Change...

Hm... I keep hearing this song at work. I can't stand it, but every time I hear it I start thinking about change. Everything feels weird again. Like I want things to go back to normal, back to the way they were before I ever left school... My old friends, my old apartment (the first one. Miss the window in the kitchen...) and roomie... But that's not "normal" anymore, is it... I'm not in school anymore, I'm not going back in August... I have a job, a car... Life goes on. Yet ingrained in the very fiber of my humanity, is the uncontrollable urge to resist that which we cannot change-- change itself. Even as a small child, I've tried to fight back, keep things the same... I miss what I lose. Maybe more so than miss... obsess. Panic. I think perhaps that's why I'm so determined now to be open to change... Trying to be flexible and just accept that things can't and won't stay the same, just because I want them to, is really hard...

If there's anything I've learned about major change over the years, it's that it happens when you're not looking. If it surprises you that things are different, you just weren't paying that much attention. It happens - there's a lot going on in the world. But if you can pay close attention, there's so much you'll notice... Things happen really gradually, and there are always signs... You just have to be aware of them. Everything happens for a reason. Cause and effect. Not to say you'll always be able to predict exactly how things will go, or to stop the change from happening... But it gives you the opportunity to brace yourself, adjust, adapt, and regroup so that it doesn't completely broadside you. And sometimes it gives you the opportunity to speed it along...

Life is short. I want to enjoy it while it lasts. I've spent too many years feeling miserable... So here's to change.