Dear Mr. President

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Dear President Obama,

Congratulations on being re-elected!

Sucks you decided to fuck up not even 24 hours later by ordering a drone attack on Yemen. Mr. President, lemme lay this out for you. I voted for you. Twice. Because my personal health and safety depends on YOU and on keeping people like Romney the fuck away from things that affect me and mine. But here's the deal - you keep talkin all this shit bout equality and a brighter future for the world while bombing little children overseas.

You listen right here. You WILL fucking stop that shit. If you think you're gonna be pullin the same damn shit you did last term, you got another think comin. If it means riots in the streets, then so be it. But fuck you if you think we will be silent.

Your administration has been responsible for some of the worst human rights offenses I may ever see in my lifetime. But you are going to fix that this term. Starting with ending drone strikes and ALL of the wars, effective immediately. You are going to change NDAA. You are going to close Guantanamo Bay and stop detaining people without just cause or due trial, and you are going to stop torturing people and ordering people secretly killed. You are going to stop deporting and criminalizing undocumented people who have been living and working in this country -- and you are going to offer them citizenship without forced military service. You are going to tell Israel to fuck off.

Now that we got that straight. They will call you an Angry Black Man regardless - so you are going to show those bastards everything you have. Prove to me that you are worth my trust. GO HARD OR GO HOME. This is your last chance as President to do what you came to do.Your last 4 years. Give us ENDA, give us the closest you can get to real universal healthcare - and not that shit you passed before, however grateful for it I may be. I want schooling to not just be more affordable, but more better. You told me I could trust you to make it better - I want to. Make sure my rights as a queer, mentally ill, POC with a uterus are protected. I am trusting you with that. For the next 4 years, I am entrusting you with my livelihood, my safety, and my future.

I don't expect you to fix everything. I don't expect you to keep every promise you ever made. And I don't expect you to be able to do it all at once, in a year, in two years, maybe not even in four. But I do expect you to be a decent human being, and I do expect you to give it your absolute best. And I'll do my best from where I'm standing. Do we have a deal?

Sincerely,
Kiely

4 MORE YEARS

Yeah, sorry, I liveblogged on Tumblr this time. But we will live! And it's time to really get shit done. No more Mr Nice Guy.

But really- more openly queer people (women! Women of color! Disabled women of color omg!!!) in Congress, a black man re-elected... We did this. This is history, this is big. And our generation saw this become a reality. If Romney had won, I would not have expected to see this for a very long time, maybe not even in my lifetime ;_; I have cried so much tonight and I am so relieved.

I'm terrified of having kids.

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[TW - Discussion of internalized racism]
Cross-posted from Tumblr.

:-\ I really hate people. This has not been a good week.

Something that's been on my mind for a while now, and while I'm sure I've tried to vocalize it many times, I just need to get it out:

I'm terrified of having kids. 

It's not even so much anymore that I'm afraid of fucking them up. Depressed, anxious, suicidal parents probably aren't... well, we'll get to that when we do.

It's everything else in the world and the fact that I won't be able to protect them from it. The fact that any POC children I may have, whether biological or adopted, will grow up facing the same prejudices and bullshit that we do now. (Because we all know that nothing will change by then. Nothing ever changes. I'm allowed to vote and a black man is the official leader of the country, but look how many hundreds of years that took.) And I see how much it fucked me up, and I fear that for my kids. I'm learning now that there are ways of circumventing that, and ways of undoing the damage, but to be perfectly honest, it can hurt just as much. Maybe more, since the first time sometimes you tend to become numb to it all. You have to, to keep it up. You try so hard to pretend it's not real, that you can be immune to it if you just try hard enough. In koolaid terms - you pretend it's like a magical potion that will make you white in their eyes, if you can drink enough. It's poisoning you, literally tearing at the very heart of you, but the more you drink it, the more they seem to like you. And the more you have to pretend it's all alright.

I don't want them to grow up being told that their natural hair is disgusting and unprofessional, that they're dirty and low class and not worth as much as a white child. I don't want my 5 year old asking me why they can't be pretty with blonde hair and blue eyes like the other kids, because all of their classmates treat them different. 5 year olds tellin kids they can't be a Disney princess because their skin's too dark and their hair's too short and it isn't straight. They learn this shit from birth. I don't want them growing up believing in whitewashed history and dead white men. My mother taught me about great black women, and other POCs, but it wasn't enough to counteract what turned out to be conservative brainwashing. (13 years of conservative Catholic schooling...) I don't want my children growing up with a massive inferiority complex. You can't even begin to comprehend this kind of self-loathing and denial.

And that's not to say that every POC will grow up to feel that way. Most probably don't. It has a lot to do with circumstance maybe, and whether they have a strong support system to keep the poison at bay. But that doesn't change the facts of the school to prison pipeline, or institutionalized racism, or whitewashing, or what white privilege feels like to someone who doesn't have it. It doesn't change the fact that all of these things mean dehumanization. It literally means that I am constantly told that my existence and the existence of people like me is not only worthless but toxic. It's my little sister telling me that she's better than me because she has lighter skin (and is therefore seen as more desirable, because she is closer to "white.") -- and then the poison is controlling you once again. Like a hallucinogen, and completely internalized. Insidious, seeping into every single inch of you, every thought, every action, until you're nothing but a token -- a prize for your oppressors. Another one claimed. Isn't that ironic...

Unlearning and detoxing is pain, but it is worth it. Everything you tried to suppress and ignore will come rushing back at you, and every careless comment made by a friend will feel like a slap in the face. (And the fact that they CAN be so careless will make it so much worse.) And it will make you angrier than you've ever been, because you are so deeply hurt and here they are acting like there was never anything wrong in the first place. That they're not still actively working to be oppressive towards you and people like you. And you start to deconstruct everything you thought you knew -- about yourself and about the world-- and you realize just how deep pain runs and just how much everyone else around you sucks. Even your friends. Especially your friends. And they mock you for knowing. They don't have to care, so why should anyone else. "You're too sensitive. Relax. You're making a big deal out of nothing." They think their opinions on your experiences mean more than your experiences ever could. And they don't see why it's wrong or hurtful. And they don't care when you try to talk about it. And they will try to tear you back down all over again -- and never think for a second that it's a part of the system. They don't understand that your need to fight back is self-preservation, your refusal to be made inferior and inhuman. It's "you have stolen everything from me and I am taking it back." It's your assertion that you are human too and they will fucking respect that.

And you will be angrier than you've ever been.

  

**************

  

So I said I was considering doing NaNo again. This is what I wanted to write about. Starting back then, what it was like. Semi-autobiographical fiction. I have a more specific plot in mind, but this is basically what it would be about.

Acceptance...

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I've been trying all day to figure out how to put this into words... this feeling, I mean. When someone literally hands you everything you've ever wanted and more, in just a few simple words. For me, it's always been acceptance - "I'll support you in anything you choose to do or be." Once, a long time ago (well, 2 years...), my father said that to me. 

And now this person tells me I'm perfect just as I am, "faults and baggage and beautiful face and all." In just a page, it's like I've fallen in love with them all over again. I think I could marry this person. For real, I mean. I really think I could. (Well, if it was legal in either of our states...) And I realized, as I brought the box inside the house, that I came home to something so wonderful... and maybe, just maybe, I could have that every day someday...

I hope she knows how much I meant what I said, too. 

I love you darling <33 span="span">

Happy Birthday to Meeeeeee

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So yeah, it's my birthday, and I will be making my yearly post as usual. Later. Right now it's time for fanfiction and sugary alcoholic beverages. I've had this blog for over 3 years... Wow.

Updates, Life, etc.

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I don't feel like actually being productive today, so I thought I'd write. If for some reason you've been following my personal life, you'll know things haven't been so great lately. What a surprise. But if you've known me, you'd know it was inevitable. It happens. Maybe someday it'll be fixed and better, but right now, I'm just... exhausted.

I finally started researching more grad schools. (That's the one good thing about feeling like this - I stop caring about whether or not something hurts and focus on the mechanical, where perfunctory is perfection.) I have information and application info for my top 3 schools. Which, surprisingly, haven't changed at all since back then, even if my program has altered slightly (and goes by a different name at each school). It gets clearer every year... 

But part of this search... Well, maybe you'll understand what I mean. One of my biggest frustrations with my life is that I know precisely what I want, but I have no idea how to get it. With a grad school search, it's easy. They tell me exactly what I need to do in order to get it. They give me definite, defined goals and a plan.

My top 2 choices are the MSW from Temple and a MPA (with a focus in community-clinical services) from University of New Haven (though I'm wary about living in Connecticut). I have my heart set on Philly still, but I'm trying to keep other options open... 

Keyword this week is options. There are always other options. Sometimes they're just hard to see.

Personal shit.

Now is the perfect time to panic. Fighting off the panic attack when you're kind of giddy about something and then "omfg wait shit just got real what do I do"

I don't know how to do that

I have no idea what I'm doing

How do normal people function?! 

Ugh.

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[Trigger Warning - Rape]

I don't want to live on this planet anymore. There are people defending what Daniel Tosh said. Defending a comment about how "hilarious" it would be if an audience member were gang-raped after the show. (highlight to read)

I can't. I literally can't.

I feel sick right now. Clearly I need to spend more time away from other people for a while.

To White Feminists - aka a Plea for Intersectionality

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[TRIGGER WARNING - Discussion of racism, rape culture, slurs, White Feminism, Laci Green, Islamophobia (a mention, from an outsider’s perspective of the criticism. I cannot and will not speak for Muslim people.), transphobia/cissexism, heterosexism, and sexism in general.]


And since there's so much, this will probably barely scratch the surface of all I want to say. And it's probably been said a million times before, and better. Whatever.

It’s hard for me to describe just how frustrated I have been this past week. Frustrated, angry, resentful, disappointed, hurt, anxious, cheated, disgusted, you name it. And much of it because of this one little white girl and her mob of robot followers.

I’m trying very hard right now to keep impartial, emotionless if possible, so that I can say what I need to say and put this all to rest. To all of those thinking they’ve been getting an “Angry Black Woman ™” vibe from me this week - no shit, Sherlock. I am FURIOUS. (And while I generally do not identify as “woman” anymore on a regular basis, I stand in solidarity with my fellow  queer PoCs. Still a FAABulous bitch.) We are sick and tired of this bullshit. But at this point, we are mostly just tired.

So let’s start at the beginning, long before Little Miss Sex+ got her lily-white ass in our business. If you ask a woman of color, particularly a queer woman of color, about (mainstream) feminism and what it means for them, you’re likely to get a very negative answer. You’ll probably find that very few of us identify as feminists, for a myriad of reasons. (You see that sentence? Consider that my thesis statement. Because that’s pretty much what this ENTIRE argument is going to be about. And I'm even going to include subheadings~ ooo)

tl;dr - Here's the thing - yes, women in general face a shit ton of oppression. But these “feminists” are fooling themselves if they think our oppression is equal, or if they continue to refuse to acknowledge that a huge portion of women are still more privileged than the majority of the world's population. 
Feminism is highly problematic. And when we try to speak up about the flaws of feminism (and how it does not account for all of us), we’re silenced - whether with the label of “anti-feminist” or “ignorant.” Feminism is clearly not a movement for all women. Just cis, white, middle class women.

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I think I'm about 20 minutes from passing out (fucking meds...), so let's make this quick. I've just finished a 2,369 word post pretty much explaining some of the reasons why I a) am taking a brief hiatus from Tumblr and b) still REALLY hate white feminism (aka mainstream feminism). Yes, those reasons are very much related. (Though now that I think of it, I don't think I actually mentioned the hiatus in the post...)The amount of racism (and backlash from the Laci Green bullshit) I've seen in the past week alone was enough for me to leave for a while and come here. The fact that people are STILL defending her stupid white ass is pissing me off to no end, so yes, I'm here for the time being. It's nearing election time, and while I have little to no interest in this election, I should be blogging about it anyway.

I expect my rant to probably piss off people. I kind of don't give a shit. As I said on a Tumblr post, if this shit pisses you off, it's meant for you. Learn from it.

It should be up by 10 maybe.

Oh, and I moved my Tumblr. For this kind of stuff I mean. My old one is strictly personal now. Links will be changing eventually, once my life is less shitty and my grandparents aren't dying anymore. (Oh, yeah, there's that too.)

Just Thoughts on Education.

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Working in a school makes me seriously worry about having children of my own. Mostly the gender and racial roles/stereotypes that are perpetuated here, and the blind patriotism, and the lies (including events in history), and the ignorance... I don't want that for my kids.

And while I'm here, all I can think about is how I'm going to have to find a special school... And then I worry that their other parent would object to this, or think I'm overreacting. I want my kids to have better than I had. Isn't that what every parent wants? And when you're a QPoC and someone who advocates for these kinds of things to change, these are things that matter more than most people may realize.

Laci Green - I want to like you but I can't because you actually kind of suck.

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[Cross-Posting from Tumblr] TW - Islamophobia, etc.

Something that's been in my head for a while - I have really mixed feelings about Laci Green. I really want to like her, and at first I did, but... She's basically become another Dan Savage to me. (And you know how I feel about Dan fucking Savage.) Like... her sex positive stuff is generally awesome, but... when it comes to other things, she's kind of awful :-\

I mean, seriously. Some of the things she says have been really disgusting... She angered Muslims (especially Muslim women) by insisting their religion oppresses them (this was a year ago), and then when they got upset and tried to talk to her about it (this week) and why what she said was Islamophobic, she called them ignorant about their own religion. If you're offended, you're ignorant, and you're being just as oppressive by calling her an Islamophobe -- what the actual fuck was that.

It's very hard for me to respect someone like that. Someone who will sit there and "I don't know what it's like to be a PoC or a Muslim but this is how I feel about those things, and despite the fact that you are both of those things, the way you feel about them is totally wrong and you are ignorant."

 There are certain experiences I can never speak about, such as actually being Muslim or being a person of color. I can, however, speak about my own, and to argue that I must have dark skin or have been a practicing Muslim in order for me to do so is more of the same oppressive bullshit.

This quote for me is unforgivable. No, it is not the same, you are generalizing your personal experiences with religious members of your family to a larger culture about which you fully admit YOU KNOW NOTHING, and yet you continue to argue that you're totally right and anyone who disagrees with you is just ignorant. You basically pulled the "but I have black friends!!!" card and "I'm a white feminist savior" membership card in the same argument. Oh, and Laci, you are a racist asshat. 

And I'm learning that a lot of people in the trans* community don't like her either. They say she's not all that inclusive, she's a hypocrite, and she comes off as the typical arrogant white liberal feminist. (And I definitely agree with that last part. I started following her, and her posts are just... so off-putting.) The "I know your oppression better than you do" type who will talk about how much she hates hates a culture she doesn't understand but then will say, when confronted about a hurtful comment she made, "don't be hateful; allow people to make mistakes because it's how we grow!" stop yelling at me!1!!

Her actual words, which on a second reading, are really NOT ok: "Allow people to make mistakes, learn, and grow from those mistakes or things will never change in society."

1. Wow. That is some seriously oppressive bullshit privilege denial right there.
2. You can't learn from a mistake if no one tells you you've made a mistake.
3. So when someone continues to be an oppressive asshat, you think the "correct" thing to do is to keep my feelings to myself and never call them out on it? Again, how are they going to know and realize that what they did was wrong?
4. You think the correct way to respond to someone who is rightfully upset with something you said is to call them hateful and tell them to be more polite or things will never get better?
5. Fuck you.
6. In case you missed that - FUCK YOU.
7. Go fuck yourself.
8. YOU ARE BLAMING THE OPPRESSED FOR THEIR OPPRESSION OMFG NO.
9. This reeks of "be nice to us or we won't be your allies anymore." aka you are no fucking ally, you're doing this for the brownie points.

Not to mention that she attacked the asker for being "hateful," when they were really anything but. Not that it should even really matter, because she's still wrong - a) you as a privileged person have no fucking right to tell a non-privileged person how to react or feel about their oppression and b) you have no fucking clue how it feels, and we have every right to feel hateful and upset. Fuck your tone policing.

And then. Oh, and this. Well, I don't actually have time to get into the rest, but I have to say, I'm disappointed. And it's frustrating when all of the most popular sex-ed, body positive, sex positive people are white, cis, thin people who have no idea what it's like to not be that, or say things that seem entirely antithetical to what they say they believe. It's frustrating that someone who gives such incredible and important information about sex ed and has a voice that needs to be heard on those topics also uses that voice to shut down people who are rightfully critical of the problematic shit she says and does. And instead of an apology, the people she hurts are treated to privilege denying apologist bullshit and arrogance.

No one's perfect, and yes, it is a process, but... If you're going to be known as an educator about these things, you can and will be held to a higher standard. And if you think it's ok to silence and belittle and talk over ACTUAL trans* people and Muslim and PoCs and people who actually experience on a day to day basis the things you *think* you know about, you are seriously doing it wrong. And I take issue with that.

If people really want to know why I don't call myself a feminist - because the mainstream feminist movement is full of people like this - privilege denying, angry cissexist white girls who can't understand that the only people their "feminism" is helping is other cis white women (as it adds to the oppression the rest of us face).

So this has just been brought to my attention: #lgbt

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Best representation I have ever seen. It addresses the stigma and the "confusion," AND it's a male character. BRAVO ABC!!! Apparently this aired last summer. American network TV done right.

Also: Glee - THIS is how you do it.

#things I would post on Tumblr if it didn't mean possibly getting death threats in my askbox

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I can't even begin to tell you how annoying it is when someone tells you that you "shouldn't be offended by everything all the time." 


Wake up. If you're not offended, you're either a) too privileged to have to care or b) not paying attention. If you think it's "just a Tumblr thing," you're spending far too much time on Tumblr. This is nothing new.

#antisocial mentally unstable introvert problems

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This is one of those days where I really don't want to talk to anyone. I'm more than frustrated, I'm pissed off and I want everyone to just go away. I'm tired of people who don't get it. I'm tired of having to explain. I'm tired of this stupid fucking world where everything sucks and never changes.

Today is one of those days when I just need to be alone, left to do my own thing, without people trying to talk to me every two seconds. (I would have told off my boss just for being an annoying twit today if I didn't need to keep this job a bit longer.) I'm like a cat - I will go to you when I want to be around people, but otherwise I need to do things at my own pace or I will self-destruct. Finding people who can understand that  is... impossible, at best, and I end up hurting people. There is no reason why anyone should like me or want to be my friend. I am selfish, and I am self-centered, and right now, I really don't have it in me to care.

It's like with CB last week. If I'm upset and it shows, if I'm frustrated or angry and I need to vent, stay away and leave me to it unless I ask for help or a distraction. Not just for my sake but your own.

we bottle up emotions until we explode
send a thousand glass shards spiraling into the night

I can't even with these people anymore.

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[TRIGGER WARNING - Rape, trivialization of rape, rape jokes]

Putting this under a cut. If you are easily angered and want a happy Mother's Day, ignore this. I am so disgusted right now.

Petition: 1 Million Against Amendment 1

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Change.org|Make Your Own Petition

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Sorry I haven't been around much. There's a whole bunch of crap going on with my family, and, as usual, it's complicated and messy and unbelievably stressful. It's been a very bad week... or two. Wow ok. Yeah. That. 2 weeks since SBL. And I'm getting frustrated again because all of my forms of escape are disappearing and/or becoming one more reason to want to run away...


And suddenly, I don't even want to talk about why I'm here. I don't want to talk media, I don't want to talk politics, I just want... I don't know. I want stability, both in my head and outside of it.

When OL Friends Meet IRL

I had the most amazing day yesterday.(I went to the Struck By Lightning premiere!!!) And while I'm currently blogging from the shower (true fact) and I don't have time for a full recap, I wanted to at least talk about one part of the experience. For the first time ever, I met my online friends. And it was AWESOME. (Spent the day and a car ride home with a 40 year old man and did not die. Mom, teachers, you had nothing to worry about.) For the first time in a long time, it felt like I had real friends. (Other than STK of course. But you're still so far away ;_;) And now we're all at out respective homes sobbing over that fact... It's interesting how lonely we've become as we get older... even with technology.

And for all of those who say that internet friends aren't real friends-- lol fuck you I love these people and they are closer to me than some of my IRL friends have ever been. I surprised myself- I trust them with my life. And I miss everyone terribly. But you know what we said when we parted on the train? See you tonight! See you later! In a way, we're never really apart. And that is pretty wonderful.

Anyway, the water's getting cold. I'll see you all later :)

I think there's just something about being an ex-Catholic atheist...

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(P.S. - I fully know and expect that this will be offensive to others. Yet this is pretty much my explanation as to why I don't care. It's a response to something that was said to me, so... yeah. It's personal.)

I think there's just something about being an ex-Catholic atheist...

For some of us, it's not enough to just ignore it afterwards. Especially when it's still shoved in your face every single day. And you try so hard to just get on with it and live your life the way you think you should, but there's always some asshole trying to interfere and shove their beliefs down your throat. After you've rejected said beliefs on numerous occasions and they still don't fucking get that you think said beliefs, when put into "practice" by the mainstream, are a load of fantastical, oppressive shit.


It's just not enough.


No, we want to take it down, tear it apart bit by bit, almost like revenge for the torture and brainwashing and abuse it put us through. Being shamed for questioning or doubting - or breathing the wrong way, at it often seems. It's just another means of control. Nothing but punishment and judgment and shame.


It's not about changing your beliefs or trying to offend you. We really don't care what you choose to do. Think of it this way:

And as I said last night, I will never be able to understand the obsession with immortality and life after death. Life sucks - why would anyone want to live again? And how can you live in happiness knowing that others are suffering? What kind of practice condemns you at birth, sets up impossible rules for you to follow, and then punishes you for (predictably) messing up? Why can't you be a good person for the sake of being a good person? Why do we have to get eternal damnation and invisible cloud men involved??? It doesn't make sense.


Catholicism to me now is hypocritical at best.


I should change the title of this post to "Woes of an Ex-Catholic Atheist in a Very Catholic Family and Town." I'll be a Christian atheist but seriously, fuck your religion with a rusty pipe.

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I never understood the obsession with immortality. I've been wondering lately if it was just a coincidence that I officially renounced Catholicism just before the depression hit. Life sucks. Why would anyone want to live forever? Why would anyone want to live again after death?

Anyway, just a few thoughts for you this weekend. Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

You should watch this and laugh. #lgbt

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So this:

American ISPs to launch massive copyright spying scheme on July 12

American ISPs to launch massive copyright spying scheme on July 12 | The Raw Story

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So... Fuck.

If you download potentially copyrighted software, videos or music, your Internet service provider (ISP) has been watching, and they’re coming for you. 

Specifically, they’re coming for you on Thursday, July 12. 

That’s the date when the nation’s largest ISPs will all voluntarily implement a new anti-piracy plan that will engage network operators in the largest digital spying scheme in history, and see some users’ bandwidth completely cut off until they sign an agreement saying they will not download copyrighted materials.

Clearly the time to mobilize is now.

Convicted!

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If you have yet to hear - Dharun Ravi has been convicted on 15 charges, and faces 5 to 10 years in prison and deportation. Good news. It can never bring back Tyler or undo what was done, but at least Ravi will be held responsible for his actions.

In case you were wondering just what those actions were...
http://inothernews.tumblr.com/post/19403073958/the-newark-star-ledger-details-the-counts-and-verdicts

The Newark Star-Ledger details the counts and verdicts rendered against Dharun Ravi: →

COUNT 1
4th Degree Invasion of Privacy, related to Tyler Clementi: GUILTY
4th Degree Invasion of Privacy, related to Clementi’s guest, M.B.:GUILTY
(Observed Clementi/M.B. in sexual contact without their consent on Sept. 19)
If Guilty, jury proceeds to count 2; if Not Guilty, jury skips count 2 and proceeds to count 3
COUNT 2
3rd Degree Bias Intimidation
(For 4th Degree Invasion of Privacy charge on Sept. 19)
• Invasion of Privacy with the purpose to intimidate Tyler Clementi because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy with the purpose to intimidate M.B. because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, knowing that the conduct constituting invasion of privacy would cause Tyler Clementi to be intimidated because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, knowing that the conduct constituting invasion of privacy would cause M.B. to be intimidated because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, under circumstances that caused Tyler Clementi to be intimidated, and considering the manner in which the offense was committed, Clementi reasonably believed that he was selected to be the target of the offense because of sexual orientation:GUILTY
COUNT 3
3rd Degree Invasion of Privacy, related to Tyler Clementi: GUILTY
3rd Degree Invasion of Privacy, related to M.B.: GUILTY
(Activated webcam so other people could view Clementi/M.B. in sexual contact on Sept 19.)
If Guilty, jury proceeds to count 4; if Not Guilty, jury skips count 4 and proceeds to count 5
COUNT 4
2nd Degree Bias Intimidation
(For 3rd Degree Invasion of Privacy charge on Sept. 19)
• Invasion of Privacy, with the purpose to intimidate Tyler Clementi because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, with the purpose to intimidate M.B. because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED

• Invasion of Privacy, knowing that the conduct constituting invasion of privacy would cause Tyler Clementi to be intimidated because of sexual orientation: GUILTY
• Invasion of Privacy, knowing that the conduct constituting invasion of privacy would cause M.B. to be intimidated, because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, under circumstances that caused Tyler Clementi to be intimidated, and considering the manner in which the offense was committed, Clementi reasonably believed that he was selected to be the target of the offense because of sexual orientation:GUILTY
COUNT 5
4th Degree Attempted Invasion of Privacy, related to Tyler Clementi:GUILTY
4th Degree Attempted Invasion of Privacy, related to M.B.: GUILTY
(Tried to observe Clementi/M.B. in sexual contact without their consent on Sept. 21)
If Guilty, jury proceeds to count 6; if Not Guilty, jury skips count 6 and proceeds to count 7
COUNT 6
3rd Degree Bias Intimidation
(For 4th Degree Invasion of Privacy charge on Sept. 21)
• Invasion of Privacy, with the purpose to intimidate Tyler Clementi because of sexual orientation: GUILTY

• Invasion of Privacy, with the purpose to intimidate M.B. because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, knowing that the conduct constituting invasion of privacy would cause Tyler Clementi to be intimated because of sexual orientation: GUILTY
• Invasion of Privacy, knowing that the conduct constituting invasion of privacy would cause M.B. to be intimidated because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, under circumstances that caused Tyler Clementi to be intimidated, and considering the manner in which the offense was committed, Clementi reasonably believed that he was selected to be the target of the offense because of sexual orientation:GUILTY

COUNT 7
3rd Degree Attempted Invasion of Privacy, related to Tyler Clementi:GUILTY
3rd Degree Attempted Invasion of Privacy, related to M.B.: GUILTY
(Tried to show Clementi/M.B. in sexual contact to other people on Sept. 21)
If Guilty, jury proceeds to count 8; if Not Guilty, jury skips count 8 and proceeds to count 9
COUNT 8
2nd Degree Bias Intimidation
(For 3rd Degree Attempted Invasion of Privacy charge on Sept. 21)

• Invasion of Privacy, with the purpose to intimidate Tyler Clementi because of sexual orientation: GUILTY
• Invasion of Privacy, with the purpose to intimidate M.B. because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, knowing that the conduct constituting invasion of privacy would cause Tyler Clementi to be intimidated because of sexual orientation: GUILTY
• Invasion of Privacy, knowing that the conduct constituting invasion of privacy would cause M.B. to be intimidated because of sexual orientation: ACQUITTED
• Invasion of Privacy, under circumstances that caused Tyler Clementi to be intimidated, and considering the manner in which the offense was committed, Clementi reasonably believed that he was selected to be the target of the offense because of sexual orientation:GUILTY

COUNT 9
4th Degree Tampering with Physical Evidence: GUILTY
(Deleted tweets relevant to police investigation)
COUNT 10
4th Degree Tampering with Physical Evidence: GUILTY
(Wrote and posted a false tweet)
COUNT 11
3rd Degree Hindering Apprehension or Prosecution: GUILTY
(Destroyed evidence relevant to investigation)
COUNT 12
3rd Degree Hindering Apprehension or Prosecution: GUILTY
(Prevented a witness from providing testimony)
COUNT 13
3rd Degree Hindering Apprehension or Prosecution: GUILTY
(Lied to police)
COUNT 14
3rd Degree Witness Tampering: GUILTY
(Tried to influence what Molly Wei told police)
COUNT 15
4th Degree Tampering with Physical Evidence: GUILTY
(Deleted text messages sent to and received from witnesses)

I'm just surprised (and a little disgusted, actually), that there are so many people who think that Ravi shouldn't have been arrested at all because it was a suicide, not a direct murder. Clearly those people have no idea what the actual charges were and why. (And yes, I asked them.) Is "cyberbullying and an extreme invasion of privacy" suddenly not enough of an issue for them that there should be no consequences? Ravi did something so awful and invasive his that it lead his roommate to kill himself -- after numerous attempts to remove himself from Ravi's presence, attempts that were denied and ignored by the school-- and then Ravi tried to hide the evidence and convince a witness to lie for him. How is that not a problem?

Hey...

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I'm sorry I've been away for so long. There's been a lot going on in my life again. Sort of. I've been feeling pretty uninspired as of late, so I've been off hanging out with online friends and moping. What else is new.

And as you may or may not know, an episode of a crappy show that we happen to watch that was very, very triggering for me. I'm going to need some time to recoup, because it's been almost a week and I still can't pull it together.

I don't have much to say in terms of politics other than I pretty much hate all of the candidates, and this year the GOP candidates are the worst I've ever seen.

Also, one of my favorite sites (Autostraddle) has written something that makes me hate people and want to cry. This is not a good day.

This is why I [should] never watch the SOTU address.

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[grumbles] Another cross-post, by the way.

Maybe I’m just too cynical. I was not impressed. At all. There were tons of moments where I was like, yeah, I absolutely agree with that, but [yawn]. Then again I also know that SOTU addresses are just bullshit. All talk and no game. That’s all they’ve ever been, and all they’ll ever be. And it’s an election year, so of course it’s upped. It’s meaningless. What matters is what is actually attempted over the course of a year, not just what’s said.

Maybe my standards are just too high. “Lesser of two evils” just does not cut it for me anymore. I’m not even sure I believe it.

And the GOP response omfg what the fuck was that shit. Nothing less than expected, of course, delivered by a douchey robot, but ugh. This entire government is just… no.

Ok, the whole thing about offshore drilling - do not even fucking get me started. If you knew me before, you know the environment is a big fucking deal to me. THAT IS NOT FUCKING CLEAN ENERGY. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU FUCKING OUT OF YOUR MIND?! IN THE ARCTIC TOO WHAT THE FUCK MAN WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

The “forced to stay in high school until 18 thing” — mixed feelings, mostly negative. Education means a lot to me, and a high school diploma is a necessity these days because practically every single employer in the country (yes that’s an exaggeration shut up I know) will judge you for it, but sometimes there are really good reasons to leave, and I don’t think all learning has to be in a classroom. Some of the most intelligent, most innovative, and most successful people in the world never graduated high school. The focus should be on real education and real education reform, real skill development, not forcing children to stay in sub-par schools just to say they were there and left with a meaningless piece of paper. Forcing people to stay in school means absolutely nothing— that does NOT guarantee that they will actually learn anything or be motivated to learn. I mean really, if you know you have to be in school until you’re 18 but you really don’t give a shit about it, don’t you think the easiest thing to do would be to fuck around and fail til your 18th birthday? You can’t force someone to learn. I’d rather my child drop out and enrich themselves via world experiences (if they so choose) and work than be forced to stay in a school system that doesn’t meet their needs — or expectations, my own included. I'd like to know that we can talk about options for the future, rather than a rigid set of obligations. I think we place far too much emphasis on classroom learning and college as a measure of intelligence and success.We really do. I’m glad I went to college because I truly enjoyed it and I enjoy learning in a structured environment. That said, it is NOT for everyone, and it does NOT guarantee success in life. (Many people are actually better off without college. Debt. Run away, it’s a trap. Even with more government support, it can be extremely difficult.)

While I think it would be FANTASTIC for young parents to have government support to return to school, including childcare services, is this even on the table? Or are you simply going to force them to juggle everything on their own?

Also, how does this affect homeschooling? Many children who are homeschooled are able to obtain a high school diploma before they turn 18. (I technically graduated high school before I was 18. What if I had skipped a grade or two?) Would they be forced to attend anyway, or enroll in college just because they’re underage? Just how literally are they going to take this?

It’s like… I understand the supposed good points of this, and the statistics supporting it, but… It’s just not that simple. You can say the words all you want, but it’s not that simple.

So I think on that particular line, the priorities are just… wrong. And ok, to be perfectly honest, it scares me. A lot. People under 18 pretty much don’t have any rights to begin with, including the right to vote. They’re not treated like autonomous persons, but like property in a way. And in many cases, minors would have a lot of trouble leaving the country on their own. (Not that I’m saying a 13 year old should expatriate, but 16 is old enough, and often mature enough, to make more of their own decisions. If you’re able to support yourself and live on your own, I don’t see why anyone should try to decide your life for you.) There’s no choice whatsoever. So it bothers me that any country spouting “freedom” should force any class of citizens to be detained for any capacity, against their will, simply for falling within a demographic. So on that level, yes, it actually scares me that this government would insist that all states enforce a law like that.

Skimming the rest of the transcript for things I likely missed while screaming at the TV:

• Merit pay, ok. All of that stuff about teachers, awesome. Standardized tests like those are not an accurate way to measure achievement or intelligence.
• Taxation. Yeah… oh look, he talked about the 98%, I remember hearing that. I wasn't surprised. Hm.
• Oh look, more American exceptionalism. That actually really bothers me.

Moving on because I have other things to do tonight.

Anyway, someone needs to compare this to last year. What’s just talk, what actually means something. Prove it’s all political bullshit. Just because.

Migraines and Blathering and #OP-omg learn to read you brats

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I was supposed to blog about SOPA and PIPA, but I have a serious migraine, it's 2 am, and dealing with panicky people on Tumblr hasn't been helping. So I've written about 6 rants on the situation, posted 1 as private, posted another publicly, and deleted the others. When I have worried kids coming to me and asking if they're going for prison for accidentally clicking on something that isn't even related to the issue at hand, because everyone else is spreading around the wrong information... >_< and they know it's the wrong information! It says so right there in the article they're spreading around!!! Does no one read? Quit jumping on the bandwagon and pay attention to details. Fucking tumblr tweens... yes we blame everything on the youngest users. It's just easier that way. I give up, they're on their own. Let them panic themselves into hernias. I tried, and all I got for it was this fucking migraine.

For all of the people panicking about megavideo.bz - no one knows what that is, but look at the source code. AnonOps says they don't actually know what it is. I believe them. It's what I had said before I saw their confirmation. Again, look at the source code. It's bland as hell, and it looks nothing like LOIC. (If you want to know what it looks like, google the pastebin link.) THAT is NOT what you're saying will put you in prison. THAT is something else entirely. READ DAMMIT.

That said - seriously? You clicked on a random link without knowing where it goes? BAD. BAD NETIZEN. I AM REVOKING YOUR INTERNET PRIVILEGES. No really though, don't do that. That is a rookie mistake for the "technologically challenged," not netizens and millenials, ok? We're supposed to know this shit already. And now you know. Also lol evil? Gawker, you baffle me. You know as well as I do that it's nothing new. All of this anti-Anon propa. Fuck... Not what they need right now. This is a time to rally after the blackout and keep the momentum going. Granted, DDOSing probably wasn't the best choice of action, but it's getting attention... so... that's good... maybe.

Something about this war that's brewing makes me so proud... even if I'm mostly just watching from the sidelines and blogging about it. And even if it makes me realize just how different I am from the rest of my friends... "We want the same thing!" My friend, I'm sorry, but we do not. You made that very clear.

I'm going to go throw up now and try to sleep off this migraine so I don't die at work tomorrow.

Captain's Log-- January 9, 2012

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It's starting to annoy me that I don't have a place where I can just vent anymore without pissing someone off or starting a conversation I really don't want. But whatever. I'm pissed now, and kind of hurt, and I just... I hate it when I want to talk about something and I can't. Almost as much as I hate it when I don't want to talk about something and everyone keeps asking about it. Why can't there be a button that let's people know what's ok for conversation and what's off limits?

And how not to be a fucking douchebag when talking about shit you don't understand. Oh my fucking god I mean really. Really. Can I just. I have had enough of these stupid little children telling others to go kill themselves (in excruciating detail) because of a FUCKING FICTIONAL RELATIONSHIP. The dark side of fandom is that it's full of stupid, stupid fail.

Yeah, I don't have anything of particular importance to say tonight. GOP Debate bingo/drinking game was kind of fun Saturday, and I did sort of liveblog, but Chrome wouldn't let me open Blogger so I never made it here. In other news, I dislike pretty much all of the 2012 presidential candidates, and no, I'm not buying the "lesser of two evils" argument. It's pretty much bullshit anyway. Something I decided back in August I believe. I dunno, go ask Patrick and Harmony, they know, maybe. Harmony's voting socialist. I might. I dunno. I'm tired of fucking around-- I want a strong progressive, socialist-leaning leader, not some weak Republican-lite. Democrats are not left, they're center right. And that's not good enough for me anymore. Fuck it all. I think I'm just in a phase where I hate everyone and everything. And I mean that. I'll be the one sitting in the back with popcorn watching as the world goes to hell. It deserves it. Yay resensitization. I kind of liked not realizing all that's wrong with the world. I think maybe escapism really is the only way to experience true, lasting happiness. I don't want to belong to this world. I really, really don't. There's so much beauty in it. That is true. (What else would we escape to, if not for something worthwhile?) But overall, society is just pretty fucking shitty.

Fuck I miss you <3

Acronyms and Inclusivity

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Figured this was worth cross-posting. So an anon (who isn't actually that anon anymore lol) asked me how I felt about the PFLAG acronym since I frequently discuss issues of bisexual and trans* erasure. PFLAG, if you're not aware, stands for Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays and deals with LGBT issues -- and I mean that literally, LGBT, as stated on their website. So already we have some issues with inclusivity.

Interesting question, and I’m glad you asked… I’ve been thinking about this lately.
The short answer - yes, sort of… 

It’s not something I would really complain about, because I think it’s mostly just a personal pet peeve, but… yeah, it’s kind of annoying. Especially since they tend to take it quite literally and leave out many people in the LGBTQ+ acronym. 

Every time I see PFLAG or GLAAD or someone talking about a GSA, I do personally tend to feel a little bit left out. I don’t think they mean to exclude, but sometimes it’s like a blatant reminder that there are people who don’t consider you a part of the LGBTQ+ community, or that they’ve conveniently forgotten. It all falls into that gay-or-straight binary— intentional or not, erasure is everywhere, and worse than that, it’s considered the acceptable, if not preferable, thing to do by many. Monosexist/cissexist/anti-ace ideas are still surprisingly flourishing in many groups. (GLAAD is apparently also pretty well known in the bi community for ignoring bi issues in the media… When they say G & L, they really tend to mean “G & L — oh and sometimes trans*.” I don’t think for a second they would ever even think to consider asexuality… I’ve never seen it from them before, but maybe I missed it.) So it’s even more annoying when it’s an LGBTQ+ group or person (like Dan Savage, for example), because then it’s like… how do I describe it… When the exclusion comes from within, it’s like giving non-queer identified people the ok to do it too, whether explicitly or implicitly/subconsciously. “It’s ok, they don’t really matter that much.” And sometimes, people will tell you that you’re not gay or a lesbian, so you don’t belong… you’re not in the title, so you don’t belong… That part kind of… it’s awful. 

And when the gay/straight binary carries over to the media— whether it’s that THEY take the PFLAG/GLAAD acronym literally and completely ignore bi and trans* people in their reporting or discussions, or that perhaps we have these probably predominantly monosexual groups that think that “gay” is a catchall term anyway so no one bothers to correct. Everyone is seen as either straight or gay, binary cissexual male or female, no exceptions, and LGBTQ+ media watchdogs and sites are often just as guilty of this— GLAAD and PFLAG and quite a lot of the other big LGBTQ+ groups included. And we know that “gay” NOT even close to being inclusive. 

So while on the one hand I know that they’re older groups that were started before other parts of the queer community were truly accepted or understood, and they are, for the most part, very inclusive now— with asexuality being a notable exception— I do think they have a long way to go to actually BE inclusive organizations. And if a name change is a way to start that, or at least make people more aware that there are other letters in the QUILTBAG, well then I’m all for it. 

so tl;dr - kind of, but mostly because a lot of people use it as an excuse to BE exclusive.

No, this doesn't mean I'm declaring war on PFLAG or other organizations that focus on "gay and lesbian" in their titles.  I do wish that in general society would be more recognizant of the diversity of the queer community. Every time things are referred to as gay rights, or gay marriage, or the gay community... Really? Hi. No, that's not inclusive. Really. Stop that.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've found a colony of Awful Human Beings who need to feel my rage right now. Oh my fucking god.