Bye... for now?

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Hello again. It's been a while, I think. A lot's changed, even in the past few months. And as much as I love certain things about this blog, it also holds for me a lot of regrets. But that's life, right? Constantly changing, growing, learning.

I think moving to Tumblr (which became more permanent than I'd realized it would) was a good move. I think I'm becoming a better person because of it. I... I had a lot of letting go to do, and a lot of "soul-searching," so to speak. I know that some things I did were absolutely right - letting go of old "friends," fighting back against abuse (and I am so glad to be able to put a name to some of the things I've experienced over the course of my 24 years.) My life, while still hard to deal with, has gotten better. I have awesome friends. I have a girlfriend now (yep, still bi), and she's really cool. I'll be visiting her soon (oh LDRs... literally cross-country...) I'm slowly but surely getting back to the idea of grad school. I'm surviving. Soon enough, maybe I'll start living.

I no longer identify with a lot of the things I used to. I also know that I said a lot of really fucked up, problematic things. And I've probably mentioned this before. But the person I am now knows better. And I'm sorry.

I don't know if I'll be back on this blog again. Part of me still can't face who I was. Another part of me is just too exhausted to continue - I've almost entirely stopped writing, these days. As well as pretty much everything else.

And part of me feels like perhaps this blog has run its course, and it's time to leave the old me behind.

Personal.

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Personal things. Incredibly personal things. I'd typically keep this to a private blog, but I think I should just... It's always been one of those things where I'd have to say it in order for people to know (and even then, they'd still doubt me and tell me I'm lying or just trying to be special...)

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If I ever stop crying, I want to talk about My Chem. I've been with them for 11 of those 12 years, they've been with me for the absolute worst of them, and I feel like a part of me has just died a little. Or a lot. There is maybe 1 other band that could make me feel like this.

So many of their songs are about goodbyes and moving on. But for once, they're not really helping me feel any better.  Maybe tomorrow.