Monday, May 2, 2011

I don't really know how to say what I'm feeling right now... (#osama)

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But I've been told the right word is simply "conflicted."

RT @EIKNARF: ‎10 years, 2 wars, 919,967 deaths, and $1,188,263,000,000 later, we managed to kill one person. I hope it was worth it...

When I first heard, I said I didn't think it really mattered. It's not going to change the state of the world. It doesn't mean "mission accomplished." And while it might provide closure for some, it doesn't for a lot of us... I don't feel any closure in this whatsoever. There are people willing to take over now that he's gone.. and killing him doesn't erase what happened. This was NOT justice.

I still agree with that.

Half the people I see tonight are cheering that a "mass-murderer is dead." The other half are literally crying themselves into a state of utter panic because this may "lead to a full-scale nuclear war" or "WW3."

On the one hand, I guess I didn't realize that people actually still cared if he was alive or dead. I had basically declared him dead long ago... I didn't think it would matter. So many people have died. I can't see this as closure. Everything that has brought us to this point wasn't magically erased with his death... So many have died, all over the world, and it's still going on... maybe worsening.

And while I'm glad they finally found him, I just can't really see this as being a massive celebratory thing as everyone else... I don't think his death is justice. I don't think this avenges the lives lost. I sure as fuck don't think a war will do that either, but I just... I honestly wish they had found him and brought him in alive. If only because I find life imprisonment to be a far worse punishment than death. I hate to put it this way, but it also just feels like an easy out... He would have died anyway. I'm surprised he didn't die sooner. And considering the fact that he's basically been "dead to us" on and off for the past 10 years -- as in most of the time we didn't even really know if he was alive, or going to live for very long, or what-- all that's changed for me in this moment is his date of death... Killing others doesn't bring back the dead. We keep them in our memories and honor that. ) He's dead... what has that really solved? It just doesn't feel like closure. And I guess that's just me. If that's enough for the families to stop hurting, then ok... But I just... I don't know. It feels like this story isn't over yet... or that the ending wasn't what I was hoping for. It's not as satisfying a victory as I thought it might be. What I wanted to happen, I don't know... I just don't...

A person's death is not a reason to celebrate.

Then there are the people asking if this means we'll have peace now, if it means the troops can come home - I guess this is really where I'm wondering why the hell his death matters. If anything, it will make peace less attainable... A) We've already acknowleged that our involvement in the Middle East has little to do with him now. "Democracy" is the buzzword. It's not going to end so easily like this, as much as we may want it to. B) There are groups already planning to retaliate. Hence the freaking out... C) If our idea of a good defense is a good offence... The way I see it, either nothing will change or things will get worse.

It doesn't feel like a victory. I don't feel like we've won anything... Ultimately, his death doesn't solve the worst of our problems... Maybe it's comforting for some, and again, if that's what they need for closure, then they can certainly have that... but I still don't think it changes much of anything.

I don't want to offend anyone, but I just... I can't. I can't help how I feel about this... I just wish we had things to bring us together other than death and war...

(And all I could think tonight was Emmanuel Goldstein...)


Anonymous said...

I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling this, for a bit today I really thought I was...

Anonymous said...

Found your blog for a totally different reason (I'm in love with Dave Karofsky), and all you said is true to the core.
Dancing in the streets? Like some crazy, cruel human beings did on 9/11? Where will we go from here? Not further, I'm afraid. What will we achieve with all this hate in the world? Nothing.
For the world to be different it takes more intelligent and keen people like you and less "let's kill and bring OUR democracy/peace somewhere else" deluded politicians. Diplomacy and time are the only tools we can use to have a solid, mutual peace.
Much love, sandra