Today was one hell of a day. And I mean that quite literally. Today has been hell and isn't looking to get much better. There are approximately 3 people I never want to speak to again, because they are all insensitive, ignorant jerks but that's beside the point. Right now, I don't feel like saying what I was going to talk about today, so... Oh well. There's one song that's playing in my mind over and over again for the past 16 hours. "Already Gone" by Crossfade. Look it up if you want... It's just that I've been hurt and disappointed by so many people in my life, to the point where I began to believe that it's pointless to hope, it's pointless to expect good things, or that you'll ever matter to them. Skinner effect, learned helplessness, etc. "I will not waste a moment thinking these thoughts.Forgetting comes easy. I never cared at all. Hurt became hate. Now I'm feeling the strain. There's just too much pain." I expect too much out of people, especially friends. I expect them to treat me, and others, with respect. No strings attached... Though is that really too much to ask? I really want certain people to stop trying to talk to me. He's an idiot. I don't think that word is used often enough. Idiot. GO ad hominem attack! Idiot.
Now, I mentioned in my mini-rant this morning that I found out that a few of my friends are complete jerks. Many people know about what happened to governor Christie - you know, that stupid "prayer" death wish joke that's been passed all over the internet. I'll admit the very first time I saw it (& I don't remember whose name was plugged in at the time...), it was amusing for about a second, but it gets old fast. Joke or not, it was offensive and wrong then, it's offensive and wrong now. Only change is the "target" - President Obama. Over 1 million people have joined/fanned/liked this page on Facebook, including several friends, who also found a need to comment on it. It's odd how so few words can say so much about a person. I have never heard nor seen so much racist, hateful banter on one page, and from so many people that I know-- or rather, that I thought I knew. (Petition: Take Action @change: Tell Facebook to Delete a Fan Page Calling for the Assassination of President Barack Obama http://bit.ly/bGu6QK) I don't want to be friends with people like that (and I'm waiting patiently for a few people to remove themselves from my friends list... by all means, go right ahead). That's why I joined the Coffee Party Movement. It's all about being civil and debating fact, vs. the nasty language used by some other movements.
I try very hard to keep politics away from my real friendships (at least, the ones where I know we disagree. Though I have moderate libertarian friends, and even one or two of my conservative friends, and we love debating politics. Depends on whether or not we both a good grasp on facts and things, so we can get into the philosophy of it too. Maybe the world is just easier when academics and intellectual types stick together... I know, I know, I'm a condescending bitch, what else is new. I'm tired of holding back, that's the whole point of this damn blog anyway.) Otherwise, it's not worth it. But I've realized in the past few years that it really does matter. Beliefs tend to define how people will act or what they say in many situations. I believe in peace, therefore I will avoid confrontation, use only words, try not to bash people (too often ^^"... only if it's well deserved, and even then there's only so far that I will go, & it will likely be a private affair), etc. For me, it's the psychology of it... A person's values, upbringing and personality are tied to their political views. That's kind of common sense... Things like maturity, empathy, rationality... I suppose as someone with a BA in psych (w00t!) those things are quite important, as they are widely believed to be the traits that separate us from animals with lower brain functioning in the medial prefrontal cortex (well, most of the brain actually, but the frontal lobe is rational processing and such, where most of these behaviors are controlled). Unfortunately, sometimes you can tell a lot about a person by what they support or oppose (and vice versa, to the point where I can guess how someone will likely feel about something just from everyday language and behavior), but to me, what's even more important, is their train of logic. How do they come to these conclusions? Can they look at something objectively and judge based on merit, or is it regurgitation of lies, nasty comments, etc? I was amused last night while watching a video of tea-partiers. It was hilarious, to say the least. (Nothing made any sense whatsoever... If you're going to contradict yourself and everyone around you, you might want to at least put it in a separate sentence lest we think you don't know what you're talking about. Just a thought.). One comment really stood out to me. A woman was saying that it was important to stay away from the useless rhetoric, to find fact and reason through the banter and jargon to make an educated, intelligent opinion. And I thought to myself, "yes!" Except for the fact that she believed she was getting real facts from Fox News, and insisted that a real, proven fact about tax cuts was a lie because Fox told her it was a lie (despite overwhelming evidence). Keep trying, hon. Almost got it.
I spend a lot of time talking with one friend in particular. Last night, I mentioned trying to remember what life was like before all of this... Before the world seemed so crazy and somewhat out of control. And how weird it all was during the Bush years, even without the obvious ranting tea-party. How easy it was not to care about anything that mattered, because for all that I knew or cared, my little bubble was perfect. Someone mentioned on facebook how little day to day activities change, but you look back on life and realize just how much is always changing. I'm not that naive little kid anymore. I look relatively the same, but everything's different. My friends are different, my family is different, my room, my clothes, my entire life. I've been to 2 foreign countries, one of which was on the other side of the world and for 5.5 months. I finally own a car. I have a job I decidedly don't love (it's something I tolerate... content for the time being, I suppose), and I'm looking to move out on my own (sans roommate. There's only 2 people I'd ever consider moving in with, ever, and 1 of them is as picky about other people as I am). My best friends I haven't really known all that long, less than 2 years for one of them, but it's like we've known each other forever. And my childhood friends, well technically we're still in contact with each other, but we've been losing touch over the years... And in some cases, that's actually for the best. It's been weird growing apart (and as was the case for the last few months, intentionally pushing away...), but it feels like a whole new chapter of my life. I went abroad to leave the old me behind forever. I was actually looking to move there if I could. I know they say you can't run away from your past, but if it's already behind you, why not? All we have is the present and future. "If I could change, I would. Take back the shame, I would. Replace every wrong move that I made, I would." (Linkin Park). I can. I did. I am. It's called moving forward. Change is good. We make mistakes, we learn from them and move on.
(lol, this makes me feel a little bit better, even if it's just a stupid quiz...)
Your result for The Are You a BAD PERSON? Test...
Goodness Itself!
WOW!!! You are 96% Good!You are a good, wonderful person. No two ways about it. You are so good that you should be given a medal and a fluffy cape! And put on a pedestal! With PONIES!!!!!!!
Just don't let my praise go to your head! Keep doing what you are doing, and message me if you liked this test! :}
Take The Are You a BAD PERSON? Test at OkCupidJust don't let my praise go to your head! Keep doing what you are doing, and message me if you liked this test! :}
randomly googled "bad person"... I was thinking, just because someone does things I don't like doesn't make them a bad person of course, but just what constitutes being a bad person? And I'm a quiz fiend, so... yea... The site kind of freaks me out (so many weird memories) but technically I was using the quizzes there long before I created a profile to save my quiz results... & ended up talking to people. Best and worst thing I could have done for myself I suppose... Ah, damn... Ok, so I kind of feel bad for Palin right now... I would feel worse for her if she wasn't such an opportunistic, lying bitch, but either way... No one's private emails should be shared with the world. Believe me, I know how that feels... People who think it's ok to do that are real jerks... (And apparently "jerk" is the word of the day, since I don't feel like using anything stronger... I'll be nice today.)
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