#Glee's Quinn Fabray and Shelby Corcoran on the Adoption of Beth

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I'm cross-posting this from Tumblr, because I feel like there are points made there that are kind of relevant to "everyday life"... This is about tonight's (er, last night's... Tuesday night's) episode of Glee. So SPOILER ALERT if you care about that kind of thing. What this has to do with: Adoption, rights, and families.

(Background: in Season 1, Quinn Fabray was pressured into sleeping with Noah Puckerman. 4 episodes in, we found out she was pregnant. After a long, messy thing I don't feel like explaining, Quinn decides she's giving the baby up for adoption. To whom is irrelevant right now. Anyway, we meet Shelby, who is the head vocal coach of a rival show choir and the birth mother of the "main character" Rachel Berry [Lea Michele]. Shelby regretted giving Rachel up for adoption, but realized that she missed her chance to see Rachel grow up. Quinn and Puck's daughter Beth is born at the end of the season, and Shelby adopts her. Beth wasn't really mentioned during Season 2. Now, Episode 2 of Season 3, we see Quinn dealing with it all, now that Shelby -- and Beth-- are back in Lima, and Shelby wants Quinn to be involved.)

What I said during the liveblogging: "That's not fair at all. Neither what Shelby said OR what Quinn said. This is why I really didn't want them to bring up Beth again." I don't see this ending well. Complicated subject/situation, so...

tl;dr - It feels like: Shelby's forcing Quinn to deal with what I've dubbed "the Beth situation" because Shelby has her own issues (re: giving up Rachel) and she's deciding to force them onto Quinn. And it feels like Quinn thinks that since she's the Birth Mother, she somehow has the right to take Beth away from her mom just because she regrets the adoption. A year later. And somehow I'm supposed to believe that all of this is ok and "zomg creys forever she just wants her baby back" when I just want to shake them both and scream STOP THAT!!! It's all sad, yeah... but kind of offensive too.

I'm REALLY  hoping that THAT is where they're going with this... They're both in the wrong, and this entire situation is ridiculous. (Realistic, but infuriating nonetheless)

Quinn/Shelby/Beth pissed me off... I don't like it when A) someone tries to shame a birth mother for giving up their child, or tells them they did the wrong thing and that they should or that they have to be a part of that child's life -- "You'll regret it."; and B) when the birth mother thinks or acts like they have more of a right to be in the child's life than the adoptive mother. Everything between them just felt like all kids of wrong... IT WAS AN ADOPTION. Quinn GAVE UP full custody and rights to Beth when she signed those papers. Yeah, if Shelby wants, Quinn can be a part of Beth's life, but it's like... It felt like she was crossing too many lines. It seemed overly rude, and hurtful, and... Just because Quinn regrets what happened doesn't mean it can just go away and go back to the way it "should have been" or whatever she thinks is going to be like. It's not that simple, and I really hope she learns that. She made a choice, for the sake of her daughter, and for herself and her future. She wanted to give Beth a better life than she could have. Beth isn't yours anymore, Quinn. You've given birth to her, but you're not her mother anymore. You cannot have Beth back. "Full custody"??? That's not how it works.

Shelby, stop rubbing it in her face like she made some massive mistake and ruined her life or something, the way you think you did. Second chances are second chances-- for the BOTH of you. Quinn thought giving up Beth would guarantee getting her old life back, and when that didn't work, she decided she wanted Beth back? That's what this feels like... I guess that's what it is. And as much as it pains me to see Quinn upset again, I just... I can't. She's gone through a lot in 3 seasons, but she does need to grow up if she thinks "full custody" is an option at this point just because she has regrets. This feels like a huge step backwards in terms of maturity... Beth is a child, a living being, not a football. You don't just get her back because you want her and you think you're responsible enough now to take care of her. She has a new family now, and to take her from that, for these reasons, is selfish. This is the real world. Adult situations, adult consequences. ... It probably sounds kind of heartless, but... I'm pretty sure we'll be around to see the massive shock she gets when she finally realizes just how true this is...

I know Quinn has a lot of regrets around the entire Beth situation, and I know it would probably make her really happy to have Beth in her life again. What I didn't like was the way this played out... So again, yeah, I really hope that there's a bigger point to this... I made another post a while back about this whole thing, back at the beginning of the hiatus. (Feels sooo long ago, doesn't it...) If Quinn doesn't want to think about her biological daughter, she doesn't have to; and it's not right to make her feel like she's a bad person because she gave Beth up or because she doesn't want to think about something that's obviously painful for her. I see that so often, and it just really makes me sad.

I feel like I can't say this enough. No one who has given up a child should ever be made to feel that way, to feel ashamed for what they did. No one should ever be told that they're supposed to think about that child every single day and never try to move on. (No, I haven't been through it, but I can imagine. I know people who have been there. And working where I do now - I know teen parents [who have given up kids], and adoptive parents, who are all working their asses off and sacrificing everything to do the best they can for their children; and it pisses me off to no end that ANYONE thinks they have the right to tell these people that they're not trying hard enough or that they've fucked up.) You think it's easy, doing something like that, giving up your child? You think it's easy making those kinds of choices, especially for teen moms?  Maybe it is easy for some people, and you know what, that's perfectly ok too- the point is, that child will have a better life with a loving family. That is the ENTIRE point.

Sorry, I'm starting to rant again... Clearly, I have a lot of feelings about this.

Oh, and speaking of adoption and families - foster kids. Stabbing. Oh my god what the fuck even... I know this show plays off of stereotypes and all, but that, and the Asperger's... Wow. Offensive things can be funny sometimes, but that was not funny; just offensive.

It's all fun and games... until it's not. Bullying Within the #Glee Fandom.

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Life has been insanely crazy lately. And I know that I said that I was taking a brief hiatus from this blog, but there comes a point where the personal problems just become too much. And I know this won't be as eloquent as I would want it to be, but I'm kind of in a mood and rushing and flailing, so...


I should really title this What It's Like to be a Kurtofsky Pirate (on Tumblr).


(also excuse me, new high quality promos are out and I need to flail...i'm dying my dash is just so quality right now i might just cry omg i love you guys)


If you've been following my Tumblr, you may be aware of what has been going on within the Glee fandom. (And no, this post isn't about Glee itself. Just the fans. And mostly fans on Tumblr.) There are different factions, each supporting a different "ship." (Relationship). And frequently, there are ship wars - people claiming that their pairing is better, etc. And this is usually pretty normal in a fandom. No big deal. It's all fun and games... until it's not.


Why? Because lately, there has been great reason to be ashamed of the fandom. Last night, someone posted a porn manip (er... i.e. photoshopped .gif picture) of one of the actors/characters. And send it to them via Twitter. NOT COOL. Not only is that incredibly disrespectful to the actor and possibly career damaging, it's disrespectful to the fandom and tactless. 


But the real reason I'm here right now... Bullying.


I belong to a group known as the Pirates (Kurtofskians, or Karommel fans). We ship Kurt Hummel, out and proud fashionista and fabulous counter-tenor, with jock David Karofsky, a.k.a the closeted bully. We're proud of our ship, just like any other. We're just about the most hated ship in the Glee fandom - hated by Klainers, by Kummers (Hevens fans), Puckurts, and Kinns, etc. Why, you ask? Kurt + Karofsky. Kurt and the person who has bullied him for a year, to the point where he transferred to another school. To some, this is eternally unforgivable. To us, it's horrible and wrong, but things can change. It can get better.


This is what happened this morning:
Someone was sent a series of hateful messages, ending with this (highlight to read)- "if I knew where you lived right now I would put a bullet hole through your brain."


This isn't the first time it's happened. This isn't the first series of death threats or "kill yourself" or "you're disgusting i hope you get killed" messages. These kinds of things have been happening for weeks, maybe months... And a lot of it has been directed towards the Pirates.


No, we're not crazy, nor are we apologists or abusers. Ask any Pirate, and I'm sure they'd be glad to explain their specific reasons for their ship. Many of us have been bullied or abused in our lives, or are still dealing with abuse. Some of us are/were bullies and are still hoping for change, and peace, and a happy ending. And some are looking for reconciliation and redemption. We want to believe that bullies won't always be bullies, and that someday people the people in our lives will be accepting and loving, unconditionally. (Plus there's the OMG ANGST factor. It's far more interesting a relationship than others, because it's just so incredibly full of conflict. But conflict is what makes a story great. Conflict is what makes a story.)


No, we don't actually ship Kurt with a bully - we are waiting for Dave to come to terms with himself, accept who he is, apologize to Kurt and make amends, eventually someday become friends, and then maybe someday in the future they can consider a romantic relationship. (REDEMPTION IS NIGH!!!) We see their long-term potential. We are optimists, people who believe in love and forgiveness and redemption, and second chances. We have so much love for David (and Max Adler, for being able to portray the complexities of such a deep, conflicted character. Kudos.) Not Karofsky the Bully, but David - the real person underneath, and his potential. He has a LONG way to go before he can ever be worthy of Kurt, not a single one of us would EVER deny that; but most of us first and foremost want these things:

1. We want Dave to stop bullying. 
2. We want Kurt to be happy and safe.
3. We want Dave to be happy and safe.
4. We think it would be awesome if they could become friends later on. And a romantic relationship is just icing on the cake. (Our Beauty and the Beast romance...) Plus it was the original plan after boyfriend!Sam fell through. Kurt was supposed to fall for a jock he helps come out of the closet. Cue Dave. (But then Kurt needed a reason to be on the show less. Cue bully!Dave. See, everything fits.)
5. We want all people to stop bullying and learn to love themselves and others. We do not support abuse in any form whatsoever.

This is where the problems began. Other ships don't see things the same way we do. Everyone interprets things differently, and that is fine, but when people take these differences in opinion and turn them into an "us vs. them" or an "our ship is more legitimate than your ship!" argument, things tend to go downhill fast. And this is why things haven't been so fun at times... From the start, we have had to defend our ship. We spend hours, days even, in deep discussion (amongst ourselves and with other ships) about the characters, and their motivations, and the plot lines. We have analyzed the hell out of every little detail, so know that we do not take this lightly. We do not attack or bash other ships, because we believe that everyone has the right to their ship, but we are quick to defend ourselves and each other when attacked. Because we have to. We're like a family. When in doubt, it's What Would a Pirate Do?


What Dave did was wrong. This is undeniable. But does this really mean that we deserve to be despised, to be sent angry hate-filled rants about how we're all rape apologists and support abusers, just because we want to see someone happy and secure instead of self-loathing and lashing out at the people around him (including the guy he likes but can't/doesn't want anyone to know he likes)? Dave didn't kiss Kurt to hurt him. And we don't ship them to hurt Kurt. We love Kurt and his eternal bitchiness. (Just not when that bitchiness turns into a biphobic and/or transphobic rant when he should be loving and supportive of his friends...)


Half the characters on the show are bullies. Most of them have done things equal to, if not FAR worse than anything Dave has done. Yet because they are played for laughs, and he is meant to be a (temporary) villain, everyone loves them and hates Dave. Unconditionally. Things that people tend to forget - Dave was bullied. He became a bigger bully to deal with that. He is an example of what Kurt could have been. Who Kurt could be. And it's as important for him to have a happy ending as it is Kurt, if we're talking about the messages their story arc sends. (As for Kurtofsky messages - love is stronger than hate; everyone deserves a second chance; people can change; there is such a thing as redemption; even bullies can find happiness- they don't have to stay bullies forever. They can change.)


When someone is trying to argue against a ship for a bully, you would think they wouldn't condone hurtful words or actions. But there have been numerous death threats. People leaving Tumblr just because they keep getting hundreds, or thousands of hateful messages telling them to die, or telling them what horrible people they are for thinking a bully deserves to be happy. Telling us. We have these things called Glee Ship Secrets, and Glee secrets. And there is a collective wince every time our ship is mentioned. Because the notes explode with hate. We have frequent impromptu "share the love" sessions to keep our spirits up, to remind ourselves why we believe in the things we do (AND THAT REDEMPTION IS NIGH!!!). Fandom shouldn't be this stressful, this painful, this depressing.


"Glee is about opening yourself up to joy..."


It's hard to find joy when you're told you're worthless and disgusting and that you should go kill yourself. Yet that is what a lot of other Glee fans have said to Pirates. And to members of other ships. 

VIOLENCE IS NEVER OK.

Call it ironic, hypocritical, whatever - the same people screaming about how awful bullying is are some of same ones bullying others online. Over a fucking TV SHOW. Over a work of fiction, over characters we like, characters we hate, characters we hate to like and like to hate. Over an ongoing storyline that changes faster than Lady Gaga's look. (Don't ask me how I know these things. I'm not a fan of hers.) When you say these things, you are affecting REAL PEOPLE. Not fictional characters, but real human beings. Bullying hurts. If you haven't learned that by now, you haven't been paying attention at all. You don't get it.


For those who believe that cyberbullying isn't a problem, or that there are never consequences - spend a week with us and you'll see all the damage that these things can do. And we're all really nice people who just want peace in the world. And maybe you'll also understand why we believe so strongly in letting go of hate. It consumes you. I find it very, very disturbing when people say that they will seek revenge, that they will never forgive or forget. It's unhealthy to hold onto grudges forever, whether against your own bullies or against the people you have hurt. Holding onto hate can turn you into the "monsters" you claim to be so against. I was shocked to see that even Chris Colfer has expressed these feelings... There's a reason for all of those sappy little sayings - Love your enemies. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Teaching others to hate in response to being treated poorly is NOT the answer. It is incredibly immature. I can even say this from a psych POV - in order to move on, you have to learn to let go of hate and learn to forgive. Forgiveness doesn't mean forgetting. It just means growing up.


But to the Anons who continually threaten and disparage us, and to the not-so-anons who constantly bash us and say they could never understand:  
If Karofsky's death threat was so wrong, why would you ever consider doing the same?? How could that even cross your mind?


(This in particular was in response to the Anon who sent this morning's messages...) Do you understand what you’re doing right now? You’re being a cyberbully, emotionally abusing and intimidating and THREATENING innocent people over the internet. Do you think it’s cute, threatening people’s lives because you apparently feel superior to them because of opinions about a TV SHOW? Do you think it’s romantic when you tell them you would kill them, when you make someone live in fear of YOU, a person who is supposed to be a fellow fan and therefore an ally, someone who shares a common love?


Your actions disgust me, and disgrace our fandom. Pirates support love, and redemption, and forgiveness. I believe that ultimately, we are optimists. We try to see the good in others, and hope that they can find it in themselves to change the things that create and perpetuate hate and pain, as well as to make things right again with the people they have hurt.
I hope the same for you. For all of us.


Practice what you preach.


We do. THIS is what it means to be a pirate. So please, let us all just coexist in peace and be done with it. The Glee fandom is for all of us, not just one particular ship.


Love you forever and always, 
DarkAngelKiely




I can honestly say that I love this fandom more than I even care about the show anymore. Especially my Pirate buddies. I love you guys more than Mr. Boyfriend loves KFC and Guitar Hero, more than Fancy loves bondage shirts, more than we all love The Captain's crazy reaction videos. So this is for you, some of the most mature, well-spoken , thoughtful, and loving shippers ever to sail the seas of Narnia.


I still miss the days where ship wars were fun and friendly...


Readers, I'll leave you with this:

DON'T PUSH ME, FANDOM.
Or I'll kill you - with kindness.

Brad Falchuk, We don't feel included. #biphobia #BisexualErasure #Glee

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Way to FAIL at "leading by example," RIB.

I'm still avoiding politics for the most part, due to the situation in Japan... I just can't right now. But I've spent the entire day raging about 2 topics. The first one is kind of touchy and has to do with cissexist heteronormative feminists, so again, I'm avoiding it. (And it seriously pisses me off that feminism is considered "too holy" to ever criticize... Complain about anything ever and you're instantly labeled "anti-feminist" or "anti-woman" regardless of what you actually said. [rolls eyes] If you have a problem with constructive criticism, GFY.)

The second is Glee. And yea, biphobia. Or rather, what appears to be, yet again, bisexual erasure... Remember how last week I said that the Brittana episode wasn't biphobic, that in fact it was WIN? Guess not. Because despite the fact that Santana talked about her fluidity, and the fact that she was attracted to both men and women, she is apparently not bisexual, or pansexual, or even fluid it seems. Instead, we're getting another 100% gay character who just happens to have had a history of sleeping with men. And Brittany. Apparently her lack of emotional attachment to any of the men she was with (which I attributed to her intense love for Brittany) means she was just homophobic and can't possibly be bisexual, because apparently we ladies are supposed to fall madly in love with every single person we ever sleep with. Can't ever just enjoy sex for the sex, huh... And while again, even the mention of the word "lesbian" on Glee was a Big Thing, and the acknowlegment that they exist, how can I not be annoyed that once again, bi is shoved aside? You had a huge, unprecedented opportunity, and you blew it. But as upsetting as that was, that wasn't what seriously pissed me off this time. No, it was Brad Falchuk's explanation:

“(Lesbian visibility) was our intention,” Falchuk added. “We want to make sure everybody is included. Santana is a lesbian. She might not be ready to come out yet, but she is.”

I highlighted it in red. (This is from AfterEllen) "We want to make sure everybody is included." So what you're trying to tell me, Brad, is that bisexual men do not exist in any way, "bicurious" people will always either be straight or gay despite being attracted to more than one sex and/or gender, and it's very important to have multiple gay characters on a show to be positive role models for gay and questioning teens but no one else-- but the show is just oh so super inclusive? But the possibility of having a positive multisexual role model on Glee requires all of you to comment on "no, they're totally gay," they're always "one of [you]"? Oh yea, real inclusive. What about trans*? I don't see them represented. LGBT-- oh wait, I forgot the B & T aren't real. We're not "one of them," isn't that right, Ryan Murphy? So again, we're left with Kurt's biphobic rant, which (as a result) basically leads to an argument, which leads to "oh, wait, I AM gay!" which leads to "I've been looking for you forever, fuck the fact that you insulted me-- Let's Make Out." No resolution whatsoever. They never spoke of it again, and apparently Blaine has entirely forgotten the incident and has forgiven Kurt. Or it was never a big deal to him in the first place. There was no real counterargument made against those specific points, there was no discussion of what it meant or the implications, and it seems the fandom has moved on as well. We hoped for an explanation, we didn't get one. And now it appears we simply aren't going to. Because apparently, to RIB, it's not important. Even if Brittany "officially" becomes the bisexual/pansexual in the group, I suspect that the moment Brittana actually happens, her relationship with Artie will be forgotten, and her sexual history will become entirely irrelevant. Because bisexuals don't exist-- not on Glee, and not in real life. Thanks a bunch, RIB.

So while everyone else is still freaking out about the big kiss, the "first gay male teen kiss on primetime TV" (which it actually was not, but lol if you think anyone gives a shit... ugh), a few of us have been contemplating just how "inclusive" you writers really are. This won't be the last time you hear from me.

This has been a mini-rant brought to you by the letter B, and the number 2.

UPDATE: It seems that others at least in the Tumblr fandom group have finally started to discuss this... maybe.

Glee &... #biphobia? Not tonight!! Part 3 - Brittana WIN

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(p.s - to make GIFs stop moving, just hit ESC...) another post-Glee sleepy recap/review/commentary thing

UPDATE: THIS is why last night was so amazing. Short version.

#Glee & #Biphobia- Reaction Part 2 of 3

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 So I promised more remarks on tonight's episode of Glee and the "results" of Ryan Murphy's biphobic comments... There's one more episode to go regarding bisexuality, but here's the abbreviated version of my reaction to what happened last night. Overall I wasn't way offended, but was seriously annoyed. Hopefully the next episode will clear things up in a desirable, positive way...

(MAJOR Spoiler Alert, so post is after the jump. Which you won't see if you clicked on the post link... oh yeah...) It was initially written for other Gleeks, so... yeah. (I'm not drunk, just exhausted. I swear ;-P Not that the physiological symptoms of either aren't nearly identical...) I'm going to actually try to make sense of all of this tomorrow, provided I still have internet/electricity.

Fuck You, Ryan Murphy. #glee #biphobia #spoilers

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WARNING – This is regarding Glee spoilers for later in the season. So If you want to be surprised, or aren’t up to date with your episodes (2x12 Silly Love Songs), stop reading now. (This isn’t really about Glee itself, but about comments made by the creator regarding bisexuality.) And it's really really long, and this is the short version. (Not this. Scroll down to the Read More jump for the full post.)

So TL;DR:

Things I have said re: "Blaine’s bi episode":

http://darkangelkie.tumblr.com/post/3221857435/cracktastic-blind-item-gay-character-not-so-gay

http://darkangelkie.tumblr.com/post/3305230550/blaine-is-not-bi-he-is-gay-and-will-always-be

http://darkangelkie.tumblr.com/post/3306031189/blaine-will-openly-question-whether-bisexuality

And I totally agree with this one as well: http://sarcasmismyphilosophy.tumblr.com/post/3316936912/blaine-will-openly-question-whether-bisexuality