean I'm schizophrenic... and if I am, now is sooo the time to know...)

(Thank you, loving parents, for this wonderful inferiority complex, which would not be possible without your 21 years of negative comments and rejection... It's not my fault I exist, now is it. Sorry for the "analytical mind" that you hate so much.)

@EA - hm... I think there's a long list of things I'm sorry about, and I'm pretty sure you know them all. So, sorry in advance if I do any more stupid things...

@ _____ - I'm sorry I couldn't say it when you needed me to. I still do sometimes. I pushed you away so many times, even though I didn't want to. You were my first, but I don't want you to be my last, so... I'm really sorry... Now, I just want to forget you and move on.

@ Everyone else- Gomen nasai [bows]...

Forgive me, as I do you -

@MN23 - I can't say I'm completely over it. It really made me question your loyalty... that video especially. How much can I trust someone who will share my darkest secrets with anyone and everyone? (I never fully explained why I sent that email anyway... Let's just say it's something you don't want to know about, but should NEVER have been advertised, despite that one sentence...) Sometimes I wonder how and why things got this way, why we've even made it this far, despite all signs (a.k.a. EVERYONE) saying we should've ended it years ago. Just part of growing up, I guess. Either way, it's been16 years since we first met. I'm still trying, so I hope you are too. Here's to the years to come. Love you.

@EA - In the past few years, you've said some pretty mean things (and you know it! lol...) but that's just part of why I love you, nee-chan. Brutally honest (though sometimes you were wrong... just putting that out there lol...). Here's to 1 last, awesome semester (just a warning, I will be BAWLING in December. Be prepared...)

@ the many "men" in my life - So... Fine. We can't help who we fall in love with (though I still highly doubt any of you "love" the women you chose, especially not more than those you gave up), so for that, I will forgive you. However, you're still on my shitlist [raspberry].

To anyone else - the past is past, ok? Clean slates all around. (yes, I don't care that this is mid-year, what better time than the present...)

Anyway, as promised, next post - sex & fetishes, internet dating, & that damn Cosmo article!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

I hate Youtube (for reasons I don't see a need to explain) however, I came across these videos (while NOT on youtube.)... Check them out, they're pretty cool...

(Original Source)

"Erik, My Love!" - Souless $cam & My Summer Project

I've contemplated several billion times what I felt like talking about today. I originally had planned a continuation of the last topic, a dissection of what love is, plus a few comments about an article in the latest Cosmo. Maybe eventually I will get around to that, maybe not. I know I said that I didn't want to make this too personal, but I'm wondering now if I've already passed that stage... In terms of current events, nothing has happened that I've really found to be exceptionally interesting. So I guess it's time to introduce what was going to be my summer project, and a major point of this blog...

As some of you may know, I was looking for a job for this summer. I wasn't sure where to start, so I decided to post resumes on job sites like Monster and CareerBuilder. Throughout my search, I kept track of all companies that contacted me- real or not. Why? Well, think about it. So many people are looking for work right now, and it's hard to find a company that's hiring. People may be desperate for work, willing to take whatever they can get. What better time to take advantage of that than now? Since so much of job searching and applying has shifted to electronic media and the internet, it has opened up the perfect opportunites for scammers to swindle their way into our lives. I started this "project" about a month or so ago, and already I've received more fraudulent "job offers" than I can count! It's absolutely appalling. At the end of the summer, I will be posting a list of these companies, along with a detailed summary of the project, so that others can be aware of these b@$t@rd$.

Here are some examples of my replies to these companies (before I started ignoring the emails)
(Warning: I can be a bitch when I want to be... and no, I didn't really say that to her... in the final email ^^"):

Dear Ms. *********,

No. Thank you, but I must decline. I am well aware of your "company" and its reputation-- and the $500 "necessary" software. I'm sorry to hear that you are associated with such a company, because I would really like to think that you and your coworkers are nice people (though I've come to accept the fact that you're probably some old, wrinkly ihag intern desperate for money and willing to do anything short of prostitution- since you can't get that kind of work anyway- to pay the bills-- in which case I deeply sympathize [tear] and would like to let you know that I seriously could not care less about people like you, since you clearly have no soul). I must insist that you and your associates do not email me again. Any further emails will be blacklisted and deleted.

Also, since you have contacted me, I must tell you that I am currently writing an essay/article on job hunting in today's market, with a focus on internet scams and employment fraud. This essay is unlikely to be published anywhere except on my own personal blog, but I must inform you that I am including a list of all notorious or questionable "companies" that have personally contacted me during the course of my job search. Your company will appear on this list.
Please take note of the following [OMITTED, for length here, but same as below)


(Reply to an OBVIOUS scam - God, they didn't even try to hide it!)

Dearest Erik,
May I call you Erik? How about Love? Anyway, thanks for the prompt feedback. Your suggestion sounds amazing!...

Or, Not.
Pardon my prior sarcasm, but (in all seriousness) I wanted to thank you for participating in my independent research project. I did not expect to hear back from you.
Curiosity and boredom lead to interesting results. As I mentioned, I do a lot of online research, and (surprise!) never trust a psych major, because you never know what we're studying. In this case, I am researching online job applications and résumés, and focusing on the risk of scams and employment fraud. To do this, during my real summer job search, not only I am applying to ads that are obviously legitimate but also to ads that seem questionable, just to see what kind of response I receive. Over the next year or so, I will be compiling a list of all of the places that do not respond, give a scripted or standard response, or give me a questionable response, and of any relevant spam emails I receive, so that I may share such information with peers. Your reply is definately 'questionable.'

Please take note of the following:
- This personal project is independent of all associations.
- The results will NOT be formally published anywhere except on my private blog and in an article I am writing on internet scams, trust, and employment.
- All results are confidential (your name will not be mentioned), however I must flag your craigslist ad.
- Nor will there be legal action against any site (unless there is due cause-- i.e. identity theft or sharing/using my information).
- This project is not for profit or any benefit other than spreading social awareness and for personal use.
- This project will not directly affect the "businesses" in any way that they would not be otherwise subject to. (I am not the first, nor will I be the last, to make a list of potentially risky websites. I always do further research on all sites before posting them to the list to ensure that they are in fact "questionable." I do not wish to defame legitimate companies, only expose the false ones. Your reply has already been identified by others as a scam. Therefore, welcome to the list.)

I assure you this project will not affect your "business" in any way-- It only serves to help innocent people avoid being scammed in this time of economic crisis, and to provide resources for those who have fallen victim.

Again, thank you for your input.


As I wrote that at like 5 am, I'm surprised it's so coherent... Anyway, so there's your sneak peek into what I've been up to... I haven't replied to any other companies, and as I'm no longer actively searching for a job, it's all up to them now... I think I will still post on Cosmo/"Love" later, maybe tomorrow. I don't feel like myself right now (will explain that later, it's relevant...) Tonight, I think I'm just going to enjoy anime & my NEW CREDIT CARD!!! YAY!!! (It's my first, can you tell I'm excited?) WHOOO BIG LIMIT! (that i'm not going to EVER get even close to- not even 1/9 of it if I can help it!)

Sore Ja!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Mini-Post 2:Regarding Feedback

Ew, I used "parents" & "sex" in the same paragraph... Lovely little visual for you all! Excuse me while I gouge my eyes out...

Hey everyone! I'm glad to see/hear that so many are enjoying this so far! ^^" I really didn't expect that at all...

@Marve1gir1 - (Actually, I've also received feedback via phone, AIM, & Facebook...) & lol, none of the above.
(Though now I'm wondering where the hell some of those topics came from...I am so confused, lol... & wdum girls... What about "non-hetero" [Ultima-san, yea I totally couldn't wait to use that, lol...] guys! YAY YAOI!!! Yuri is no fun at all!)

I just want to remind everyone that this IS a public site, anything you say is visible to anyone and everyone, so be careful about what you want people to know. I don't censor. I will NEVER use names or publicly identifiable information, this is meant to be semi-anonymous fun (which is why the facebook links- from there to here- are public for 3 days only. After that, all links will be moved to a private page - "Kappa Delta Sigma" for those of you in it, or private myspace blog.)

As for the next "topic" - most likely will be posted Friday or Saturday night (days off... next week will be killer...) Ja, mata!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Mini-Post: Responses to Feedback

Yay! So far, feedback has been fairly awesome...

@TEA (o god, you need a new nickname here... bad YuGiOh reference, not that you would know what that means, lol... EA it is then.) - next one will (possibly) be shorter! Glad you found it amusing tho!

@Marve1gir1 - I don't actually talk about my dad at any point... Though I assume you're referring to a specific section - I wasn't thinking about him at all, just giving a general disclaimer. Parents are strictly forbidden in the blogging world as far as I'm concerned. Lol, & regarding the sex thing... uh... if the thought had actually crossed my mind at any point, it would be more like relieved than offended ^^" (love you, but not in that way... same to you EA!) so likewise, no offense... (And you beat me to my next mini topic I see...) & lol Nana 2 totally ruined Nana for me... the manga's ok though...

So anyway, as I said, next topic is... well, it's weird. Be prepared. Ja, mata ashita!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

"I Love You... ?"

Warning - I don't really do short, now do I. THIS IS LONG (if you couldn't already tell). This is the short version too - I could go on FOREVER... Anyway:

I can't say this doesn't feel silly. Anyway, while I'm sure no one actually wants to hear me ramble on about some stupid crap, I will continue on. I will be completing my projects and posting final results, however there will be more information on that later.

Right now, the topic that's been on my mind (and friends' minds...) is apparently "romance." I figured this week I would present a few different takes on the situation.
Tonight- Single life. I want to present a… well, a personal argument, that shows another side of dating- the non-existent side, that is, and some reasons for it.

I chose to present this as a more personal entry in natural voice, as I believe this to be something that is unique and personal to everyone. (There is some [cough] “mild” language.)

In American society, so much emphasis is placed on "finding the right person" and "falling in love." In fact, Western cultures are quite unique in this aspect - some other cultures don't even have words to describe "love, " and very, very few even have similar concepts of love. Why is it that it is so important to us? Why is it so engrained in our society (besides occurring as a result of our religious background as a country...)? Time Magazine recently rated eHarmony, the infamous dating website, to be the most depressing site of the year (sorry, Google it, I lost the source). America has the highest rate for divorce in the ENTIRE WORLD (see here for very basic, probably less-official list: It can’t all be that much of a coincidence, can it?

What about those of us who are less interested in currently finding romantic love, for whatever reason? It's sometimes hard for others to understand exactly why dating and romance are more difficult or are different for some of us. Everyone is different, and it is the same for “love”. Most are aware of the different types of love, but does anyone really think about the different types of "romantic" love? Why should it be the same for everyone? Yes, in the end, we are all human, social beings who need “love” to thrive. However, we pride ourselves on being unique and distinctive. Shouldn't our marriages, romances, relationships, etc. be just as unique and special as we are? Shouldn't they be a reflection of who we are as individuals?

There’s only one good thing about being single in America- having single friends (who aren’t obsessed with “finding someone”) to hang out with. There’s no point if you're the only one, because then all you can think about is “finding someone” too. It seems paradoxical. Or a trap.

Newly “Twitterpated” friends keep telling me "we have to find you a man!" over and over again (Odd how many of them there suddenly are. I would say at least 3 or 4 people, this past semester alone. And no, “twitterpated” doesn’t have a damn thing to do with micro-blogging! Watch Bambi for gods-sake!).

My reply? "What the hell would I do with one?" Don't get me wrong, I’m not so naive, prudish, or "holier-than-thou" to completely ignore the reality of the situation. Nor am I the type that hates men, or hates the idea of a steady relationship or does not want a husband and family (or just a wedding, I think I can deal with it if there's just a big, fancy, cake and dress wedding with a groom and dancing and a beach...). I just don't see the point in investing so much time and energy into finding (let alone keeping...) someone who is actually interested in me or my life. I find it to be too daunting a prospect, an impossibility, especially considering the rates of failure for normal couples. I’ve realized in the past few years that I’ve completely forgotten how to interact in such a way, and relearning seems to me impossible. Despite all of this, don't tell people that they’re only single because they want to be. Maybe they do, maybe they don’t. I am so sick of hearing that. It’s such bullshit. Given the choice (and I mean immediate choice, as in: here is a guy/girl, are you single or not?), most of us probably wouldn't be. If it were easier and only relied on our own individual efforts and not someone else's aesthetic/personal choice, then absolutely. However, that is not the case, and therefore it is not as easy as "find one you like." There's no H&M for boys (Though could you imagine... ;-D).

Another thing I’ve noticed- once single friends are no longer single, they tend to disappear! When you do actually see them, it's always "my boyfriend this" or "when are you going to find someone?" (It’s ok the first few times, but when you start hearing this for YEARS, it really gets old fast.) Suddenly, going out to clubs is a lot less fun, and you find yourself staying out late at night, alone, in random places because your roommate is with her boyfriend and a) is "busy" in the bedroom and kicked you out, or b) it's just too lonely there without her... And when you bring it up with another friend, their advice? "Why don't you find someone too?" That's what I hate most about people who are dating- they expect everyone else to want to do it too! Grr… What’s great for you just stresses me out to no end.

So to remedy my new lonely situation, I tried to seek out other people to hang out with. That didn’t really work out too well…So I searched online for stuff for single people to do- except I meant single in the literal sense. Of course, the only things that came up were "find the right person for you!" kinds of crap. Seriously? Because I couldn't possibly just want some information about things to do by myself? No, please, advertise to me about finding my true love, because apparently that's what you think I should be doing instead of spending some quality me time. I even searched around for some new friends to chat with online in my usual forums... Oops, forgot I’m too shy to actually talk to people. Needless to say, that didn’t really go too well either. I did find a lot of stuff to keep me busy though.... I learned a billion new recipes, a bunch of new songs on the guitar AND the piano, bought new video games, planned my costumes for Otakon. I’ve been wondering why the semester seemed so empty this year. I’ve been so incredibly busy with school work, to keep my mind off of life. I just wanted to spend time with my friends... (Not that I’m blaming them or anything, if that’s how it sounds… Again, their choice, their lives… I just miss them!) I miss the days when it wasn't about finding romance but just... living. Why does growing older have to be about careers and marriage? What happened to life? Enjoying a cool breeze, the fuzziness of a dandelion, the feeling of mud between your toes? Why must we make things so complicated?

I wonder sometimes if I’m normal... (Yes, I googled that too. I had way too much time on my hands one night, and when there's no one to talk to... well, what else is there to do?) I think the answer is yes and no. The sad thing about “normal” is that it’s based solely on the majority, and it has incredible capacity to change. The majority isn’t always right, and what’s right for some or most isn’t necessarily right for all. However, apparently there are a lot of people who feel the same way I do, or are my age and have never truly dated. There’s just so much peer pressure for certain age groups, and it’s starting even younger now. Since when were 10 year olds so concerned with dating? I’m pretty sure I was still playing with Barbies at 10. The idea probably never even crossed my mind until…13 maybe.

I remember a few years ago (freshman year!), my friend invited her boyfriend’s friend to go to this big dance, with me (as a friend, of course). It was awkward, but a lot of fun. We even ended up talking a bit later on in the semester. I can’t say much for his side of things, but from the moment he agreed to go, all of my friends jumped into “matchmaker” mode. It was unbearable. By the time I was actually supposed to meet him, I was too nervous to even say hi! And afterwards… “You two got along so well! You have so much in common! Do you like him? What’s going to happen next?” before I even got my shoes off. They even started badgering him to say what he thought of me! Semi-mature young adults, acting like little middle schoolers over something as silly as a dance… It’s amazing how crucial it became to the rest of the evening’s activities… One friend said that everyone just wanted to see me try dating someone for once. They said it was the normal thing to do, that I should try it because I might like it. I replied that no one had actually asked me my opinion about dating beforehand. No one bothered to ask me why I didn’t want to date. And since when is my private life their business, anyway?

It’s not like I don't feel anything for anyone. I have many crushes; I just don't do anything about them. I suppose my shyness and fear of rejection (damn you social phobia!!!) play a role in that., however I do have my (legitimate) reasons. I’m not so anti-social that I won't talk to someone... or perhaps I’m just too traditional when it comes to this. Either way, does it matter that I don't believe in dating? I think it's ridiculous, to be perfectly honest. I mean the "I like you, let's go have dinner and see a movie" type of crap kids do nowadays (again, I’m guessing here. I wouldn’t exactly know, now would I). What’s the point? Awkward conversation followed by awkward silence followed by 2 hours of fidgeting in a seat next to them followed by... I don't even know. I would be so bored by the end of dinner... can you really get to know someone like that? I really don't think so. I wouldn't know what to talk about to begin with, nor would I really want to talk about myself and divulge my life's story like that. It’s such a silly concept, really. I can understand why many people do it, but that doesn’t mean it’s for everyone.

My first thought (and a warning from other friends), when confronted with all of these ideas, was the risk of a self-fulfilling prophecy- to make it as simple as I possibly can, it means something will come true because I unintentionally made it the result. Setting yourself up for failure. If I believe I’ll never fall in love, I won’t be able to. If I believe I'll get hurt, I will. How depressing is that. And since I'm a fatalist, it seems even more depressing, because it means that it was always meant to be. For me, it’s not at all that I believe romantic love doesn’t exist, or that I’ll never find it (again?), but that it comes with a slew of unwanted attachments and so many other problems. For one, I’m kind of looking for something that’s long lasting, not short-term. The idea of a summer fling is absolutely appalling, because I become very emotionally attached to people very easily- a typical problem for a lot of people, surprisingly. Short-term relationships can be more painful than they’re worth. (I don’t care how many people I meet in life. I prefer quality over quantity.)

Being in love has its perks, but I’ve also found it to be… well, annoying at times. (I was a complete ditz -_-“) It’s impractical, fickle, and unpredictable, and overall focuses far too much on the “heart” over the mind—all the things I (a Virgo) can’t stand. That’s where marriage comes in- a practical solution to an impractical problem. Marriage, in its most basic form, is a social and economic arrangement designed to create and foster a stable society. Love is actually quite irrelevant, but we like to believe that it strengthens the bonds. And it might. Or not. Depends on the type of love, really. Companionship vs. passion? You can’t really build a future on passion. Sorry… It’s fun while it lasts though.

So what about other people? Friends with benefits? Eh, why not. When there is no love or need for it, it’s purely instinctual, fulfilling a basic need. A lot of people seem to find it weird that I’m ok with this and 1-night stands (not to say that I would ever engage in either, but I won’t judge you if you do/would. Your choice, your life, live it while you can. Just be safe about it.) Again, who said sex and love have to be related? (Answer: religion! I’m trying to keep this as secular as possible, so if what I’m saying goes against your personal religion, remember that this is my personal opinion and I am basically an atheist, so I really don’t care about religious opinions. They are IRRELEVANT right now.) As someone once said to me, if you can’t have the real thing [love], why not something that’s like “practice.” Humans, men in particular, are not wired for monogamy. It’s actually detrimental to the evolution and genetic viability of the species. (DO NOT TAKE THIS AS AN EXCUSE FOR CHEATING!!! If you make a commitment to someone, be a man/woman and keep it. While technically it is the basic reason a lot of people cheat [though they don’t actively process it as “for the good of the species.” It comes out more as a “Ooo! Pretty! Must mate with it!”], that doesn’t mean they aren’t responsible for their actions! Seriously, this is where I must advocate self-control, and the only reason for that is because when emotions are involved, sex can be a weapon and a burden. What right do you have to hurt someone else because you can’t control yourself? So pathetic...

I also think it’s kind of pathetic the way we throw around words like “I love you.” Those words have lost so much meaning, so if that's the case, why even bother saying it? There are a few people in this world (and one in particular that my sub-conscious will not let me forget -_-“) that I never said those words to, and I will always regret that fact because I will never have another chance. But to those I say it to now – I mean it with all of my heart. To me, love is not something to be taken lightly. When I say it, I want it to mean something. I want it to be the special feeling/event that I’ve been told it should be- & something that can never be taken back.There are a few of us who would like to believe that true, pure love, if it exists, is worth the sacrifice and the patience. The question is, how and where is it found?

My point? The obvious. Love and romance can be complicated, and pressuring people to find it can have serious consequences that you don’t even realize. Serious psychological issues that can be triggered or “started” as a result of romantic interaction – depression, sexual dysfunction/disorders, obsessions. How else could “couple’s therapy” be such a flourishing business? Everyone is striving to become a picture perfect couple – there’s no such thing! From a young age, girls are taught to dream of marriage—to perfect princes who will sweep us off our feet. We’ll live happily ever after, a perfect life with a perfect family and a perfect husband. Everything about life is romanticized, from birth til dying beside our “one true love,” our soulmate. The fact is, that is not reality, and it can be a painful road to that reality.

Wow, you’ve read this far… Thanks and Congrats. I guess I should also say that I’m working on a novel right now (or should I say still…) that kind of works through all of this- or should I say that the main character is trying to work through her definitions of “love” and relationships to find out for herself what it’s really all about. It’s (hopefully) not as stupid as that last statement made it sound. I’m trying to represent a more realistic romance I suppose (sort of a romance novel but, not. I hate romance novels… most of the time.) If it’s any good, I may try to get it published as an e-book or something (it’s really not as bad as I’ve probably made it sound…). Wish me luck!

P.S. - Anyone "mentioned" here- I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! ^^"

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Bored Already With Blogging... ?

Yea... so... That summer project may be cut really short pending... well, tomorrow... & I'm getting bored with this, so... maybe, maybe not. Just a head's up (Haha, like anyone's reading this anyway...) Ja, mata ashita...

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Forgive me, I think my space bar is broken... ^^"

I just wanted to start off with a really informal intro- Ohayoo!!! For those of you who know me well- ... well, you know what to expect.

For those of you who don't know me but have heard of me (rare, but plausible), please feel free to say hi! I'm not quite as unsociable as I may appear in the forums...

Most importantly, for those of you who have never met me, here are a few things you should know:


1. I am not the least bit sarcastic. (<-Lie #1. I love sarcasm and sarcastic people. I have been told that sometimes it's impossible to tell when I am being sarcastic & I sound believable. I'm not sure about the validity of that statement, but I will warn you when I'm being sarcastic... maybe.)

2. I am (apparently) extremely liberal (despite my strict Roman Catholic upbringing. God help them [scoffs], they tried.) I love irony, controversy, & a good debate. Vegetarian, "artsy" (painter/musician/craftsperson without the talent... well, ok, I'm mediocre at best. I can do it, just not in a way that's... well... good. I write a lot though, & that seems to go well.) overly-opinionated animal lover with too much time on her hands (until school starts up again...)

3. I tend to ramble, if you haven't noticed. I often go off on tangents, or just change subject completely mid-thought. It's just how my mind works (I'm pretty sure I have ADD actually... My mother doesn't believe it, but everyone else agrees with me...) I like randomness (may be referenced as "randomity") and made up concepts/words. "Normal" is relative- a.k.a non-existent.

4. Grammar and spelling are important to me. I am an academic; this is what I have been programmed to love. Therefore, I will write this as proficiently as possible (a.k.a so that it's actually readable and understandable, with as little netspeak/geekspeak as possible...) & I will do my best to keep "profanity" to a bare minimum (although may I say now that I find censorship to be a disgusting, frightening tool used to staunch & control free & creative expression & the exchange of ideas. Just putting that out there... Not that I'm required to here, I don't think. Just for those who are uncomfortable with certain sounds...Sorry, but you realize that's basically what language is, right? Gutteral sounds and signs many beings use to communicate... Linguistics is absolutely fascinating... & I'm rambling again...) I do actually want this to be a legitimate, informational (yet clearly informal) blog.

5. Apparently I am a geek. I can't say that I was not aware of my "geek" status, but if liking computers & technology & animanga (yea, shut up, I'm an Otaku, I know...) & psychology & art & animal/human rights & music is geeky, then whatever.

6. I use ^^" a lot. If you don't know what it means, ignore it. Think of it as an embarrassed shrug. Also, translate O_O as... well, that should be obvious. Um... (Oh yea, I write almost exactly as I speak.) [gasp!]

7. If you have any questions about me, just ask. I don't mind answering... Also, feel free to comment.

So, now that that's out of the way- I'm currently working on a big project. Well, ok, it's not that big, but it's time consuming. I will be posting the updates on it here. No clues as to what it is, though. You'll just have to wait and see!

Also, I suppose you'll be wondering what exactly the topic of this blog is. I don't do personal journal entries online (well, at least not public ones), so don't expect a lot of information about my daily activities and feelings. (Like a good little introvert, I keep them bottled up inside! Sorry, I couldn't resist...) I am a psychology major/sociology minor, so most posts will probably have something to do with either subject.

I tend to pick a controversial or underresearched topic & write about it using various factual sources (for example, my little rant about "greenwashing" that was posted on my myspace blog...). It will probably be random things/social issues I find interesting. We'll see what happens.

Hope to see you later!