Friday, April 30, 2010

Mini-post from work, via

Lunchtime updates-

I'm starting to wonder if perhaps all that's been going on us some sort of strange conspiracy, a twisted version of fate or karma...if only because it's so mind-boggling to think it's just a convenient coincidence, or that we're just noticing these things now, as if for the first time. When trying to pass healthcare reform, several insurance companies suddenly hiked up their rates by up to (and in some cases, over) 50%. We saw recently that companies were dropping women diagnosed with breast cancer. The ban on drilling was lifted, and we talked about the need for alternative energy. Soon after, a mine exploded and killed 26 people. We're in the middle of one of the worst oil spills in history that is damaging protected land and wildlife (after the initial explosion, in which at least 11 people were lost...)

At least the spill seems to be making our president and others rethink drilling and protecting whales and wildlife, even if it's only a temporary freeze. It's sad that it takes disaster to make people think, but at least we can all recognize the need for urgent change and reform!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Freedom is...???

So much has been going on lately, that I simply haven't thought about this much. First things first - Congrats, Storyteller Knight, for being nominated for a writing award for her superhero series Cat's Eye PI! Help us vote her to victory!

In other news, what the hell is going on with Arizona? For the past 5 years, we've seen all sorts of questionable laws and bans come out of that state, from abortion to immigration and gay rights-- and we thought Utah was conservative! What I really don't understand is why certain groups claim to want a "small government" that doesn't infringe on people's rights, yet they support and advocate laws that force women who seek an abortion to have an ultrasound (and not the slimy-stomach type, but by means of a long, thin camera shoved up her crotch... how's that for traumatizing, especially after a possible rape... Though technically, by definition, it would also qualify as being rape...);  allow police to stop (and possibly arrest) anyone on the streets and ask for documentation with very loosely defined requirements (no warrant required); tell people who love each other they can't legally get married, or have/adopt kids, or visit each other in the hospital, because some people don't like it or think it's right; deny basic human rights based on skin color or ethnicity (still happens today, though thankfully not as widespread as before. Now it's just more covert... in most cases.). So you want government to control who gets married and who gets to live where, but not to provide basic healthcare for all citizens, keep our borders safe or our beaches, water, and air clean? Not to make sure that everyone has an equal, fair opportunity to get a decent job based on experience and knowledge, and a fair wage? And not to make sure that everyone has a fair chance at the American dream by helping those who have nowhere to go, no education, are cold or sick or dirty or hungry or alone or too old to care for themselves? Do we just let these people die on the streets? I think you'd  just complain that the government isn't keeping these people away from your perfect America. Please prove me wrong. My point is that we've seen the world without these things, and we've seen the world with it. We don't want to go back to that world of fear, and pain, and cruelty. We're supposed to be the penultimate country of freedom, the "Land of Opportunity." That title, however, is also based on a history of institutionalized pain, murder, and unnecessary force. In some ways, we have tried to rectify our past mistakes, and in some ways, we have overcome our past. We are a superpower in the world, and have so much potential for good. But we don't know what freedom truly means. So, think about it. What does freedom mean for you? And what does it mean for Americans?

Monday, April 26, 2010


Ok, was trying to sleep, but one last thing. Again, no politics tonight. Not much, at least.

Today's theme has been disappointment.

Virgo Daily Single's Horoscope -
"You need to cut someone a little slack, even if they just used their last get-out-of-jail-free card. Instead of getting mad about the recent string of slights, it’s time to do something about them."

-_-" Oh alright, fine. Something done. And that something will be nothing but this and all that follows (since I'm assuming it's safe to tell the truth now.) Sometimes it's better to be mean if it means that something good will come of it. I mean, one should never have to be mean, but sometimes it's the only way... And it sucks, and it hurts, and you might not want to do it, but it's for your own good, it's for the good of someone else, and maybe someone will finally learn something out of it, finally hear you. And somehow in the end, even though you win, you'll feel disappointed. And you'll try not to let it get to you, and you'll try not to cry about it. But, as a good friend taught me, you did the right thing.

I know some people better than they realize, and sometimes better than they know themselves-- to the point where it gets frustrating that they can't see what I do... (And I know things about people that would make them cringe...) I don't talk because it's more interesting to listen, and when you're listening closely enough, you can see the things others miss, even about themselves. I know more about myself than I ever wished to know. I love to overanalyze things, tear them apart piece by piece to extract every bit of information that I can (provided I have the time and energy...). I never believed I was smart, growing up. I've always been different, but I don't know that it's intelligence. Even now that I've taken and scored highly on IQ tests I have serious doubts. I like studying and learning is all that is. I love logic and knowledge and discovering things. I was never the pretty, popular girl. I didn't care about things like that. I grew up in a home where great was never good enough. Still isn't. Living the life I want, that which makes me happy, also makes me a disappointment in their eyes, even though I've given up a lot of things to make them happy... It shouldn't matter, but things are so complicated. Many of my friends don't know or understand my home life. They could never. It's safer to be far away...

Why is it that things are finally getting better, but everything else around me is getting so much worse? Why does that always happen? So very weird. Everything is a balancing act, yet somehow for once the scales seem tipped in my favor -- despite having a demanding job (with few benefits...), wanting so badly to move out, & other things that need not be mentioned... On the other hand, just heard that tea partiers somehow spread to England. Why, who knows, but nothing they do or say makes any sense to me or most of my friends anyway, so I don't know that we should care/ get worried yet. I think perhaps Europeans, overall, are probably much smarter than Americans. Things will work out. Arizona - now that's a can of worms on its own. Good news is that some even the most radical conservatives (some with influence or TV connections) think it's over the top too and might lead to profiling. So maybe that's something we can all work on together, instead of dividing the country between conservatives and liberals. (Although I have to admit, sometimes that really sounds like a good option. Because sometimes, breaking up is better for both parties... You get what you want/need, without sacrificing more than you should for each other or killing each other in the process. It seems safer that way... No one gets hurt. Because you're better off without each other. Even if you have to force the separation by any means necessary other than bloodshed, it's probably for your own good, and you'll see that someday. Sort of like saying,"I love you (platonically), but we can't be friends anymore. We had a second chance, and it didn't work. I'm sorry, and it hurts, but it's for the best.") It's tough... We all want similar things (for the most part), we just have very different philosophies on how to get them. Though I find that I have much more respect for the reasonable, practical people than the "wingnuts/moonbats". (Yes, even liberals can also be outrageous! Most of us aren't, but there are some.)

Yet another close friend has joined that group... A "prayer" joke wishing for someone's death... So very disappointed... As I always say, free speech, you have every right, etc etc, but you will be judged... You're still responsible for what you say/do... I am. And tonight I will pay the agreed upon price... for the last time.

goodbye old friend
peace be with you
may it follow wherever
you want it to
if it becomes a burden
and you long for sin
rest assured I'll never
turn you in
Goodbye old friend
peace be with you

--Tom Flannery.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

How to Be Civil When You Really Just Want to Say... "Go F*ck Yourself."

Let's get away from messy politics for a while, shall we? Things are starting to look up... I hope. (Funny how the idea of hope scares some people... so sad.) This next part will be difficult, but I am removing all things "fake" or "annoying" from my life, including some people... Everyone has a "mean girl" side. Time for mine to come out to play... [would consider adding a wink here, but thanks to Sarah Palin... ugh. It's come to the point where just seeing or hearing her fake folksy screeching makes me physically sick. Will someone please explain to me why a person who advocates drilling in a protected nature reserve, and killing as many wolves as possible and offering a reward for each severed limb you bring in, gets a nature show on the most popular educational science channel on American TV? Why does money rule the world here? We are well aware that she has no interest whatsoever in protecting nature and wildlife. She thinks animals were created to go with mashed potatoes. She has said this herself. We also know that she will be paid handsomely for each of the 8 expected episodes, not to mention the publicity from the air time... We get why she's interested in the show, but why are they interested in her? The group that previewed the pilot thought it was hilariously pathetic, and thousands have been boycotting not only the network but all of their sponsors... Few people have said they would even bother to watch the show, or that they're looking forward to it. So very strange, this world...]

Most of my closest friends know how hard it is for me to say the things I really want to say, especially when it's something... not so nice. As you can probably tell if you read the rest of this blog, I tend to be very passive aggressive. I do it sometimes, but I really don't like to say things in anger, or hurt anyone's feelings. It's easier for me to write things from a distance than to see someone's face when I have to deliver bad news... I absolutely hate it... Part of the problem, as I've learned, is that I just feel too much empathy. (Seriously... I want an off switch. I actually miss apathy. If I see anyone hurt or crying, it's all over. I'll be there bawling for hours, even if they just skinned a knee... True story-- I was fighting back tears after finishing Jak 3... Such a sweet, sad ending!!! [hold on, I need a tissue... not kidding] Also, I went to my first wake 2 weeks ago. Regardless of how creepy it was to be in a tiny room with the dead body of a family friend, it was kind of nice... No one was crying, thank FSM, but my mother packed tons of tissues just in case... I don't think it would've been enough though...)

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt." -- Abraham Lincoln. It's a nice way of saying "if you have no idea what you're talking about, shut the fuck up before we really think you're stupid." Unfortunately, many people don't consider this when they speak. (Lucky for me, I have pre-publish feedback!) Now, most of us don't go around telling our "friends" and family members how stupid we think they are sometimes, but I wonder if maybe sometimes we should, instead of the obligatory awkward chuckle and eye roll. Maybe that would finally get the message through ... But instead, just chuckle and smile. They'll think you're laughing with them, although you're really laughing at them inside. Everyone's happy.

This sounds quite a bit harsher than intended. The truth of the matter is, it's exhausting to be nice and civil when you don't want to be, especially when it's just not working. Trying to be civil to someone who thinks it's constructive to call someone names instead of trying to explain logically why they support or oppose something is just... It gets tiring. (Name-calling only gets you so far. Eventually, you have to come up with some sort of fact...) And no matter how much you support non-violence, eventually you feel like you want to just shake them (or worse). I've dealt with people ranting about death panels and evil terror plots to steal our underwear and take away our babies (don't ask, I'd swear in court that person was suffering from some sort of psychosis...), and how the world is going to end at the hands of this horrible socialist, anti-patriot, tax-loving Muslim jihadist regime. [insert eye roll, chuckle]. Chill. Take a deep breath, and explain, for the love of Pete, where you came up with such a nonsensical idea. Because really, the rest of us would like to know whose name to write on the bottle of schizophrenia pills.

See? The trick is to say it calmly, like you're serious. Though in all honesty, you probably are. And in all honesty, I think it's quite likely that wherever talk like that came from, the original owner probably doesn't even believe it unless they really are suffering from a psychotic break down (possibly due to drugs, whether recreational or prescription...). Take a certain radio talk show host for example. He's in it for the money - he makes MILLIONS off of stuff like that, marketing fear and panic to the gullible and naive. We've seen the silly things he tries to sell as an affiliate - things like portable Freedom Gardens (so you can have food after the apocalypse, when our President bans fishing and locks the country's rods in his closet...), and all sorts of weaponry. Really? C'mon, you can't seriously believe he's serious about any of it. Cashing in on chaos...

Fox News is pure evil, what many of us "lovingly" refer to as "a channel of somewhat psychotic, lying, fear-mongering, sniveling, money-grubbing imbeciles who peddle violent, racist opinions and call it news, for naive, gullible people who clearly can't or don't want to think for themselves..." How's that for hate. But I wouldn't say that to a Fox watcher... Well, I've never said it to anyone. Why bother? Those of us who believe that Fox isn't exactly truthful know that those who think it is will likely never believe it isn't, even though we tell them and provide evidence. And surely there is some good in Fox News. Somewhere. Maybe a teeny tiny bit of something somewhere, shoved aside in the darkest corner of their basement. But it's probably there. There's always some good in everything. Even when it seems impossible, you have to try to find the good. Those "friends" I mentioned - I don't think they're all necessarily bad people. Even one who... well, who he is isn't important, but he said something really hurtful to me and so on. I'm still annoyed. But that doesn't mean he's a bad person. He has a lot of good qualities. We can be civil and end things on a good note. I tried to do the same with another, was working on trying to come up with a nice response to an annoying message; however said person assumed an away message of mine (lyrics to Crossfade's "Already Gone") was intended for her (when it was certainly not), and so on, and sent me a message about it. And yea, that annoyed me (the assumption more so than the message), but I decided to just let it all go and move on. We have quite a lot of history, so I know she's not a bad person overall, and it's not worth fighting over. We've grown apart, it happens, it shows, whatever. No need to make it a big deal. Deep breath, let it out, anger gone. Isn't it nice? If you have nothing nice to say, (or I suppose if you have something really mean... because you can say something nice but still say something mean), just don't say anything. Something we learn in preschool, yet doesn't seem to stick past 3rd grade. Not that you should ever internalize your emotions... Take it from me, it's just as bad as if you started screaming at the person. Never lose control. In a shouting match with Glenn Beck, do you think you'd win? He'd think it would be the one who screams the loudest. He will yell whatever he can at you, to trip you up and agitate you and get you upset. His target is emotion, not logic or intellect. He, and his audience, would no doubt declare him the winner. At the end of the day, will he have won? No. What has he learned? Nothing. What has he accomplished? Nothing but tiring himself out. The winner would be the calm, quiet one who actually makes sense, knows what he or she is talking about, and never loses focus. So never lose control.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Go Go Argumentum Ad Hominem!

[Sigh] Today I'm going to be conceited and talk about my life. I'll try not to do it again.

Today was one hell of a day. And I mean that quite literally. Today has been hell and isn't looking to get much better. There are approximately 3 people I never want to speak to again, because they are all insensitive, ignorant jerks but that's beside the point. Right now, I don't feel like saying what I was going to talk about today, so... Oh well. There's one song that's playing in my mind over and over again for the past 16 hours. "Already Gone" by Crossfade. Look it up if you want... It's just that I've been hurt and disappointed by so many people in my life, to the point where I began to believe that it's pointless to hope, it's pointless to expect good things, or that you'll ever matter to them. Skinner effect, learned helplessness, etc. "I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts.Forgetting comes easy. I never cared at all. Hurt became hate. Now I'm feeling the strain. There's just too much pain." I expect too much out of people, especially friends. I expect them to treat me, and others, with respect. No strings attached... Though is that really too much to ask? I really want certain people to stop trying to talk to me. He's an idiot. I don't think that word is used often enough. Idiot. GO ad hominem attack! Idiot.

Now, I mentioned in my mini-rant this morning that I found out that a few of my friends are complete jerks. Many people know about what happened to governor Christie - you know, that stupid "prayer" death wish joke that's been passed all over the internet. I'll admit the very first time I saw it (& I don't remember whose name was plugged in at the time...), it was amusing for about a second, but it gets old fast. Joke or not, it was offensive and wrong then, it's offensive and wrong now. Only change is the "target" - President Obama. Over 1 million people have joined/fanned/liked this page on Facebook, including several friends, who also found a need to comment on it. It's odd how so few words can say so much about a person. I have never heard nor seen so much racist, hateful banter on one page, and from so many people that I know-- or rather, that I thought I knew. (Petition: Take Action @change: Tell Facebook to Delete a Fan Page Calling for the Assassination of President Barack Obama I don't want to be friends with people like that (and I'm waiting patiently for a few people to remove themselves from my friends list... by all means, go right ahead). That's why I joined the Coffee Party Movement. It's all about being civil and debating fact, vs. the nasty language used by some other movements.

I try very hard to keep politics away from my real friendships (at least, the ones where I know we disagree. Though I have moderate libertarian friends, and even one or two of my conservative friends, and we love debating politics. Depends on whether or not we both a good grasp on facts and things, so we can get into the philosophy of it too. Maybe the world is just easier when academics and intellectual types stick together... I know, I know, I'm a condescending bitch, what else is new. I'm tired of holding back, that's the whole point of this damn blog anyway.) Otherwise, it's not worth it. But I've realized in the past few years that it really does matter. Beliefs tend to define how people will act or what they say in many situations. I believe in peace, therefore I will avoid confrontation, use only words, try not to bash people (too often ^^"... only if it's well deserved, and even then there's only so far that I will go, & it will likely be a private affair), etc. For me, it's the psychology of it... A person's values, upbringing and personality are tied to their political views. That's kind of common sense... Things like maturity, empathy, rationality... I suppose as someone with a BA in psych (w00t!) those things are quite important, as they are widely believed to be the traits that separate us from animals with lower brain functioning in the medial prefrontal cortex (well, most of the brain actually, but the frontal lobe is rational processing and such, where most of these behaviors are controlled). Unfortunately, sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by what they support or oppose (and vice versa, to the point where I can guess how someone will likely feel about something just from everyday language and behavior), but to me, what's even more important, is their train of logic. How do they come to these conclusions? Can they look at something objectively and judge based on merit, or is it regurgitation of lies, nasty comments, etc? I was amused last night while watching a video of tea-partiers. It was hilarious, to say the least. (Nothing made any sense whatsoever... If you're going to contradict yourself and everyone around you, you might want to at least put it in a separate sentence lest we think you don't know what you're talking about. Just a thought.). One comment really stood out to me. A woman was saying that it was important to stay away from the useless rhetoric, to find fact and reason through the banter and jargon to make an educated, intelligent opinion. And I thought to myself, "yes!" Except for the fact that she believed she was getting real facts from Fox News, and insisted that a real, proven fact about tax cuts was a lie because Fox told her it was a lie (despite overwhelming evidence). Keep trying, hon. Almost got it.

I spend a lot of time talking with one friend in particular. Last night, I mentioned trying to remember what life was like before all of this... Before the world seemed so crazy and somewhat out of control. And how weird it all was during the Bush years, even without the obvious ranting tea-party. How easy it was not to care about anything that mattered, because for all that I knew or cared, my little bubble was perfect. Someone mentioned on facebook how little day to day activities change, but you look back on life and realize just how much is always changing. I'm not that naive little kid anymore. I look relatively the same, but everything's different. My friends are different, my family is different, my room, my clothes, my entire life. I've been to 2 foreign countries, one of which was on the other side of the world and for 5.5 months. I finally own a car. I have a job I decidedly don't love (it's something I tolerate... content for the time being, I suppose), and I'm looking to move out on my own (sans roommate. There's only 2 people I'd ever consider moving in with, ever, and 1 of them is as picky about other people as I am). My best friends I haven't really known all that long, less than 2 years for one of them, but it's like we've known each other forever. And my childhood friends, well technically we're still in contact with each other, but we've been losing touch over the years... And in some cases, that's actually for the best. It's been weird growing apart (and as was the case for the last few months, intentionally pushing away...), but it feels like a whole new chapter of my life. I went abroad to leave the old me behind forever. I was actually looking to move there if I could. I know they say you can't run away from your past, but if it's already behind you, why not? All we have is the present and future. "If I could change, I would. Take back the shame, I would. Replace every wrong move that I made, I would." (Linkin Park). I can. I did. I am. It's called moving forward. Change is good. We make mistakes, we learn from them and move on.

 (lol, this makes me feel a little bit better, even if it's just a stupid quiz...)
Your result for The Are You a BAD PERSON? Test...

Goodness Itself!

WOW!!!  You are 96% Good!
You are a good, wonderful person.  No two ways about it.  You are so good that you should be given a medal and a fluffy cape!  And put on a pedestal!  With PONIES!!!!!!!
Just don't let my praise go to your head!  Keep doing what you are doing, and message me if you liked this test!  :}
Take The Are You a BAD PERSON? Test at OkCupid

randomly googled "bad person"... I was thinking, just because someone does things I don't like doesn't make them a bad person of course, but just what constitutes being a bad person? And I'm a quiz fiend, so... yea... The site kind of freaks me out (so many weird memories) but technically I was using the quizzes there long before I created a profile to save my quiz results... & ended up talking to people. Best and worst thing I could have done for myself I suppose... Ah, damn... Ok, so I kind of feel bad for Palin right now... I would feel worse for her if she wasn't such an opportunistic, lying bitch, but either way... No one's private emails should be shared with the world. Believe me, I know how that feels... People who think it's ok to do that are real jerks... (And apparently "jerk" is the word of the day, since I don't feel like using anything stronger... I'll be nice today.)

tired but mini-rant

typing this from my ipod, so please forgive the lack of caps. have work in a few hours, but i'm kind of freaked out, like i'm about to have a panic attack... today is going to hurt like hell, but it's what i need, so... if this is what it takes...

anyway, news on the healthcare front - it might not work out financially, despite the cbo's earlier analysis. disheartening, to say the least. i don't know what's going to happen, but it can't be good. this law was our start to a brighter future. we need to finish it. but the country has been dragged so far right that the voices of progressives are always being drowned out... what disgusts me even more is that i can't help but notice how much the social landscape has changed since the bush era, or even clinton. it's weird that i'm not old enough to remember past that. facebook especially is creeping me out. i guess it just made it easier to realize how many complete jerks you know, from those who advocate rape and torture, to those who "like" pages about murder and death threats, to those who advocate hatred and violence. i was thinking yesterday about how i used to be naive like that... the whole us vs them mentality was all there was to the world; that because i don't like something, or i think it will have a negative effect on me, it can't possibly be good for anyone else or have any redeeming qualities... to think that i used to watch fox, before i realized consequently how little i really knew about the world, how much there still is to know. back when i was a naive little anarchist rebel without a cause... i never really knew what that meant. what was i fighting for? i can't even remember. it was then that i declared i was a communist, trapped in the fascist police state that is the catholic school system (which it totally is, lol). i wanted to show the world what real freedom was... but have i ever really known real freedom?  and to think that i know people who still think so childishly like that, & believe the entire world should revolve around their own idea of morality, that because it conflicts with their worldview it can't be allowed to exist, even if that will hurt or continue to hurt others. so naive, stubborn, egocentric, childish... ignorant. though when did i become so old? when did i give up punk rock? i know that i've grown up so much since those days... god i was so naive back then... in so many ways. and people think i'm shy and quiet now... though if there was anything i would want to tell my 15yr old self, it's to never let ANYONE get in your way of happiness. those who will stand by you, those who will never betray you, those are the people to keep by your side. do not trust anyone but yourself- your heart and your mind are your greatest weapons. (also, never send a suicide note by email if you can't actually go through with it 5 minutes after you hit send. it doesn't work out well, and ends up being the one thing you can never forgive someone else for sharing and permanently destroying your trust and in a lot of ways your friendship, even though you'll try very hard over the next few years to forgive and forget. you will eventually, for a short time, but you shouldn't.)

the fact that politics has become such a huge part of our social discourse is both a blessing and a curse. you can see who your friends really are on the inside. apparently some of mine are rude, insensitive, racist jerks. so thank you, facebook. i think when i get home today i will likely end up finishing at least one of the posts i've been working on. you know, being nice to people you don't like. to some extent, no more. i'm tired of rude and inconsiderate people in my life. i'm tired of fighting. i'm tired of tea party morons (the guy on the daily show was a nice change of pace) and repub vs democrats and independents lumped in with conservatives. i am not a conservative, and while i believe everyone is certainly entitled to their own beliefs, i personally find a lot of conservative viewpoints to be quite sickening. mostly because they're often so unbelievably hypocritical or just downright cruel. whatever. (deja vu all of a sudden... have i done this before? did i forget something?) i'm tired of keeping people in my life when i find them to be more annoying and draining than anything else. one thing i've been trying to figure out is telling someone i can no longer stand to just fuck off, without causing a major fiasco. everything with this person feels like a fiasco. there are too many people who drive me crazy, even without the craziness of politics in the picture. and if that means i have to be a bitch to get my life back, so be it.

well, now i feel slightly better, & i'm exhausted... random rants always help i suppose. will i regret this in the morning? likely not. i've given up caring for lent. good night.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Happy Earth Day!

First of all, happy earth day! I have thoroughly exhausted myself with the garden (dug a 7 foot diameter hole through grass and thick roots... somehow I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing for Earth Day...), had to deal with hundreds of flying ants that suddenly appeared, and bees... lots of bees... It's been an adventurous morning. I don't do well with certain aspects of nature ^^". I'm more of a "hike through the woods, walking barefoot through flowery meadows, eating pretty berries, romping/swimming/floating along in the ocean" kind of nature girl. Not bugs, not bees, and not moving giant piles of dirt around. But it was fun, and the broccoli is in the ground. The strawberries are turning a light shade of pink already - they're getting huge too! I think they'll be ready within the next week. Yay!

So in the midst of all of that, I completely missed President Obama's financial reform speech. I've read a few live blogs of the speech, and I found a transcript on, so will be reading that eventually...

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Updates, as promised.

Like I said, all I had to do was get a job, and everything else would fall into place. I know hold in my hands (well, put down while typing) the keys to my very own car-- my first. Granted, it's about as old as my youngest sister and lacks even a cassette player, but it runs great and will be getting a few changes to reduce emissions, and a paint job eventually. (The interior smells like island coconut, so I might need to deal with that too... Nice & beachy, but I hate pina coladas...) Can't drive it yet  (no license plate or insurance) but once that's taken care of this weekend...

One of the main reasons I could so easily identify with Captain Jack Sparrow was his thirst for freedom... To him, a ship = freedom. And like a true pirate, now that I have my ship, I'm finally free to explore the world ^^" (walking takes too long, and my bike seriously needs a new seat... ouch...). Today was a very lucky day indeed. (I literally saw the car for the first time walking home today from work, & it's a miracle that it fit within our price range AND mileage limit, and was being sold at KBB value. That was a tiny little margin... but now it's mine! Even if it is an American car, with a faded "proud to be an American" flag on the side, bought from a rather cute but smoking guy with a huge pitbull and a pickup truck...  My idiot dad saw said things after I mentioned the damn flag sticker (& how I wanted to replace it with an Obama/Nader sticker or socialist sign for the hell of it, lol...) & suggested they could be tea partiers... Quite an unnecessary, stereotypical comment... But they were very nice, honest people, so really, who cares? I can go places whenever I want to!) Ok, back to politics!

Ok, so maybe it's not so bad...

I suppose I should look at these changes not as a complete sellout (which it certainly feels like) but as an example of my willingness to keep an open mind... I have to say, as annoying as I find it, it's been the easiest way to share and update things, and I figured out how to make the Facebook hacks actually work- which would have been close to impossible without twitter. So I suppose it does have some merits. My account is private, so what you see on the side is all there is for the most part. Now to figure out how to get care2 and updates here as well, and we're in business!

In other news, life is looking up. Been working (!!!) for the past 2 weeks,and tomorrow, Earth day, I will be turning my myriad of veggie plants into a proper garden. Still car shopping and debating grad school and moving out, but so far... Eh. Anyway, enough about me! There's so much going on in the world... Will be back later to update, as I have to go work now!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Free Book!

I can honestly say I've never tried the stuff, but I've done quite a bit of research on it (particularly the links of usage to the development of psychosis or schizophrenia). I've never been drunk either, but I know from experience that it's easier and safer to deal with people who are high than those who are drunk. Potheads don't really do all that much except try to steal your kit-kats. Drunk people and alcoholics try to attack you or start a fight, or (College was... interesting.) So Happy 420 to those of you who do partake, don't drive or operate machinery (even if no one has ever died from pot alone...) and try to remember not to destroy the kitchen; and for the rest of us content to research and help prove for the sake of medicine that it's actually helpful and relatively harmless compared to things that are currently legal, I present to you a book I've been wanting to read -- free for an entire 24 hours, to download, to share, etc. (Use Facebook Connect if you don't have a Scribd account. It's faster. Enjoy!)

Fox, Arventano, and & Tvert's "Marijuana is Safer: So Why are We Driving People to Drink?"

 And should you want to purchase the book: Marijuana is Safer: So Why Are We Driving People to Drink?

And original article - on


This may very well be the most depressing day of my life [not really]. I've tried everything to get my Facebook updates linked here (without using FB connect, which would just show far too much private information) but the [insert expletive plural noun] over at FB decided to hide status subscriptions and it's been so much of a hassle already... It's impossible without a "middle-person." My only option is the despicable "Twitter." It seems that I've finally found a use for it after all... But I can't type in 140 characters or less!!! Even my away messages are getting long again. So I haven't a clue how this will work out, and I certainly will not be wasting time following or whatever. The only reason I even tried to do any of this is because I'm turning FB into politics and causes, since most of the friends I actually talk to regularly are no longer active users (or I talk to them by other means) and the fan pages have taken over anyway-- and as a result, most of my status updates and links have nothing to do with my life in particular, but are just articles and things I find and comment on. And since the only rolling comment/link app I could really find is... well, you know, I've come to the conclusion that I'll try it out for the sake of trying something new to get what I need... Regrettable, and shameful (lol) but here goes...

Sunday, April 11, 2010

New features!

Hey everyone! I'm giving the site a new upgrade, since I've found so much cool stuff on to share with you! Still waiting for my new gadgets to load (so far, not so good, Amazon... I'm a little disappointed!), but expect to see tons of new features on this coming soon. (Though I'm kind of disgusted by the current search results that are coming up... All super-conservative liberal bashing... What's up with that, Amazon???) I needed a new project anyway ^^".  So first of all, some of my friends may note that I've been talking about several sites and books on Facebook, especially "How to Win a Fight with a Conservative"  by Daniel Kurtzman. I haven't been able to find this book in stores, however it's available on for less than $10.

Friday, April 2, 2010


So frustrated with certain things that I didn't bother to finish up my last post on healthcare. But seeing as people (including "repeal!" people) are finally moving on and accepting that it's law now, I don't feel like bringing it up. And you know what, I don't really want to talk about drilling either. Yes, I've been an environmentalist for quite a long time now. Yes, I am adamantly against drilling. Yes, I did say that this would likely be grounds for deciding my 2012 vote. But no, that absolutely not mean I'm going to start bashing anyone. I voted for this President, because I believe(d) he had a lot of the same principles as I do. And he has proven that, for the most part, he does. I can't support drilling because it goes against my principles. My loyalties lie with plans and issues, not people, sorry. I do get some of the rationale of this "idea," whether I agree with it or not, and I've said it before-- Obama is a centrist not a progressive. We knew he supported drilling before we elected him. Yes, it was a promise I was hoping he wouldn't keep. But whatever, I'll stick to my peaceful protest, thanks. And hey, if things aren't so bad, maybe he'll still have my vote. Principles above all else, including friends... or "not-friends."

On the home front, things are... painful as usual. Why is it that when you ask for space, or for people to just back off, no one ever listens? Ever? I haven't played video games (but bought "new" ones), or baked anything in a really long time, so I'm rather on edge. Do not mess with me. If I don't want to talk, do not try to force me. I try very hard to be nice to people (with the obvious exception of mocking stupidity in a private setting... It's the only thing that makes it easier to tolerate, plus diminishes it at the same time ;-) lol...) but I'm growing quite tired of this again... So next post will be about being nice to people...