Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Life Beyond College - Things to Avoid.

Life after college sucks.

There are no words to describe the depth of the misery I've found myself in. If the quarter-life crisis sucks this bad, I'd rather die before I hit middle age. College prepares you for grad school, and little else. Between the pressure of trying to find a job on your own in a hostile market, parental pressure that makes a pacifist want to wage war on something, and the sneering of a society I don't even want to belong to.... Between my overly controlling parents and the job market (despite the fact that if I had my way, I would simply say fuck it all and go straight to Americorps.... which I may very well do, next year.), the boredom and desperation... people talking about me behind my back... In August through November, there were plenty of openings in the field I wanted - though now I'm pretty sure I "shot myself in the foot" with the random job change in the last semester... Not really fair though, how you have to know at age 17-18 what you'll be expected to do for the rest of your life... There's really no time set aside for things like that. But now... Gah, I hate my parents. I have an expert help me with my resume and a cover letter, and for once I actually like the results. A certain someone asks for it ASAP, to hand in to a boss, but decides my version is just "a good start." (Said person insisted I send it through him, the employee. Expert says this is good idea. Little did she know...) Said person mangles it beyond repair, adds a few flat out lies for good measure (even though I told him to just go with what I had, because at least it was mine, it was aesthetically pleasing, and it was honest), and hands it in 3 days later, AFTER they've already picked someone else. Way to go. Really. As if this whole process weren't frustrating enough... I have to deal with a monster every day. She wakes me up at 7 am with jobs I would NEVER apply for in a billion years, even if they were the only options, ever. Things I could and would never do, even if held by gunpoint. And then has the nerve to talk about me on the phone with god knows who, saying that all I do all day is sleep and cook, because she really pays enough attention to the people around her to know what I do with my time, or my favorite color. Yay. No, why would she care that I actually wake up early and spend my mornings doing countless job searches that come up empty, sending in resumes for things I know I'll never get but might as well try, waiting for phone calls that never come, calling people who don't pick up (multiple times)... No, what? I'm too lazy to ever do things like that. No, I couldn't possibly WANT my school loans paid off. I couldn't possibly WANT to move out. (Oh FSM, if I had the money, I would have never come back...) Why would I ever want that? I completely want to drag my co-signers down with me in a flaming spiral to hell. This phrase is oft overused, but fuck my life. All I want is the peace of mind to choose my own path, without the unwanted social commentary. Is that so much to ask?

If you're preparing for the plunge into what has been lovingly dubbed "reality," pray to whatever you pray to that your "family" is as actively involved in the transition as YOU want them to be, and that your job search (or waiting for grad school acceptance) has a quick and painless ending, in your favor. If you still have time to change your classes to better suit your "career" or whatever you want to call it, change them now!!! I decided literally at the last second, and it was pretty stupid of me. So do it while you can, or consider adding another semester or some summer classes... And no matter how much life gets you down (and oh yes, it will smash you down hard... again and again...), try to stay positive. I've been told it gets better someday. Maybe.

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