Monday, April 26, 2010


Ok, was trying to sleep, but one last thing. Again, no politics tonight. Not much, at least.

Today's theme has been disappointment.

Virgo Daily Single's Horoscope -
"You need to cut someone a little slack, even if they just used their last get-out-of-jail-free card. Instead of getting mad about the recent string of slights, it’s time to do something about them."

-_-" Oh alright, fine. Something done. And that something will be nothing but this and all that follows (since I'm assuming it's safe to tell the truth now.) Sometimes it's better to be mean if it means that something good will come of it. I mean, one should never have to be mean, but sometimes it's the only way... And it sucks, and it hurts, and you might not want to do it, but it's for your own good, it's for the good of someone else, and maybe someone will finally learn something out of it, finally hear you. And somehow in the end, even though you win, you'll feel disappointed. And you'll try not to let it get to you, and you'll try not to cry about it. But, as a good friend taught me, you did the right thing.

I know some people better than they realize, and sometimes better than they know themselves-- to the point where it gets frustrating that they can't see what I do... (And I know things about people that would make them cringe...) I don't talk because it's more interesting to listen, and when you're listening closely enough, you can see the things others miss, even about themselves. I know more about myself than I ever wished to know. I love to overanalyze things, tear them apart piece by piece to extract every bit of information that I can (provided I have the time and energy...). I never believed I was smart, growing up. I've always been different, but I don't know that it's intelligence. Even now that I've taken and scored highly on IQ tests I have serious doubts. I like studying and learning is all that is. I love logic and knowledge and discovering things. I was never the pretty, popular girl. I didn't care about things like that. I grew up in a home where great was never good enough. Still isn't. Living the life I want, that which makes me happy, also makes me a disappointment in their eyes, even though I've given up a lot of things to make them happy... It shouldn't matter, but things are so complicated. Many of my friends don't know or understand my home life. They could never. It's safer to be far away...

Why is it that things are finally getting better, but everything else around me is getting so much worse? Why does that always happen? So very weird. Everything is a balancing act, yet somehow for once the scales seem tipped in my favor -- despite having a demanding job (with few benefits...), wanting so badly to move out, & other things that need not be mentioned... On the other hand, just heard that tea partiers somehow spread to England. Why, who knows, but nothing they do or say makes any sense to me or most of my friends anyway, so I don't know that we should care/ get worried yet. I think perhaps Europeans, overall, are probably much smarter than Americans. Things will work out. Arizona - now that's a can of worms on its own. Good news is that some even the most radical conservatives (some with influence or TV connections) think it's over the top too and might lead to profiling. So maybe that's something we can all work on together, instead of dividing the country between conservatives and liberals. (Although I have to admit, sometimes that really sounds like a good option. Because sometimes, breaking up is better for both parties... You get what you want/need, without sacrificing more than you should for each other or killing each other in the process. It seems safer that way... No one gets hurt. Because you're better off without each other. Even if you have to force the separation by any means necessary other than bloodshed, it's probably for your own good, and you'll see that someday. Sort of like saying,"I love you (platonically), but we can't be friends anymore. We had a second chance, and it didn't work. I'm sorry, and it hurts, but it's for the best.") It's tough... We all want similar things (for the most part), we just have very different philosophies on how to get them. Though I find that I have much more respect for the reasonable, practical people than the "wingnuts/moonbats". (Yes, even liberals can also be outrageous! Most of us aren't, but there are some.)

Yet another close friend has joined that group... A "prayer" joke wishing for someone's death... So very disappointed... As I always say, free speech, you have every right, etc etc, but you will be judged... You're still responsible for what you say/do... I am. And tonight I will pay the agreed upon price... for the last time.

goodbye old friend
peace be with you
may it follow wherever
you want it to
if it becomes a burden
and you long for sin
rest assured I'll never
turn you in
Goodbye old friend
peace be with you

--Tom Flannery.

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