Wednesday, September 28, 2011

#Glee's Quinn Fabray and Shelby Corcoran on the Adoption of Beth

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I'm cross-posting this from Tumblr, because I feel like there are points made there that are kind of relevant to "everyday life"... This is about tonight's (er, last night's... Tuesday night's) episode of Glee. So SPOILER ALERT if you care about that kind of thing. What this has to do with: Adoption, rights, and families.

(Background: in Season 1, Quinn Fabray was pressured into sleeping with Noah Puckerman. 4 episodes in, we found out she was pregnant. After a long, messy thing I don't feel like explaining, Quinn decides she's giving the baby up for adoption. To whom is irrelevant right now. Anyway, we meet Shelby, who is the head vocal coach of a rival show choir and the birth mother of the "main character" Rachel Berry [Lea Michele]. Shelby regretted giving Rachel up for adoption, but realized that she missed her chance to see Rachel grow up. Quinn and Puck's daughter Beth is born at the end of the season, and Shelby adopts her. Beth wasn't really mentioned during Season 2. Now, Episode 2 of Season 3, we see Quinn dealing with it all, now that Shelby -- and Beth-- are back in Lima, and Shelby wants Quinn to be involved.)

What I said during the liveblogging: "That's not fair at all. Neither what Shelby said OR what Quinn said. This is why I really didn't want them to bring up Beth again." I don't see this ending well. Complicated subject/situation, so...

tl;dr - It feels like: Shelby's forcing Quinn to deal with what I've dubbed "the Beth situation" because Shelby has her own issues (re: giving up Rachel) and she's deciding to force them onto Quinn. And it feels like Quinn thinks that since she's the Birth Mother, she somehow has the right to take Beth away from her mom just because she regrets the adoption. A year later. And somehow I'm supposed to believe that all of this is ok and "zomg creys forever she just wants her baby back" when I just want to shake them both and scream STOP THAT!!! It's all sad, yeah... but kind of offensive too.

I'm REALLY  hoping that THAT is where they're going with this... They're both in the wrong, and this entire situation is ridiculous. (Realistic, but infuriating nonetheless)

Quinn/Shelby/Beth pissed me off... I don't like it when A) someone tries to shame a birth mother for giving up their child, or tells them they did the wrong thing and that they should or that they have to be a part of that child's life -- "You'll regret it."; and B) when the birth mother thinks or acts like they have more of a right to be in the child's life than the adoptive mother. Everything between them just felt like all kids of wrong... IT WAS AN ADOPTION. Quinn GAVE UP full custody and rights to Beth when she signed those papers. Yeah, if Shelby wants, Quinn can be a part of Beth's life, but it's like... It felt like she was crossing too many lines. It seemed overly rude, and hurtful, and... Just because Quinn regrets what happened doesn't mean it can just go away and go back to the way it "should have been" or whatever she thinks is going to be like. It's not that simple, and I really hope she learns that. She made a choice, for the sake of her daughter, and for herself and her future. She wanted to give Beth a better life than she could have. Beth isn't yours anymore, Quinn. You've given birth to her, but you're not her mother anymore. You cannot have Beth back. "Full custody"??? That's not how it works.

Shelby, stop rubbing it in her face like she made some massive mistake and ruined her life or something, the way you think you did. Second chances are second chances-- for the BOTH of you. Quinn thought giving up Beth would guarantee getting her old life back, and when that didn't work, she decided she wanted Beth back? That's what this feels like... I guess that's what it is. And as much as it pains me to see Quinn upset again, I just... I can't. She's gone through a lot in 3 seasons, but she does need to grow up if she thinks "full custody" is an option at this point just because she has regrets. This feels like a huge step backwards in terms of maturity... Beth is a child, a living being, not a football. You don't just get her back because you want her and you think you're responsible enough now to take care of her. She has a new family now, and to take her from that, for these reasons, is selfish. This is the real world. Adult situations, adult consequences. ... It probably sounds kind of heartless, but... I'm pretty sure we'll be around to see the massive shock she gets when she finally realizes just how true this is...

I know Quinn has a lot of regrets around the entire Beth situation, and I know it would probably make her really happy to have Beth in her life again. What I didn't like was the way this played out... So again, yeah, I really hope that there's a bigger point to this... I made another post a while back about this whole thing, back at the beginning of the hiatus. (Feels sooo long ago, doesn't it...) If Quinn doesn't want to think about her biological daughter, she doesn't have to; and it's not right to make her feel like she's a bad person because she gave Beth up or because she doesn't want to think about something that's obviously painful for her. I see that so often, and it just really makes me sad.

I feel like I can't say this enough. No one who has given up a child should ever be made to feel that way, to feel ashamed for what they did. No one should ever be told that they're supposed to think about that child every single day and never try to move on. (No, I haven't been through it, but I can imagine. I know people who have been there. And working where I do now - I know teen parents [who have given up kids], and adoptive parents, who are all working their asses off and sacrificing everything to do the best they can for their children; and it pisses me off to no end that ANYONE thinks they have the right to tell these people that they're not trying hard enough or that they've fucked up.) You think it's easy, doing something like that, giving up your child? You think it's easy making those kinds of choices, especially for teen moms?  Maybe it is easy for some people, and you know what, that's perfectly ok too- the point is, that child will have a better life with a loving family. That is the ENTIRE point.

Sorry, I'm starting to rant again... Clearly, I have a lot of feelings about this.

Oh, and speaking of adoption and families - foster kids. Stabbing. Oh my god what the fuck even... I know this show plays off of stereotypes and all, but that, and the Asperger's... Wow. Offensive things can be funny sometimes, but that was not funny; just offensive.

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