Share on Twitter: Tweet
Ye-ah, please don't retweet this.
This isn't going to be serious or anything. In fact, it might not even be coherent. I'm riding a sugar wave so high, my head might explode into skittles and ice cream. My co-workers tell me that my excuse until New Years is "It's the holidays!", which also explains why I've gained back 5 of the 15 lost pounds in the last 3 weeks. (Please people, stop feeding me! I'm trying not to be rude by letting it sit there untouched in front of me, after you've placed it there even though I've said I don't want any, because I've noticed that it makes you very sad when I don't eat it. But I really don't want to eat anymore! Delicious, but seriously, stop it!)
I should totally just rename this post to Why I Hate Christmas. But then I'd get branded a "knee-jerk commie liberal" (which, ironically, I would probably like) hell-bent on destroying Christmas. Whatever. I can't think of any time of year that makes me want to grab a chainsaw and smash the hell out of a radio tower (before remembering that chainsaws can cut things) than Christmas. But I digress.
So I spent a lot of the morning either watching the Nightmare Before Christmas (which is like somewhere lost in my top 3 favorite movies of all time. And of course I'm wearing my Pumpkin King tee with my plaid pajama pants this morning, while adoring the packet of awesomeness Storyteller Knight sent me... By the way, I will be sending something in return, once I decide on exactly what...) or reading this on AS (may not be a gay lady [though I suppose I'm close enough, these days], but I love these girls to pieces lol... I have yet to find more amusing comments ANYWHERE. And I really, really mean that. Except some of these scare me, if only because I'm like "zomg, me too!" only I've never once had a crush on one of my female best friends... Yea, sorry if it ever seemed that way? Just in case you thought I did, for some reason or whatever? Wow I'm way off topic, what the hell was I talking about? And it just occurred to me that I picked out plaid flannel... shoes. And those shirts at work are starting to look more appealing every day... This makes me rather uncomfortable. Stupid stereotypes... [hums along to the Lumberjack song...])
Alright then... As usual, holidays at my house are more awkward than the mint I just popped into my mouth. It's not a mint, it's a freakin "hard candy" that was painted to look like a peppermint. LIES! BLASPHEMY! MOAR WINE! Like this morning, my mom and I totally had a *Moment* while peeling apples for a pie. It was like Hallmark and Oxygen and LOGO and Oprah all rolled into one-- until she flipped out that I was trying too hard to make it look nice and bake properly...??? Whatever. Fast forward a few hours... Anyway, so my mom was in the shower when the doorbell rang. We were all pretty surprised to see Dad on the other side, holding 2 wrapped boxes-- both for me. (Oh FSM. We'll get to that horror in a second.) Apparently, he was here to pick up my sisters to take them over to his house in PA for Christmas with his wife and step-kids. Only, they had no intentions of ever going, and thought he knew that. Awk-ward. Mom got dressed and came downstairs to argue that he knew that we all like to spend Christmas here. So he just left, all super-sad and mopey, and now we're all standing around here, super-awkward and feeling kind of bad. (Well, I don't think I was invited anyway. Seeing as he brought my presents here, and left theirs at his house, clearly he wasn't expecting me to go. But then again, I've never once had any intentions of playing "happy family" with his new wife. Even if I'm hoping to use her connections to pay my way through grad school. I know, I'm being evil, but as far as my 13-year old self is concerned, bitch ruined my life! :-t Plus she was kind of a total bitch to me before I knew who she was, and made my life a living hell before I knew they were even together, let alone getting married. He didn't tell us they got married, but that's a whole other nightmare. I have very, very little reason to like her.)
Right, so about those presents... I wasn't able to afford my annual Toys for Tots gift this year (is it just me, or have toy prices skyrocketed in the past 2 years?! Or am I just really that poor now?), but I'm thinking I might have a few donations for the thrift store or Goodwill (or the Goodwill thrift store...). But ack. I know we always say that "it's the thought that counts," but that's the part that hurts the most sometimes. I could care less about presents. I'm lucky enough to get some, and grateful for what I get, but there are people who don't have homes or food right now, and that matters so much more. Give a donation to Greenpeace (oh, but I have a rant about them too...), or Interfaith Hospitality Network (now called Family Promise, so I've been informed), or St. Jude's instead. I'd actually be far happier with that than receiving anything for myself. But when your parents pick out things that are the exact opposite of "me," proving that A) they don't know you at all or B) they didn't bother to think about "me," I'd rather just go without. This year - 2 Old Navy belted sweater cardigan things with a matching knit beret and rainbow striped gloves. I'm not even going to talk about the gloves. I'll just show you.
A beret?!?! Has he EVER seen me wear a hat? Hell, has ANYONE ever seen me wear a hat? I have cat ears and a gray and black striped baseball cap from H&M that I oh so rarely wear except when I'm feeling particularly emo (or queer. Honestly. I don't know what it is, but some days, this hat screams *PRIDE*). I wear black. Lots of black. And occasionally bright teal or purple or blue, with more black. Ripped up things, band t-shirts and jeans and things with skulls on them and skate shoes or my geisha high-tops that everyone who's ever seen them loves (Seriously. These things are magic, I tell you, pure magic. I've had random people come up to me on the street and say how awesome they are. Kohl's 2009 clearance, $11. Magic.) and the occasional skirt or corset. The last time I shopped at Old Navy I was 14 and needed a super cheap bathing suit bottom to go under my new Billabong surf shorts. Me= occasionally girly, but mostly andro tomboy. Tomboy, this is not. Preppy & girly, yes, tomboy, no. Evil-sister is the preppy ivy league one who likes sweaters and berets, remember? I burn them. Hey, remember me? No? Ok.
I feel like such a spoiled, ungrateful little brat for feeling upset about all of this, which is why I'm probably not going to say anything (unless he asks, at which point I don't know if I can lie). But really, it's the lack of thought that counts, and I'm kind of like, REALLY upset that he would let his wife pick out, wrap, and write his name on a present for me like he couldn't be bothered to do it himself. (My mom even said it. "It's not even personal." It's one thing when it's someone from work who barely knows you, but it's completely another when it's your parent...) So what do we do when we get gifts we don't like? Suck it up and pretend to like it, even though inside we're really disappointed-- not because it's a sucky gift, because in all fairness it's not all that bad and someone else would totally appreciate it, but because it's just not right for "me" and shows a lack of personal touch-- and sit around feeling guilty because you feel like you're being ungrateful? Try to get our hands on a receipt? Or just smile and donate it to charity when we can? I'm opting for that last one, I think. (I tried one of the sweaters on anyway. It looks terrible on me... Seriously. I can't wear this kind of style. It's for someone taller and thinner. >_< Other than the fact that it doesn't suit my personality either...)
ANYWAY! So my mom and sisters and I just spent the last few hours watching Girlfriends. ZOMG I am waaay too much like that one girl. Ex-Roomie says her name is Lynn, "except you're not as lazy as she is." Well, that is kind of comforting... but really, between the character's anthropology classes, and vegetarianism, that time she found an old skateboard, her upbringing (other characters complain that she's too "white," because she was raised in a very... monochromatic neighborhood and her family isn't African American), and her tendency to go on feminist/egalitarian/human rights rants, boho academic type, etc... (& without getting into details - I may be one of the last few v-card holders in the group, but from discussions, I think it's fair to say I'm apparently open to way more than a lot of my friends... Then again, a lot of them are kind of conservative, socially and sexually, so... I guess that kind of makes sense, if that makes sense.) It's a little freaky. I can't escape stereotypes!
I think I will probably shut up now. I need more wine. And sleep, since I actually just realized it's actually after 2AM, I have work in a few hours, and I typed this up hours ago and never posted it. Fuck. Oh well, I can go back in time on Blogger! [giggles maniacally] Happy Holidays!
No comments:
Post a Comment