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Not that anyone would know (or care) about this, but I haven't been posting as often as I wanted to due to some personal stuff. And odds are, I won't be until I can get my head back in order. Sick relatives and acquaintances, utterly confusing *feelings* and such, intolerable mood swings and depression, and spending far too much time anxious and terrified of everything -- yeah, kind of not a good time for me right now. Honestly, I think I just need to get out more, but... well, that's kind of a big part of the problem.
And then I see the headlines in the news... and I wonder if the hopelessness really is just all me or if I'm just seeing the world as it is again. "Pennsylvania Man Set Ablaze by Friends for Being Gay" is the latest I've seen. And I hear that the war is finally coming to an end? A) I'll believe it when I see it; B) it's about fucking time; C) it never should have been started to begin with.
I keep reminding myself that there's still something good in the world, keep listing all the things I still love-- I love my fandoms, I love my wifey, I love Halloween, I love my ships, I love the friends I think I still have (these days, I'm not always so sure...)-- just to keep from slipping, but... I wonder if that will ever be enough.
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