Monday, July 18, 2011

Life things... #personal

Share on Twitter:

Rather disgusted with myself at the moment... For the past few months, I've been incredibly selfish and shallow. I know. I've spent every waking hour burying myself in "pop culture" and tv shows to distract myself from the real world. I'm nearing the end of a Lost Weekend (Harry Potter and the Harry/Draco pairing, not alcohol [though there was some] or drugs or sex like a "typical" Lost Weekend, I mean... I'm such a dork, I know. Whatever. It was awesome.) But... I haven't done anything worthwhile, really. I've made a few friends, I suppose; I've ranted about various injustices and explained why I felt things were wrong and what we should do about them... But I haven't really done anything but sit around. I've lost the motivation to do more. Why? I mean, other than the depression (which, lately, has been more than crippling... The internet is the only thing that keeps me sane and remotely resembling "whole.")

Today my plans consisted of reading Drarry fics, watching Prisoner of Azkaban and making gifs of Draco's swagger, and doing laundry. What the fuck even is my life anymore... Petitions? Nope. Protests? Nope. Actual blogging? lol nope inocurr. I wrote a few posts but never published them. They were politics, actually, but I lost interest halfway through... Same with everything else in my life lately. I sink inside of my mind and I just don't want to leave. I've barely even spoken to IRL friends... and when I do, it's brief... Fuck... I'm sorry. Really... I'm trying to get back to reality, I just... I don't want to. And I have to make myself want to. And it's proving to be far more difficult than I imagined.