What the hell, #BoA???

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(I'm all over the place today because I can't really talk right now and I'm trying to get as much down as possible, as quickly as possible...)
So. Bank of America. Way to piss me off yet again. If this goes through, you can guarantee that you'll lose many customers, myself included. (Yeah, label this post Woes of the Yuppie/Yippie. [sigh]) Just... what the hell are you thinking? A MONTHLY FEE? Charging your existing customers a monthly fee for what was once a free service, without any choice in the matter? Of COURSE we're getting the hell out of there. I can't afford to lose $5 a month for services I don't even get or care about, for a student checking account, when I have free accounts that won't charge me at all-- and are with more reliable, and more trustworthy, institutions.

Thankfully, there is plenty of outrage over this from all "sides of the aisle." And the Consumer's Union has outlined this lovely little guide to Moving Your Money. (Which reminds me - I have $2.66 in a bank that has since changed names and owners at least twice. I should probably close that account. Haven't used it in at least a decade... Do I get interest? No? Ok... Oh look, and that bank's about to start charging fees too. Am I going to owe them now? Fuck that.)

Anyway, why am I bringing this up, other than the fact that I'm pissed and I want to rant at them? Occupy Wall Street. Doesn't this seem EXACTLY like the kind of thing we're all fighting? And maybe this seems like a small amount of money to some-- but you have the luxury and privilege to think that way. Do not deny that it's privilege; do not even think for a second that it's not. Being able to GET to an ATM? Can definitely be privilege. Having access to a computer or even a phone to transfer funds to a bank that doesn't charge fees? Privilege. (Having a bank account with the option of online access? Yeah, I'd say that's privilege too, though I wonder)  Oh, and guess what? This is only for "regular" customers -- not the wealthiest top 2 tiers. (College students will also be exempt.) Isn't that exciting and different?

$5 a month  = $60 a year. That's $60 a year that should have gone towards bills, or food, or clothes or school tuition. Oh, but that's not just it - that's $60 extra BECAUSE money went towards those things, and because someone couldn't get to a Bank of America ATM or did not have enough cash on hand. And if they had used any other ATM? $3.00 fee from BoA, plus whatever fees the other bank charges - which is likely to be another $3-5. And sometimes there are fees on top of that too-- I'm lucky enough to not have monthly fees because I opened a student account, but many of the other checking accounts have a $12/month fee...

Do they have ANY idea of the consequences fees like this have on lower income individuals? Believe me, sometimes that $5 is everything. That $5 determined whether or not I ate for a few days. Maybe I should start with my experience. There are no BoA ATMs within walking distance. There are really no ATMs within walking distance that are associated with one of the bigger banks, and definitely none without usage fees. So my debit card is pretty much my ONLY connection to my money. All of my student loan bills? Directly from my bank account. Using my debit card if I'm late or I have to call the bill in. And no, it doesn't count as "online bill pay." Amazon.com? Debit card. All online shopping? Debit card. Yes, I'm making more money now, but $5 a month just to use what always has been and should be a standard part of a checking account?? It's like paying $5 a month to use a key.

So - bad business practice? I certainly think so. Discouraging customers from using a service you provide? LOL no really. Try again.

Life and Other Things. (Trigger Warning - see below for details)

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This contains sensitive and personal subjects, including but not limited to suicide and self harm, and may be triggering. Proceed with caution.

Fucking pigs... #OccupyWallStreet

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What the fucking hell. I would be remiss if I didn't at least briefly mention this -- Occupy Wall Street.
(Did I say brief? Cuz I meant it.)

For starters - Great list of news articles here.
And for personal stories: We are the 99 Percent
SUBMIT!!!

I seem to have misplaced my anger at the moment, due to an excruciating headache and lack of sleep (see next post for why), but OH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT THE HELL. NYPD. Attacking peaceful protesters in the middle of the street like they're some sort of fucking heroes saving New York from... from what exactly? A bunch of people standing around, doing nothing worth getting upset and arresting them let alone forcefully throwing them to the ground... Bullshit. It's fucking disgusting. (And it brings me back to my psych student days... As to why they acted that way... [smh]...)

Though can I also say... While I support this movement and what it stands for, I'm not sure that it will be effective. It's not enough. Not yet. But I think this will be the start of something big-- if we can build up momentum and KEEP it. Stretch across the entire country.

Anyway, I really need to get some sleep. I've had a really rough weekend, and yes, I do want to talk about it. So yeah, next post.

#Glee's Quinn Fabray and Shelby Corcoran on the Adoption of Beth

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I'm cross-posting this from Tumblr, because I feel like there are points made there that are kind of relevant to "everyday life"... This is about tonight's (er, last night's... Tuesday night's) episode of Glee. So SPOILER ALERT if you care about that kind of thing. What this has to do with: Adoption, rights, and families.

(Background: in Season 1, Quinn Fabray was pressured into sleeping with Noah Puckerman. 4 episodes in, we found out she was pregnant. After a long, messy thing I don't feel like explaining, Quinn decides she's giving the baby up for adoption. To whom is irrelevant right now. Anyway, we meet Shelby, who is the head vocal coach of a rival show choir and the birth mother of the "main character" Rachel Berry [Lea Michele]. Shelby regretted giving Rachel up for adoption, but realized that she missed her chance to see Rachel grow up. Quinn and Puck's daughter Beth is born at the end of the season, and Shelby adopts her. Beth wasn't really mentioned during Season 2. Now, Episode 2 of Season 3, we see Quinn dealing with it all, now that Shelby -- and Beth-- are back in Lima, and Shelby wants Quinn to be involved.)

What I said during the liveblogging: "That's not fair at all. Neither what Shelby said OR what Quinn said. This is why I really didn't want them to bring up Beth again." I don't see this ending well. Complicated subject/situation, so...

tl;dr - It feels like: Shelby's forcing Quinn to deal with what I've dubbed "the Beth situation" because Shelby has her own issues (re: giving up Rachel) and she's deciding to force them onto Quinn. And it feels like Quinn thinks that since she's the Birth Mother, she somehow has the right to take Beth away from her mom just because she regrets the adoption. A year later. And somehow I'm supposed to believe that all of this is ok and "zomg creys forever she just wants her baby back" when I just want to shake them both and scream STOP THAT!!! It's all sad, yeah... but kind of offensive too.

I'm REALLY  hoping that THAT is where they're going with this... They're both in the wrong, and this entire situation is ridiculous. (Realistic, but infuriating nonetheless)

Quinn/Shelby/Beth pissed me off... I don't like it when A) someone tries to shame a birth mother for giving up their child, or tells them they did the wrong thing and that they should or that they have to be a part of that child's life -- "You'll regret it."; and B) when the birth mother thinks or acts like they have more of a right to be in the child's life than the adoptive mother. Everything between them just felt like all kids of wrong... IT WAS AN ADOPTION. Quinn GAVE UP full custody and rights to Beth when she signed those papers. Yeah, if Shelby wants, Quinn can be a part of Beth's life, but it's like... It felt like she was crossing too many lines. It seemed overly rude, and hurtful, and... Just because Quinn regrets what happened doesn't mean it can just go away and go back to the way it "should have been" or whatever she thinks is going to be like. It's not that simple, and I really hope she learns that. She made a choice, for the sake of her daughter, and for herself and her future. She wanted to give Beth a better life than she could have. Beth isn't yours anymore, Quinn. You've given birth to her, but you're not her mother anymore. You cannot have Beth back. "Full custody"??? That's not how it works.

Shelby, stop rubbing it in her face like she made some massive mistake and ruined her life or something, the way you think you did. Second chances are second chances-- for the BOTH of you. Quinn thought giving up Beth would guarantee getting her old life back, and when that didn't work, she decided she wanted Beth back? That's what this feels like... I guess that's what it is. And as much as it pains me to see Quinn upset again, I just... I can't. She's gone through a lot in 3 seasons, but she does need to grow up if she thinks "full custody" is an option at this point just because she has regrets. This feels like a huge step backwards in terms of maturity... Beth is a child, a living being, not a football. You don't just get her back because you want her and you think you're responsible enough now to take care of her. She has a new family now, and to take her from that, for these reasons, is selfish. This is the real world. Adult situations, adult consequences. ... It probably sounds kind of heartless, but... I'm pretty sure we'll be around to see the massive shock she gets when she finally realizes just how true this is...

I know Quinn has a lot of regrets around the entire Beth situation, and I know it would probably make her really happy to have Beth in her life again. What I didn't like was the way this played out... So again, yeah, I really hope that there's a bigger point to this... I made another post a while back about this whole thing, back at the beginning of the hiatus. (Feels sooo long ago, doesn't it...) If Quinn doesn't want to think about her biological daughter, she doesn't have to; and it's not right to make her feel like she's a bad person because she gave Beth up or because she doesn't want to think about something that's obviously painful for her. I see that so often, and it just really makes me sad.

I feel like I can't say this enough. No one who has given up a child should ever be made to feel that way, to feel ashamed for what they did. No one should ever be told that they're supposed to think about that child every single day and never try to move on. (No, I haven't been through it, but I can imagine. I know people who have been there. And working where I do now - I know teen parents [who have given up kids], and adoptive parents, who are all working their asses off and sacrificing everything to do the best they can for their children; and it pisses me off to no end that ANYONE thinks they have the right to tell these people that they're not trying hard enough or that they've fucked up.) You think it's easy, doing something like that, giving up your child? You think it's easy making those kinds of choices, especially for teen moms?  Maybe it is easy for some people, and you know what, that's perfectly ok too- the point is, that child will have a better life with a loving family. That is the ENTIRE point.

Sorry, I'm starting to rant again... Clearly, I have a lot of feelings about this.

Oh, and speaking of adoption and families - foster kids. Stabbing. Oh my god what the fuck even... I know this show plays off of stereotypes and all, but that, and the Asperger's... Wow. Offensive things can be funny sometimes, but that was not funny; just offensive.

Birthday Countdowns and GOP Idiots on TV.

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10 minutes til my 23rd birthday and I'm sitting here listening to Michele Bachmann prattle on about the evils of Gardasil. You know what, just for this I'd go get the damn shot. (I'm adamantly against it. For myself. If you want it, whatever, but there's no fucking way I'm getting that shot, and there's not a single thing anyone can do to make me [blows raspberry]...  And no, the entire scientific and medical community is not supporting it, Stephen. Still, Bachmann is an idiot. And like she really gives a shit about letting girls have choices...)

ANYWAY. Usually I do a personal post recapping my year and how I've changed, or some shit like that, but as the post I typed up was lost in a random BSOD (because I was also doing something I shouldn't have been doing...), it'll have to wait til I get home from work tomorrow.

Oh hey, new Michael Moore book... Hmm... Watching the Colbert Report for the first time in what feels like a decade. Oh, how I've missed this show... I'm slowly getting back to the real world, back to politics and activism. I'm working on a big post still, doing some research for it and such. LGBT+ things. I'm sure I've mentioned this already... Anyway, I want to finish cleaning off my bed and I only have 5 minutes left, so...

Yeah. Happy 23rd Birthday, Me. :-P

"The 90s Kid"

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Now that I've gotten myself on this little rant...

90s kids are not kids born in the 1990s, contrary to what seems to be popular belief on sites like Tumblr. It's not that simple. I don't know who decided this, but it's not really the way it works, is it... And I say all of this because I'm rather sick of all of these posts on my dash saying "asfhypsf reblob if u wer born between 1990-1999! yay 90s kids1!1!!!1 everyone else is stupid and has no sense! if you weren't born in this decade you're not a 90s kid so shut up!" It's like nonstop ageism on this site! I get that the main demographic tends to be younger people in their mid to late teens, and those of my age group are apparently a minority or something, but it's a little ridiculous, don't you think? (There are a few of the "bigger" 90s culture blogs that are perpetuating this and have been mocking those not born in the 90s decade, insisting that we cannot possibly call ourselves 90s kids. THAT is why I'm writing this.)

Yeah. No... Not only is that incredibly rude, but it's inaccurate. 90s kids, from a sociological standpoint, are children who grew up with the predominant [pop] culture of the early to mid-late 1990s. Generally this includes children born from 1985-ish to 1995. Technically we all also belong to the generation loosely defined as Generation Y, Millennials, or Echo Boomers - 1982 to 1995, if I remember correctly, though the range tends to vary between sources. Some start in the late 70s, some end with 2000, but I think children born in 2000 have probably experienced a very different world than those of us born much earlier. Things change too quickly... Anyway, back to the 90s kid thing. It's a technicality, perhaps, but in misidentifying "90s kid" as one solely born between 1990 and 1999, you're excluding many of us who do identify with that culture, perpetuated that culture, (and in some ways, created that culture). Just because you were born within a certain decade does not mean you experienced the culture of that decade. Again - it's not about when you were BORN, it's when you GREW UP. Your childhood. A lot of things do get passed down, and we share tradition and oral culture via playground games, etc, but it's not quite the same as living it. Remember how cool Windows 95 was when it first came out? (And how infuriatingly SLOOOOOW AOL 2.0 was when you got your first email address in 1994. [Oh yeah, but that was Windows 3.1. Wasn't that a blast...] And I still have that same exact one, at 23.) And remember when Carmen Sandiego was a game show? And jellies and Baby Sitter's Club and Oregon Trail -- in 8 bit, on the old Macintosh that only had green on a black screen? My sisters were born in the early 90s and some of that they don't even know about.

Anyway, I'm going to leave before I feel stupid for even pointing this out in the first place, because I really hate to be *that girl* who tells someone they're not a part of something, like they don't belong. I really don't want to be like that, and I worry that's exactly how I've come across right now. I don't want to try to re-label or redefine people-- which I'm sure I have, and I apologize for that... I just... I want to ask how others define "the 90s kid" and why? I'm curious to know how and why the definitions have changed over time...

and if there's some sort of reason why some believe that being born within a certain decade somehow makes you better, or more worthy of a label, than others. What even is that. Stop that.

tl;dr - it's not about when you were born, it's about what you've experienced, which is mostly determined by when you grew up. It's about your childhood and the culture around you, not your birth year.

10 Years Later...

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10 years...

I couldn't sleep. I feel like I'm 12 again: just days before my 13th birthday, struggling to make sense of the world -- and my place in it. Again, I don't know what to say. It's one of those days where I know I'm going to feel sick and I want to say things I can't. No politics. Same as last year, same as every year before. But without that shield, without that defense mechanism... 

10 years marked by so much pain.
 And incompetence. And racism. And religious intolerance. And war. And so much death.

And sometimes I wonder if we do forget that those are causes of this pain too. Not just the attacks themselves and those we lost, but the reasons for it. Why it happened. I don't think we understand. I'm not sure we ever could. But I think, in order for us to move forward, as a nation, we need to make a greater effort to try. I think that would be a greater justice to those who have died, in the attacks and in the 2 resulting wars, than blind hatred and more death and destruction. I know... I know he wouldn't have wanted that.

They may be gone, but we never forget them. We never forget what they mean to us. And we never forget what humans are capable of doing-- ourselves included. Work for peace, not just for justice.

RIP. We miss you.

Updates.

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I'm not in a good place right now. I was up until an hour ago, but some things happened and I just feel... nauseous. Anyway, I've been off doing research for a post (yes, a REAL post!) while trying to catch up with friends and work and... I think people are avoiding me again. Which is... weird. I dunno. I've noticed it doesn't really faze me anymore. I've spent the last year being ignored by my own family members for something I had nothing to do with, and the past 22 23 years being ignored for just being me. So on that front, I'm in kind of a "fuck everyone, inocurr" kind of mood about it all. But I suppose that's part of why I feel so sick... My birthday's coming up. I hate my birthday... and that no one ever really cares or remembers... I'm wondering if he even will.

With tomorrow being what it is, I'll be back to say a few words. I don't know what, as I'm trying hard not to think about it, and about just how much has changed in the world because of it, but I'll be here.

I could really use a hug today.

Fuck Logic. And using complete sentences. And having a point.

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I feel like this is the part of the evening when I'm supposed to say something profound. Or rant about the insanity that is growing up in a hostile, heteronormative, cissexist, classist, racist fucking world where I'm supposed to believe that "things will get better but lol fuck logic just sit tight and wait for it." And I could talk about how I feel so utterly fucked up right now and how I don't even remember who I'm supposed to be anymore because it changes every second of every day... and Slytherin Yuppie Kiely is back with a vengeance. Elitist snob. (Well, really, when have I ever been anything but? The Dark Angel of Death. That's how it started. Princess of Hell itself... I wanted to master Death, then. I wanted more than anything to belong to Death, to make Death belong to me. There was a demon, a devil. My father. It was the strangest of nightmares, but I think I understand it better now that he's gone... Really. All of this started from some crazy dream I had during my parents' divorce. Well, just before it. My father's pretty much always been an abusive fucking bastard. And Kiely [pronounced like Kylie, not Keely] is an Irish/Celtic name, typically a surname but obviously also a first name too. Though I use an Australian transcription for pronunciation... I don't really want to go into all of my reasons for picking that name, mostly because I'm not entirely sure what they are, but yeah. So there, you have the story of my pseudonym and alter ego. Nightmare of a suicidal, depressed, and somewhat delusional, lonely teenager.) Still, I was raised to be a princess of sorts, and apparently somewhere on my mother's side is "royal blood," so...) anyway, I digress from my utter lack of a point. Seems a tad redundant, I know. Or something like that.

You'll have to forgive me. I haven't been sleeping well. I haven't had anything to drink tonight, or all week if I remember, but I still feel... fucked up. Out of my head. Better out of it than in it, I suppose...Which, if you were wondering, is why I spend so much time on Tumblr instead of dealing with the real world, or even writing here. It's almost like a support group. Well, in a lot of ways it is one... And even when I have absolutely nothing to say, I don't have to worry about not having anything to share. I just reblog. And boom, connections are made. Though then you also have days when you feel like shit because no one cares and you KNOW that no one cares, but whatever. What else is new. I'm having an interesting time reconnecting with old friends anyway. At least, the ones who have always mattered... and in some ways I'd like to think I've always mattered to them too.

Speaking of Tumblr, Hunger Games. I'd rather spend a million nights reading about dystopian societies than living one more day in this fucked up world. We are the Capitol. If you haven't a clue what I'm talking about, I'd seriously suggest reading this trilogy. (Despite what you may have heard, it is not anything like fucking Twilight, it is NOT about a love triangle though yes there is one in it, and it is ABSOLUTELY NOT about some weak little girl who cries over boys who don't love her the way she wants them to. Katniss is amazing and a worthy heroine. Katniss is INCREDIBLE. But ANYWAY...) Once you get around to it... The Capitol.  Everything we shouldn't be. Everything we are. Why are we so utterly fucked up? Or is it just me?

You know what I was thinking earlier? About all of this supposed brilliance I'm told I have. Where the fuck is it hiding now, that I can't think straight enough to write anymore. I don't think it ever really existed. But my biggest problem yet - I don't know what I want anymore. I don't know. And it's fucking me up. I just... exist.

Fuck logic.